| #1 <font color=yellow><b>Protophobic</b></font>[92190] |
| cm-24-169-216-188.nycap.rr.com |
| <font color=yellow>;) |
| #2 iggy[92192] |
| adsl-64-160-24-124.dsl.lsan03.pacbell.net |
| SHUDDUP |
| #3 [...][92198] |
| 216.113.92.12 |
| ratata ! |
| #4 derek[92204] |
| spider-tr043.proxy.aol.com |
nice writing
7 |
#5  [92212] |
| proxy4-external.denver1.co.home.com |
| woot woot |
#6  [92213] |
| proxy4-external.denver1.co.home.com |
| w00t w00t even |
| #7 CrackHeadJeb[92401] |
| mu-178245.dhcp.missouri.edu |
The climax of the story is of the perfect length. The writing is sexy, again (third time I've said that). Are you by chance an English Major? (nono, not English Major Student, just a general question)
This only had about 10KB of text. But the awesome descriptions make up for the short length. The battle between Draxus and Corvus kicked major ass.
Rating if I would rate this chapter alone: 8
Rating if I would rate all three chapters as one: 9
(keep in mind that this viewpoint many not be the most qualified, but I do know what I enjoy, and I enjoyed this)
The story is of a nice length, character development is perfect, narrative style is perfect. The reason why I would go with a 9 instead of a 10 is because I think this story is a 9.4 in my book.
Frankly, limiting yourself to Heretic level one elements cut out more potential plot devices. SilverSpring could've been a much bigger place in your story, and I feel that you've cheated yourself out of putting Corvus in a much more interesting place.
Great fanfic.
-CrackHeadJeb |
| #8 DrAwesome[92417] |
| PPP-155-49.va.sprint-hsd.net |
well when i finally got around to read this i was pleasantly surprised. the writing is amazing as others have said already, and i found myself getting hooked, wondering what would happen next.
i remember heretic ^^ fun for a while but hexen and doom were better :O
anyways, nice writing, and very long. The fact that it took 3 reports to tell the story of just 1 level in a game will actually probably detract from the rating. it seemed to me that there was alot of flowery excess text in there that could have been shortened. The pics were a nice touch, and some formatting would have helped
well im just criticizing, but thats the job of a rater ^^
excellent writing, fun story, as a whole, ill give you an
8
DrAwesome |
| #9 DrAwesome[92436] |
| PPP-155-49.va.sprint-hsd.net |
hehe whoops accidentally rated the second one in the series :P
oh well you know what you got and what you deserve! |
| #10 Nafarias[92440] |
| 63.117.233.194 |
Thanks Dr. Awsome and Crackhead. Nothing stokes the fires of a writer like undeserved praise.. :)
Crackhead: I limited to H1M1 beCAUSE this is chapter one of (perhaps) a full length novel on the whole Heretic experience (maybe ch 1 & 2 - dunno). There are plot places a gogo left in the rest of the series if I bother with it.
DrAwesome: Yeah it is long and flowery - very much so! HOwever, read my preface in part 1 and you will see why. Was it a mistake to choose 'high fantasy' for this? Perhaps for some - but I like the way it turned out anyway. :)
More could be written folks. The amount of effort I put into a sequel is directly related to the amount of demand I hear for it.
The next chapter? To whet your appetites, the title is "Donum non Dedibam". I'll let you latin experts figure out what that suggests... :) |
| #11 Nafarias[92441] |
| 63.117.233.194 |
Thanks Dr. Awsome and Crackhead. Nothing stokes the fires of a writer like undeserved praise.. :)
Crackhead: I limited to H1M1 beCAUSE this is chapter one of (perhaps) a full length novel on the whole Heretic experience (maybe ch 1 & 2 - dunno). There are plot places a gogo left in the rest of the series if I bother with it.
DrAwesome: Yeah it is long and flowery - very much so! HOwever, read my preface in part 1 and you will see why. Was it a mistake to choose 'high fantasy' for this? Perhaps for some - but I like the way it turned out anyway. :)
More could be written folks. The amount of effort I put into a sequel is directly related to the amount of demand I hear for it.
The next chapter? To whet your appetites, the title is "Donum non Dedibam". I'll let you latin experts figure out what that suggests... :) |
| #12 ThieverIV[92455] |
| spider-tj043.proxy.aol.com |
"The gift was not given" or something like that, I've only taken Latin for 1 year, don't know that tense.
Anyway, I'm sorry to say I didn't really like this. The "your hate will lead to your destruction" theme got REALLY repeditive after 92837493874 times, actually the writing style itself was pretty repeditive. Besides that not bad |
| #13 Nafarias[92456] |
| 170.89.17.110 |
Close - "The gift not given". Semantically, latin would allow for both translations though. Kudos. As to repetition - yeah I know it is there. The problem is this is more like a short story than a chapter in a novel. My vision is ultimately novella or novel in length, but BR.com formats don't really allow for such a format, and so I am stuck with short story format. In a Short story, you have to sort of club the theme in a bit. If I was doing it over in a real novel, there's a lot I would be doing differently. M'eh - what do you do?
Naf
|
| #14 jugnuts[92682] |
| cy662178-a.huntgtn1.wv.home.com |
I liked the writing a lot. Very descriptive and appealing. It's a shame you have to use the short story format, because i'd love to see this in a full length story format. I dig the fantasy novels from time to time, especially when someone writes something based on an old game that was pretty cool. Personally, i think some of the punctuation makes a few of the sentences read funny and i'd have done that a bit differently, but different people have their own styles (regardless if they're right or wrong. hehe) I don't mean to sound like i'm saying the way you write is wrong, just different from mine.
jugnuts |
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