| #1 Rupeo (1Cust138.tnt9.sfo3.da.uu.net)[20471] |
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| Nice little story. The description of battles between zerg and terran units were nice, though cause-and-effect is a litte too glossed over to make a real story. Pretty darn good for an 8 minute job though. As this isnt a real BR not likly to get a kind rating ;) but a cool idea. Keep writing! |
| #2 [chaos]Calvin (195.249.56.2)[20494] |
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| Nice style. Keep it up, but never forget the pixs. |
| #3 Dausuul (hill-d-153.resnet.purdue.edu)[20533] |
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More description would be good. Make us see the scene in detail. Describe the buzzing, chittering noise of the approaching Swarm, the grinning skull-like faces of the hydralisks and the lurkers, the way the mutalisks weave and dart above the horde... then the Arclite shells screaming down to explode in lurid firebursts, the stuttering of Charlie's Gauss rifle as he shoots down the scourge, the cold, impassive face of the Ghost as he sights in the nuclear strike.
Also, give us more of what Charlie is thinking and feeling. Keep in mind that people don't usually think in long, complex sentences, especially not in combat. If I were in his place, I wouldn't be pondering how this could threaten even the Behemoth-class battlecruisers of the Confederate fleet. I'd be thinking, "Oh, f***," and trying not to wet my powered armour. Tell us how his hopes rise as he hears the siege tanks open up, then sink again when the Swarm just soaks up the casualties and keeps on coming. How does he react to the Ghost? I imagine most Terran troops are pretty nervous around Ghosts, them being professional assassins and all.
All in all, good stuff here, if you polish it a bit and expand... keep going! |
#4  (fjwilson.reshall.uc[20548] |
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| Erg. The Confederates were NOT an active force by the time Lurkers, Medics, and Devourers came onto the StarCraft scene. |
#5  (strangers.bragg.ar[20558] |
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| Spend 16 minutes and it make it worth reading. |
| #6 Snowreaver (206.152.157.250)[20564] |
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| It needs a sex scene. |
| #7 ~Talon~ (cx110054-a.pwy1.sdca.home.com)[20643] |
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| Yeah, someone should make a starship troopers report or something where a medic and marine do it a couple times... and a shower scene. No story is complete without a shower scene. |
| #8 Dausuul (hill-d-153.resnet.purdue.edu)[20658] |
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It's debatable whether Lurkers/Medics/Devourers were around in Confederacy days or not. Just because they never showed up in the original missions doesn't mean they weren't there. Dark Archons and Corsairs certainly were.
As a matter of fact, now that I think about it, Lurkers and Devourers were almost certainly around. All the Zerg breeds result from genetic assimilation of other species or from experimental mutations, all carried out under the guidance of the Overmind... and, after the end of the original missions, there wasn't any Overmind. The new Overmind was still in its infant stages; I doubt it was directing any assimilation or experiments, to say nothing of the fact that Kerrigan wouldn't have had access to any breeds it created. Conversely, if Kerrigan herself created the new breeds, the new Overmind and its Cerebrates wouldn't have access to them. But both sides use Lurkers in the Brood War missions.
Of course, all this is pretty esoteric and not real relevant... but I thought I might as well mention it. |
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