| #1 Cearas[81800] |
| proxy-02.pe.iqnet.net.au |
| Your Dad. |
| #2 Cearas[81801] |
| proxy-02.pe.iqnet.net.au |
| hey wow, I did get first. |
| #3 IG_Parchandri[81806] |
| nc-01.attica.net.nz |
| OMG, this gets more and more fascinating! (First real comment! yay!) |
| #4 Laean[81808] |
| dtkim.resnet.ucsd.edu |
| I was wondering when you were gonna write the next one. Keep writing pls. |
| #5 Dillihole[81810] |
| 1Cust219.tnt6.tacoma.wa.da.uu.net |
For the love of god Victim! STOP SNIFFING THE LIQUID PAPER! These fanfics are getting weirder by the second. I just don't get it? I just don't see what everyone thinks is so great about this. Maybe they are just as insane as you are. :)
Oh well, if they like it, I say keep going. It is entertaining though, I guess, even though I feel like I just entered The Twilight Zone when I click on your name. |
| #6 LupeeNoire[81811] |
| mke-24-167-241-166.wi.rr.com |
I was kinda muffed at how the SCV handled the fact that a DT was at his door.
I mean, I expected some kind of panic, whereas the dude just kinda said,
"oh well". Other than that, though, excellent writing (if not a little strange, like
the previous post said).
-LupeeNoire |
| #7 Harry Balsac[81820] |
| 03-137.075.popsite.net |
OMFG, this is really, really, WAY out there.
Sniffing Magnum markers is harmful to your health.
Perhaps we could have a 'Bowling for DT's' Shareware game to go with it?
|
| #8 america~jin[81828] |
| 12.7.75.67 |
EVERYONE WRITE MORE FANFICS PLZ
MORE MORE MORE MORE
THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH
FANFICS 8 -- BRs 0 |
| #9 HKRules[81843] |
| 12.107.65.75 |
Protoss are supposed to be a high and mighty race. Why would they allow a Civilian to live at the cost of a Dark Templar? It makes no sense at all.
P.S. You've only posted, like 3 pieces, don't get furious about everyone else posting fan fic. How long have you been on this site?
|
| #10 damnu fools[81846] |
| spider-wf054.proxy.aol.com |
| this report owned plz write more |
| #11 Not a fool[81851] |
| 12.107.65.75 |
| Report? Report on what???? |
| #12 shockwave[81854] |
| exchange1.sensable.com |
Interesting story! One thing you must *really* learn though, because it's a common mistake.
"Its" is the possessive of "It".
"It's" is *always* "it is".
You do not say:
<I>The observer interjected with a short burst of it’s own.</I>
It's:
<I>The observor interjected with a short burst of its own.</I>
Etc there are lots of instances of misuse in the story. Anyway, this isn't an attempt to nitpick, I enjoyed the story, but I hope you can find some use with this information.
|
| #13 Raider[81856] |
| netgate.exeter.edu |
Good story, ok writing. While your description is solid, you dialogue is weak. You need to try to show emotions and insert some action into the dialogue. Show us what they do as they talk. And show emotins. As one fellow said above, it seemed really weird how the guys did not seem at all alarmed at the fact that a DT was hacking thourgh the door. THey were simply emotionless, and emotion is what makes a character seem real and human. Work on giving those guys character and you'll do great. Keep writing.
Raider |
| #14 TheVictim[81866] |
| 155.176.112.80 |
I do think more emotion would have been appropriate. However, there is a reason why the tech wasn't having the proverbial spaz. That will be explained later. I'll try to develop the characters a bit more. There is also a reason why the probe wasn't being more emotional :P
|
| #15 Starookie[81891] |
| edtn007883.hs.telusplanet.net |
| pretty cool gj |
| #16 awe 6[81917] |
| c286394-a.pinol1.sfba.home.com |
| that is very good...it has a huge amount of detail, and the story actually works. keep up the great storyline. i say its good for a 7-8, maybe even 9. |
| #17 (DL)Spam[81921] |
| hst000003162um.kincannon.olemiss.edu |
| Make a real BR thanks |
| #18 Sub.Seven[81958] |
| 64.240.52.210 |
| I liked this a lot, especially on how you've written it so it's like the real game (IE how you said it would take several shots with the Guass Rifle to kill the DT, why SVs cost so much gas.) Keep up the writing. |
| #19 TheVictim[81959] |
| 155.176.112.81 |
The tech is just background, the blood is coming soon. By the bucketloads.
|
| #20 <font color=yellow> |]agomar[82060] |
| static-32.itcanada.com |
OK Listen:
Stop it. You are a good writer, but not one to write a novel. You have yet much to learn. Read some Praetor or maybe even me and study.
The first sentence had some basic flaws which could have been corrected easily. Learn how to do so. And in the mean time, br games. |
| #21 TheVictim[82081] |
| 01-063.075.popsite.net |
You tell me to stop it, and yet to learn. Writing and receiving criticism from it to improve the future product is part of the process. I can't stop writing and learn at the same time.
If I had enough brains to write novels then I wouldn't be posting stuff here, I'd be trying to make some money. I do this for fun.
Yes, I have read Praetor. He ruled! If it wasn't for Praetor we wouldn't see half the stories we do now (although some might not consider that a good thing).
I'm too much of a lamer to write BR's. If it is any consolation, from now on my fanfic is going in the 'other' category so you can avoid it if you like.
|
Home
Forum
Starcraft Tournaments
