| #1 Mellinium_Ben21[46819] |
| spider-tq031.proxy.aol.com |
This was inspired by the success of my last story,Homeworld:Cataclysm should be out sometime this summer and some of what I wrote on the Beast ships may be a little off.
Anyway,enjoy it and rate it.Later. |
| #2 <marquee behavior="alternate">Duke-Nukem</marquee>[46823] |
| 209.88.197.162 |
<font size=7>i</font> still really don't understand this fuss about first comments...
but if u can't beat 'em... then beat 'em too it!
<font size=7 color="blue">F</font><font size=7 color="red">i</font><font size=7 color="green">r</font><font size=7 color="pink">s</font><font size=7 color="blue">t</font><font size=7 color="red">!</font>
(well, 1st non-author, that is...) |
| #3 Casper...[46835] |
| odo.computerstudies.ca |
"Your fighter begin`s to slow down as the shockwave desipitates."
HAHAHA go back to school son.
'Your battered aircraft, creaking with each twist and turn through the shearing gales, and now, finally, having weathered the brutal shockwave, humbly decelerated at your command. Despite knowing better, you could swear that the faithful craft's engine sighed almost gleefully at finally being given a rest after such turmoil and madness; for you had flown so far on the edge and pushed the craft so far beyond design that it was a miracle that she hadn't broken up in mid-flight and showered your remains over 5 seperate States.' |
| #4 Mellinium_Ben21[46839] |
| spider-wd054.proxy.aol.com |
Uh.Hmmmm.And this would relate to an Acolyte-fighter riding out the shockwave from a Seige Cannon how?
BTW,wasn`t Casper supposed to be a gay little dead kid? |
| #5 Aquamarine[46849] |
| 204.164.199.92 |
I like how MILLENIUM (not mellinium.....) Ben keeps spewing out crap story after crap story....spell check next time, and you like those apostrophe'''''''s eh?
Btw, im wondering if anyone even cares if i post my Unreal Tournament short story, which i think is pretty good.
PLz send feedback at Aquamarine187@hotmail.com
|
| #6 probe[46854] |
| 242849hfc152.tampabay.rr.com |
it's amuses me to read a 12-year-olds version of fan-fic.
i'll post mine soon if i ever get off my ass and finish it =} |
| #7 BW-sux[46857] |
| spider-ta025.proxy.aol.com |
This looks like crap. I didn't read it. So no rating.
BW-sux |
| #8 DaRk_BerZerKer[46858] |
| d47-kt01-ktnr-pdi.attcanada.net |
| yea, i started a fan fic story like, 2 months ago.....maybe i should finish it |
| #9 BW-sux[46865] |
| spider-ta025.proxy.aol.com |
| I'll give you one writing tip: don't write in 2nd person. |
#10  [46867] |
| as530066.infocom.com |
Another report that's not too bad, but let me ask you this question? Why do you insist on writing in second person? There are very few instances where writing in second person is appropriate. This was not one of them.
The <b>short</b> story wasn't all that bad, however there were no characters, no plot lines, no background, just a lot of explosions. You must give me more to satiate my reading tastes.
4
Cheers,
Dref |
| #11 Mellinium_Ben21[46874] |
| spider-wn014.proxy.aol.com |
Aqua:Heh,you try and get a good rating with text only and NO html.
Probe:Uh...ok.
BW-Sux:If you didn`t read it,don`t comment on it and then read it and tell me to improve my style.That`s just pretty lame.
Drefsab:Second person is a little more interesting to write in for me.As for the explosions,lack of story etc. etc.,that`s what Homeworld`s combat scenes rely on.
Hopefully my next story or BR get`s a higher rating.Thanks,later. |
| #12 [46875] |
| as530066.infocom.com |
Mellinium,
If that's what combat scenes rely on, then do a battle report. If you're gonna write fanfic, you need to have characters and a story. Those characters become more real to the reader if they are depicted in 1st or 3rd person.
My opinions of course, but I don't think they're too far off
Cheers,
Dref |
| #13 Mellinium_Ben21[46946] |
| spider-tq021.proxy.aol.com |
Okay,if I try another story I`ll do it in 1st or 3rd person.
Ah well.Later. |
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