| #1 KillaH![101046] |
| 206.99.34.53 |
| 2nd!!! |
| #2 Diluvio[101047] |
| client-151-200-161-80.bellatlantic.net |
| Interesting... |
| #3 Litz-C)8[101048] |
| spider-mtc-ta051.proxy.aol.com |
Nice layout, Looks good, I'll read later tonite...
--Litz |
| #4 stonecoldnewbie[101049] |
| AC919D32.ipt.aol.com |
| k. |
| #5 [101050] |
| rm03-24-131-186-223.ce.mediaone.net |
| i think ill make up a word: NERDORK |
| #6 Typhoon[101051] |
| 161.231.1.22 |
| Not everyone can be as cool as me #6. Not very educated are you? =) |
| #7 Katome[101053] |
| h24-82-14-88.ed.shawcable.net |
| You say all this about education, but you need work on your English. Interrogative sentences need question marks at the end, etc.. And some phrases/sentences are jerky. On a personal bias, I can't stand the present tense, but if you stuck with it the whole way thats fine, its just I don't like it >.>; Unfortunately these things turned me off from reading it, because its a fanfic, and those are about writing and plot. Without good writing a plot is nothing. |
| #8 someone[101055] |
| sc-66-27-186-137.socal.rr.com |
fan fics suck and so do you. fuck off
|
| #9 Triped[101056] |
| proxy1-gw.gcc.edu |
| Present tense writing blows |
| #10 Mistears[101062] |
| sc-66-27-40-71.socal.rr.com |
if u hate fanfics dont read them. fanfic bashing is getting old .
i wonder...will "
#1 Nolife[#######]
FIRST!
"
ever get old?
|
| #11 Typhoon[101065] |
| 66.56.225.1 |
Im just looking for ideas on the storyline. I already have probably 10 or 11 more chapters worth of information planned out, I just have to put it together and write it. I used present tense because of the difficulty, and the feeling it gives the reader of being right there in the middle of everything rather than just reading a history lesson.
Typhoon |
| #12 Monty Pylon[101066] |
| 1Cust66.tnt13.norwalk.ct.da.uu.net |
Just a small hint, if you do continue, which I think you should, try and post more at one time. Having 11 chapters is something that many people around here hate. Try to limit it to single digits. Of course if the stories are insanly long, dont try this. But if thier around five pages of solid material, compress two into one. A large portion of story is always preffered.
|
| #13 Shadow D'Arc[101070] |
| spider-wg021.proxy.aol.com |
Good story, good plot. My only bitch is about the way you have them talking, just kinda ugly IMO. What Monty said, make them longer each time, and you will get less bitches about having too many posts for one story, the way Monty gets. You'll just get bitches about it being a fanfic and being long :). Whens the rest of the big one comin Monty? T_Mac is gay.
Peace,
Shadow D'Arc
P.S. I'm enlisting Sunday, so I might not be around for a while after then. |
| #14 Typhoon[101076] |
| 161.231.1.20 |
| Thanks for your comments. |
| #15 [e2]Squad[101081] |
| h000094c7d4a8.ne.mediaone.net |
| erm...wtf? I lost you completely in the office. =(, what was going on? |
| #16 Typhoon[101098] |
| 161.231.1.20 |
| Basically she was arguing against signing a new contract with V-Tech to be their main weapon developer, and instead to have their own weapon development center. |
| #17 Ana[101261] |
| phnxdslgw9poolA25.phnx.uswest.net |
| you take this shit entirely too seriously: "If you are not literate, or don't enjoy reading unless it comes with Dr. Seuss pictures, don't read any further." i enjoy reading literature that is good. adjectives and neat words don't make a story. my favorite story teller is Kafka and he near totally negates the use of stupid, unnecessary terms. if you can use a word that's more simple than, then you probably should. even your post above this "main weapon developer:" my god, i'm laughing at you. you force "technical"-ness and graveness into everything you type: don't. |
#18  [101279] |
| ct91955-a.richmnd1.in.home.com |
I didn't like it. Its just not a fun story. Not interesting in the least. I probably won't read the next section if its released.
3
Dref
|
| #19 Wuteva[101389] |
| adsl-63-203-74-255.dsl.snfc21.pacbell.net |
| ZzZzzZZZZzzzzZZZZzZzZzZZZzZzZ's |
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