| #1 Creature[45700] |
| 207-172-81-124.s124.tnt1.ptr.va.dialup.rcn.com |
| Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes YEEEEEES! First comment! WOOO HA! Got you all in check! I Got that Reaver drop shit dat make you break yo neck. WOO HA. Got your scv's in check! =) |
| #2 probe[45702] |
| 242849hfc33.tampabay.rr.com |
what is so important about first comment?
who really cares!
2nD COMMENT owN yoUR boNez FoOL! BoW DoWN!!!!!!
or something?
see how gay it is?
quite, indeed, assured. |
| #3 Duke-Nukem[45704] |
| 212.29.231.2 |
| i don't understand this fuss about first comments. i relly don't! |
| #4 Mellinium_Ben21[45710] |
| spider-wc072.proxy.aol.com |
| It`s a competition of gayness,first is gayest,second is runner up and third is just gay.Fourth is exempt though =] |
| #5 AgentN[45711] |
| nat242186.arcc.org |
Hey, nice fiction BR...sounds good...
By the way 5th comment RuLeZ
Good job with narating the story from one marines point of view. |
| #6 Creature[45713] |
| 207-172-81-124.s124.tnt1.ptr.va.dialup.rcn.com |
Also doing '=]' is gay. Dunno how many forking SC players do that! but where I from ':)' owns yur ass :) I think =] is presumed elite. welp. its not! and yes, 1st comment is the best!
It's a Reaver drop life, for us. It's a reaver drop life for us. Stead Of bein DWEBBED, we get Dropped. Stead of having a working expansion, each one gets dropped, Its a hard knock life! |
| #7 ScreamStalker[45716] |
| 167.93.53.216 |
Here's what I thought...on the actual report: It was pretty descriptive and full of adjectives. A plus, but your sentences were fragments in a lot of cases. Next time, try to make the sentences flow smoothly. Dont use :) or anything, it's distracting. And I personally, don't prefer little side comments from the author, plus telling religous people your an atheist may be offending in the first place. But overall, interesting concept.
<font color="white"><b>ScreamStalker</b> |
| #8 Goldenscale[45735] |
| citgo-bh.citgo.com |
I don't usually read these fan-fics, but this one was pretty cool :) GJ :)
|
| #9 Phoenix[45738] |
| node156e4.a2000.nl |
Hehe
hey Creature
=] is easy to type man
It's not elite. For :) you have to hold shift and stroke much different keys (like right shift ; for : and left shift 0 for ) see? =] is just two keys that just happen to be close to one another.
What is actually the point of pointing this out?
=]
or
:)
whatever
};-)
Maybe we need that awesome message board stuff where you can get the animated faces
=] or :) -whatever you like |
| #10 Baxter-O'Bixby[45740] |
| adsl-63-195-119-107.dsl.snfc21.pacbell.net |
Shut yo mouth, heathen. :)
Ben, good stuff; telling it in the second person was an unusual choice, but it worked. |
| #11 vee_cee_r[45741] |
| proxy2-external.rdc1.on.home.com |
| Good job with the fiction....very vivid. You have a good writing style, but as Screamstalker said, try to smooth out your sentences and keep a consistent flow. Its less of a deliberate stylistic thing and more of an intuitive thing. Bleah I'm babbling. Anyhow, enjoyed the fic. |
| #12 Joo[45742] |
| sdn-ar-007mokcitP116.dialsprint.net |
this is sad... out of 11 comments, only 3 are of the report, and the first came at #7... pathetic people, comment on the REPORT
anyways, i really liked your writing, ben. i'm not much of a reader (fiction), but your story kept me reading and wondering how the hell he was going to survive (i knew he wouldn't die, i mean, the main character never dies). keep us posted, i want more. |
| #13 {t4r}KronosIII[45752] |
| ci991207-b.edgewd1.ky.home.com |
| 13th CoMeNt OwNs YoUr BoNeS! |
| #14 DFA[45755] |
| spider-wc013.proxy.aol.com |
Who cares if he's atheist, or whatever. it shouldn't offend anyone. his right.. anyway
I thought the report was great, the reading for me flowed nicly and the story really came together, as if you wanted to read it faster to see what would happen.. nice job
DFA
(Christian) just fyi |
| #15 Bob-the-Zealot[45760] |
| spider-tl053.proxy.aol.com |
| Good job man, just give the main character a name instead of "you". Oh, and you people are missing the GREATEST SMILEY! :) =] The best smily is =). =) Is a nice smily, but the best one is OPINION, hee hee, hee hee. =) |
| #16 <font color="pink"> Ko[B]ull[45765] |
| ppp-79.tnt-1.ind.smartworld.net |
gosulicious! U better do another 1, U ALL ARE GAY FOR WORRING BOUT COMMENTS PIGEON PENIS MUNCHERS =] <--- face ownz u..
P.S> Ben, you used "burned alive" to much =] as my language teacher says, "If a word is used once in a pun, use a different one." |
| #17 PeonSanders[45776] |
| cm-24-25-141-234.nycap.rr.com |
| Using "You" ,and being an invasive author (by reavealing that you are an athiest for no reason (akin to "the reader will note") weakens this story considerably. |
| #18 Mellinium_Ben21[45810] |
| spider-to058.proxy.aol.com |
| Thanks for all the compliments,as for the religion sh!t. Won`t happen if I do another one of these. |
| #19 <font color="33ccff">person</font>[45814] |
| dialup-63.212.142.161.LosAngeles1.Level3.net |
<font color="33ccff">
Great report. i personally like reading fan-fics. its a good story and all but i think you made one mistake. only 4 infantry units can be in a bunker at a time not 5.
p.s. agentn the guy is a firebat not a marine since marines
can't fry zerglings and hydras
</font> |
| #20 Mellinium_Ben21[45856] |
| spider-wi022.proxy.aol.com |
| I know only 5 people can be in a bunker at once,I was making it a bit more fiction =P |
| #21 Starkweather[45890] |
| bose-cp.bose.com |
I felt that this was poorly written, for the following reasons.
A. Switching from present to past tense in the first couple of sentances.
B. Short choppy sentance fragments (subject-verb-object.subject-verb-object.subject-verb-object...ad nauseum)
C. Author interjecting unrelated material |
| #22 Mellinium_Ben21[45952] |
| spider-wd032.proxy.aol.com |
| Thanks.Again,sorry for the religion sh!t =P |
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