| #1 WarLeaderJustin[83950] |
| 64.171.76.10 |
| First... |
| #2 brented[83951] |
| proxy3-external.elcjn1.sdca.home.com |
| 2nd |
| #3 me[83952] |
| pm308.osg.net |
| BLARGH |
| #4 Harry Balsac[83953] |
| 04-173.075.popsite.net |
| GODAMMIT, QUIT SMOKING CRACK!!! Write something NORMAL!!! |
| #5 Cearas[83957] |
| cache02-e3c.syd.optusnet.com.au |
I fucked ur mum.
early coment yes plz thx |
| #6 HKRules[83979] |
| c319196.extern.lawrenceville.org |
| short? |
| #7 Genesis[83980] |
| proxy.ocps.k12.fl.us |
ACK! I MuSt KnOw WhaT HaPPeNs NeXt O_o. Who is riley what is his objective >_< MUST KNOW...AHHHHH x_x(you already know it was totaly ausome as usual =) )
~Genesis |
| #8 Monty Pylon[83981] |
| gateway.Culinary.EDU |
I thought you were going to keep it under the floorboards. :-P
Nice work as usual. I didn't really notice any shortness, maybe its just me. |
| #9 shockwave[83998] |
| exchange1.sensable.com |
| A good read. One suggestion: The interesting backgrounds and explanations you put in are neat to read and show a lot of creativity. However, don't let them overwhelm your story. A lot of your stories is filled with explanations to the readers either directly, or through the characters' dialog itself (i.e. some of the dialog exists only so that concepts can be explained to the reader). Again, this sort of thing is cool, but don't overdo it because it is generally does not add anything directly to the story. People are generally interested in reading fiction because of the story and development, not because of trivia. Anyway just an explanation, I'm sure there are differing opinions on this, and I'm enjoying the series a lot so far. |
| #10 phoenix[LoD][84013] |
| roc-24-95-209-16.rochester.rr.com |
Once again, very nice.
Keep it up, the story is moving now.
-phoenix[LoD] |
| #11 awe 6[84052] |
| c286394-a.pinol1.sfba.home.com |
| excellent...the story has its own original details (like the out-of the-ordinary buildings), and the characters have original motives (instead of lets-blow-up-the-thingy-on-the-whozit-before-the-zergling-kills-us-to-death). good job, you obviously spent a lot of time on this. keep it up :D |
| #12 TheVictim[84062] |
| 155.176.112.116 |
shockwave: When I start to get overly narrative, I just read the fight scene between Bink and Trent in the final chapter of Piers Anthony's 'A Spell for Chameleon'. A swordfight (in a tree no less) is supposed to be going on, however the characters are rattling on about the operational intricacies of Bink's magic talent while they are supposed to be fighting for their lives. That usually returns me to Earth :P
|
| #13 You Suck[84225] |
| 155.176.112.95 |
| Praetor owns you sorry ass. Give this shit up. |
| #14 You Suck Even Worse[84346] |
| 155.176.112.61 |
| ROFL, you got a 5 this time. L00Zer |
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