| #1 ScreamStalker[51342] |
| slip-32-100-234-25.ca.us.prserv.net |
| Yay. First. |
| #2 ScreamStalker[51343] |
| slip-32-100-234-25.ca.us.prserv.net |
Ah shit, the last paragraph didn't come up. Hunh. Well it says something along the lines of, sorry there was no action this story, chapter 4 will be full of blood and guts I promise.
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| #3 3rd![51344] |
| users2.xorchicago.com |
| First non-author, now to read. |
| #4 Dapp[51345] |
| users2.xorchicago.com |
| I liked the use of Italics to emphasize the conversations. I thought that made it much easier to read. All in all good fan fic, put some damn action in it though. Looking forward to the next installment. |
| #5 Dragon_Monk[51357] |
| 130.33.201.169 |
| Stalker, i like you story line a lot, and i think your a good writer. Ever though about writing an actual book? no joke. If you would add a little more detail, and more explanations like what lighting balls(that dragoons fired. in more detail again) were in previons parts, i really believe it would make a great sci/fi book, that i would be the first to buy. i dont know any publishers but let me know if i can help in case you are seriously considering putting all these parts into one big book. |
| #6 <font color=yellow> |]agomar[51360] |
| 139.57.232.2 |
GG!
However, could I give some advice? ( It's up to you to decide whether it's worth anything ).
First, a conversation between two people in a single setting is probably not enough for a full-scale report. Refer to my "Revenge." It got a 7, because it basically showed a few Terran ships blowing the jeneepers out of a a little alien craft.
Second, you may want to make this report a little less "James Bonish." It sounds slightly standardized. For instance, instead of the Colonel saying "I was hoping you'd ask that," you could write "An icy smile spread darkly over the Colonel's face. His eyes flickered. "Indeed," he pursed, strolling over . . . yadayadayada"
You may want to diss the 'darkly' tho =D.
But I loved the navy blue text. That was really something that made this very easy to read. GG!
Remember to start each new quote on a different line, if you want to be grammatically correct, that is ;)
The italics were great. WTG.
I haven't read Parts 1 or 2, I guess I'll go do that now! Part 4 of the Alliance should be coming out just after my WW4 FFA Round 1 - stayed tuned ( if you liked the first 3 parts ).
8 |
| #7 <font color=yellow> |]agomar[51361] |
| 139.57.232.2 |
PS There are placed where you can publish your book <i> online </i> . . . should you want to do this you may want to look into that.
:) |
| #8 Sonneillon[51370] |
| tsdlsk01d0101019.sk.sympatico.ca |
Heh heh heh, I bet when you saw my name you suddenly thought I would start critizing your latest report.
I'll do none of that today, as I found this to be quite good. A little chiche' yes, but still good. (Cliche in that the above average expendable soldier gets a secret assignment from a bad ass leader in an underground bunker. Then he goes out on a mission, troubles arise, yada yada. =] I still find it entertaining though). Doh! I just realized I critized your report!
Ah well. Old habits die hard.
You're probably going to get a 8-8.5-9(?) on this baby. Good show.
-Sonn |
| #9 WRACKLE![51372] |
| cr60057-a.rct1.bc.wave.home.com |
| this ummmm sux... this a sucks.... this jus.... sucks.. it like... a sucks... jus like... sucks! |
| #10 RaZaGhAx[51381] |
| cx55467-a.irvn1.occa.home.com |
OK SCREW U WRACKLE OK? YOU NO MANNER, I DISC.
Anyways, I always look forward for your cool fictions. g'job =)
<b>RaZ</b>-BLD
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| #11 RaZaGhAx[51384] |
| cx55467-a.irvn1.occa.home.com |
| I meant to your cool fictions =(. Oops |
| #12 We Want More[51666] |
| bob.evil.za.net |
| Nuff said |
| #13 BackStabingLiar[51683] |
| 63.239.42.130 |
| great job again, im really liking this story |
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