| #1 BOBBY357[99585] |
| spider-wa024.proxy.aol.com |
| woo-hoo! FIRST!!!!!!!! |
| #2 (...Blaze...)[99587] |
| marx.ti.telenor.net |
I'm not much into fan fics, so I won't read it. Just wanna say; nice that you keep making them even if you get flamed^^ gogo
and dago, hf reading:) |
| #3 Zalbag[99589] |
| chi-tgn-gjl-vty8.as.wcom.net |
| omfg this fanfics rock! :D very nice story line btw. |
| #4 -{KoA}-Insomnia[99592] |
| ACB68BE9.ipt.aol.com |
| it got boring after a while, so i stopped reading |
| #5 Raging~Kozak[99593] |
| 204.83.191.2 |
Nice turnabout with the kill.
RK |
| #6 LuckyNewbie:P[99596] |
| user-33qtqcu.dialup.mindspring.com |
| omfg this fanfics suck! D: plz stop writing btw |
| #7 Eric Dude[99597] |
| cust-140-230.as03.sttl.eli.net |
Lucky Newbie, I just... I just can't think of anything to follow up such genius with. My fucking hat is fucking off to you, sir.
plz stop commenting btw |
| #8 Syndrome_Zed[99600] |
| P124-Dell.Stanford.EDU |
Not too bad - but the "end" doesn't make any sense. One minute, the Teller guy is on a podium in front of a bunch of reporters. The next, he's dead and somehow this sniper is going to 1) pick up the target's rifle as a memento; and 2) wants to know what to do with the body? Now how in the world is this guy going to get down where a bunch of reporters are most likely taking pictures of the new Big Story, take the guy's gun, and even have reason to wonder what to do with a body he'll never have access to?
There's this thing called continuity - one of the problems with the old Star Treks. You've got to be consistent and make sure the story flows correctly. It's like you wrote it as separate scenes and forgot to put the transitions in.
Oh, and I may be wrong, but I don't think Canister Rifles fire bullets. The Canisters are a special type of ammo. |
| #9 Syndrome_Zed again[99601] |
| P124-Dell.Stanford.EDU |
| Never mind :). I just had a chance to go back and re-read it, and apparently I'd skipped a paragraph or two somehow. My bad :). |
| #10 [e2]Squad[99604] |
| h000094c7d4a8.ne.mediaone.net |
MONTY! FOR FUCK'S SAKE FINISH A MOTHER FUCKING SERIES BE4 YOU START ANOTHER!!!!! this way, we actually :know: (oooohhhhhhh) what happens. That is, if you bother to read it.
btw,
Dag, I pity you. gl "hf" TT |
| #11 Phobos_ColZ[99608] |
| AC8235B7.ipt.aol.com |
| This was alot better. Nice surprise ending. First person perspective always makes you feel more "into" it, and makes the character seem more real. A good short story, if a bit too short. A few grammar and structure problems too. 7. |
| #12 Shadow D'Arc[99610] |
| spider-wb063.proxy.aol.com |
Only thing, other than listed above, that I can see is, Who the hell says what? Thats been a problem with most of your fic, ever since the early ones. Everyone saying something at once, gets really hard to follow. A little better here than in Coalition, because it is all split up, but still can't really tell who says what. Oh well, GJ anyway. T_Mac is gay.
Peace,
Shadow D'Arc |
| #13 Dampiere[99617] |
| ares.uwimona.edu.jm |
Dammit! and here i was all ready to invent some cool new sniper derived name to kill under in counterstrike and you had to kill my hero!
argh! oh well... :)
welcome back monty, hows school? you seem real bored of late.
nice story as usual, this one grabbed me with the sniper element (been playing Max Payne) and held me to the surprise end.
well done
later
D |
| #14 NotDefault[99619] |
| h24-76-173-79.vs.shawcable.net |
Syndrome_Zed, at the end, Teller didn't actually die. Rather, a sniper working for Mengsk killed the sniper who was aiming for Teller. That's the "continuity." :)
Read it again, and switch POV at the "CLICK" and it'll make sense.
NotDefault |
| #15 Ana[99621] |
| phnxdslgw9poolC33.phnx.uswest.net |
could you be any more into yourself?
YOU'RE NOT THAT FUCKING GOOD OF A WRITER, THESE AREN'T ENTERTAINING: FUCKING STOP |
| #16 Triped[99623] |
| cf1-new.utc.com |
Text-only owns.
Fanfic is mediocre at best, unless you are Drefsab.
Conclusioin: bleh |
| #17 |]agomar[99625] |
| Ottawa-ppp3517184.sympatico.ca |
Monty, I have nothing against you writing fanfics. Just please stop blanketing the airwaves with them.
Now to read. |
| #18 |]agomar[99626] |
| Ottawa-ppp3517184.sympatico.ca |
Hm, well . . . interesting, and difficult for me to rate. On the one hand, it was a fairly interesting story which was far better written than anything of yours I've read. On the other hand, it seemed to be set in the present . . . it was quite shock learning it took place thousands of years into the future. I mean, cmon, do you really think everything will be exactly the same then as it is now? That actually irritated me substancially.
Some mistakes hurt, like the Today, Tomorrow Tonight sequence. Should be Today, Tonight, Tomorrow. And things like grammatical errors hurt particularly much in fan fics. I'm torn as to wether to give you a 6 or 7 on this . . . on the one hand, I'd give it a lower mark because of th simple and anti-climatical plot, on the other hand, you did write an awful lot better than normal . . . .
A 6. If something had gone wrong in the operation, you'd have gotten a 7 from me =). |
| #19 Phobos_ColZ[99627] |
| spider-tq011.proxy.aol.com |
| Dag, something did go wrong. That's the surprise ending, the sniper gets sniped. |
| #20 |]agomar[99645] |
| St-Catherines-ppp112497.sympatico.ca |
| lol, I didn't and still am not seeing that. Hm . . . in any case, my rating sticks =(. |
| #21 -^Puppy^-[99670] |
| spider-ntc-ta033.proxy.aol.com |
| i got about to the first paragraph...then i realized i was out of M&M's, so i stopped reading. O ya, it was boring.. |
| #22 -^Puppy^-[99671] |
| spider-ntc-ta033.proxy.aol.com |
| The M&M's were much better than the fanfic... |
| #23 Monty Pylon[99685] |
| 1Cust193.tnt18.norwalk.ct.da.uu.net |
Ana-I write because I like to and I post because I can. I in no way feel that I am a god because I happen to write a lot and post a lot. And I know that somehow, me refering to myself will further enhance your belief that I am an ego-maniac and love nothing but the ground I walk on. If you don't want to read them then don't. If you don't like fan fics or text only BR's then don't click on my name. Read someone else's work and quite berrating me with your spiteful bullshit. Flaming is one thing, but you have been hounding me over your strange obsession to prove I am some sort of asshole. Fuck you and your opinions. Also, have a nice day.
Dag-Straight and too the point as usual. I was going for a real "outer limits twist, but I guess I fell short. I'll try again. Soon you can be giving me some real 6's, because I ahven't heard from any other rater hopefuls except you.
Puppy-Tell me...is there really something about the green ones? |
| #24 Shadow D'Arc[99691] |
| spider-ti071.proxy.aol.com |
Okay, now I get it. The switched POV things was painful, because you say 'I' on both parts. That's not nice. After reading what it actually was, the "Without Teller who can we trust?" part made more sense. Thanks NotDefault for figuring that out. It was still fux0ring mean of you to not say the first guys name, before the click, and then it's EXTREMELY hard to tell who Driss actually is. Oh well. T_Mac is gay.
Peace,
Shadow D'Arc |
| #25 NotDefault[99702] |
| h24-76-173-79.vs.shawcable.net |
Yes, I happen to agree that the continued use of "I" was evil.
NotDefault |
| #26 |]agomar[99723] |
| Ottawa-ppp3517204.sympatico.ca |
| Well, I'm the only rater candidate right now, and the raters aren't allowed to comment while the test goes on, otherwise I could just take their advice and send it to Mark =) |
| #27 WarLeaderJustin[99758] |
| 63.113.115.5 |
| Well, Monty, I finally sat down to read this cause I'm bored out of my mind, and was pleasantly surprised to find a nice storyline, with developing characters and a nice twist in the end. Nice job done, I agree with Dag on the rating though. You could've polished this a bit more, carried it further, made it longer.... ahhhhh 6. |
| #28 SarcasticSage[100256] |
| 207.157.58.61 |
This is your daily dose of ghost, yes i liked this story alot, yes we still love you Monty (here at Sage Inc. :P) stupid people have no vision, i guess you jes have to read around 500 books before you can take a plot twist like that... mebe... who knows anyways kudos to the story keep pumping them out, i'll keep reading :D and if all turns to flames, who gives a damn? keep posting :D
-SS |
Home
Forum
Starcraft Tournaments
