| #1 Monty Pylon[49073] |
| client-209-158-180-3.bellatlantic.net |
I decided to skip game three and start a new style. This is an experiment. Please comment and should I do more.
P.S-Spelling is done on purpose to capture the spirit of the redneck.
|
| #2 Mama~Maureen[49074] |
| nic-163-c208-031.mw.mediaone.net |
| First non-author! |
#3  [49087] |
|
| Don't post stories in part unless each part is over five pages in MS word or something similar plz. |
| #4 Baxter-O'Bixby[49096] |
| 206.14.52.136 |
| I agree. At this rate, we should be at the end of the game sometime next year. :) |
| #5 Person[49108] |
| adsl-63-205-196-79.dsl.scrm01.pacbell.net |
| your shit really sucks |
| #6 Shepherd[49119] |
| cm-24-161-49-168.nycap.rr.com |
PARAGRAPHS between speakers to separate them.
<b>Don't finish the BR UNTIL you're done. IT AIN'T OVER UNTIL A FAT ZERGLING SINGS!</b> Or is that Fat Zealot or is that Fat Firebat (Firefats). . .I'm so confused here. But you get the idea. |
| #7 miserableman[49238] |
| febris.mcc.wwwcache.ja.net |
| good but sho.. |
| #8 BackStabingLiar[49299] |
| 63.239.42.130 |
| funny mis |
| #9 GAY[49365] |
| spider-ti012.proxy.aol.com |
| ANOTHER GAY ASS FAGGITY REPORT U FUCKIN SUCK |
| #10 Dr.Zchivago[49379] |
| box2.trfb.navy.mil |
Ok Monty, I saw some of your posts. Here ya go with some stuff:
The writing is very nice. I think it flowed rather well and provided a very definitive picture in my mind. I was left with a few questions right off the bat though.
A scout only reported a zerg brood? Nothing in regards to size of the brood, or directional location. Not necessarily a bad thing. I like to know where they are coming from and how many they are. Perhaps this coulda put a little more SCARE into your rookie marines. Perhaps you were saving those details for later. Either way, if you find a way to bring details like that out, while keeping with your nice flow, it will be supurb.
Another I think provides for ease of reading is use of "white space".
This is use of white space.
The spacing or double spacing inbetween major ideas or more importantly, speech.
"You see the white space, Monty?" asks Dr.Zchivago.
"Why yes I do!" responds Monty-Pylon.
You don't have to use large gaps of space, or put a space inbetween everything, it just helps to break up one long block of text. Makes it much more appealing.
As far as this getting flamed, well, it is incredibly flammable, regardless of the nice writing.
<ul><li>It is way too short.
<li>No real character development due to being too short.
<li>Nice writing, but pisses me off because it is too short.
<li>Left out some details (terrain, enemy local, etc), but probably due to being too short!
</ul>
I hope that helps some, Monty.
-Dr.Z |
| #11 PissTaker[49438] |
| chilli.mcc.wwwcache.ja.net |
| I don't care about what Dr.Zchivago says, I thouht it was too short! |
| #12 PisstTaker[49439] |
| chilli.mcc.wwwcache.ja.net |
| Oh, I forgort! Next time make it longer! |
| #13 PissTaker[49440] |
| febris.mcc.wwwcache.ja.net |
| Oh I forgot. Next time make it a bit LONGER!! |
| #14 Viper$[49506] |
| spider-wc063.proxy.aol.com |
WAY to short. otherwise it was decent.
Terrans own:) |
| #15 ..a+bu-(s|e^r..[49533] |
| spider-wb064.proxy.aol.com |
| that was a good battle report, it coulda been longer but the detail was good and u knew what was going on, write some morea these |
| #16 happydood[51397] |
| 197.providence-03-04rs.ri.dial-access.att.net |
| gay very very gay where the fuck you get this shit you fucker go fucka cow |
| #17 fat matt[87829] |
| 216.82.63.11 |
| this is a god awful piece of shit......it has to be said |
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