| #1 Kili[112854] |
| ua10d37hel.dial.kolumbus.fi |
1st.. i think
|
| #2 |]agomar[112855] |
| St-Catherines-ppp126389.sympatico.ca |
| dammit, I coulda had that if my computer hadn't frozen :( |
| #3 Keanu_Reaver[112856] |
| max01-dynamic-64-65-141-27.sea.eschelon.com |
| lol |
| #4 stardust8297[112857] |
| sdn-ar-002casfrMP063.dialsprint.net |
| quit makin excuses dadomar =P psh you probably never even read the story =P well I just finished reading it, and i thought it was a great addition to the story, and i enjoyed reading it =) hehe very suspenseful, full of action, very nice =) but how did they make it out of the room when the comp exploded??? good job keanu, keep writing =P |
| #5 ZerG~LinG[112858] |
| p444-91.ppp.get2net.dk |
Dadomar?
stardust, thats the worst joke with Dag's name i've seen yet
Lagomar or Fagomar is sooooo much better.
5th! |
| #6 Fondle My Zinger[112859] |
| mkc-65-26-21-5.kc.rr.com |
| Or how about "Penisomar"? |
| #7 Keanu_Reaver[112860] |
| max01-dynamic-64-65-141-27.sea.eschelon.com |
| typos own no? |
| #8 Amoeba_Boy[112862] |
| spider-wm042.proxy.aol.com |
| I'm confused |
| #9 |]agomar[112864] |
| St-Catherines-ppp112458.sympatico.ca |
both Fagomar and Lagomar are WAAAAY overused now . . . those jokes are old man!
Saying Lagomar now is like calling Tmac gay . . . it just sounds lame :(. The joke is like a tired old woman, grown fat, ugly and exhausted from having too many children.
Dadomar is pretty bad tho, considering the other options out there. |
| #10 Keanu_Reaver[112865] |
| max01-dynamic-64-65-141-27.sea.eschelon.com |
| ehm, she told me it was a typo dag --; |
| #11 |]agomar[112866] |
| St-Catherines-ppp112458.sympatico.ca |
| Petty excuses, Keanu!!!! |
| #12 Keanu_Reaver[112867] |
| max01-dynamic-64-65-141-27.sea.eschelon.com |
| such bm, and rate the damn thing already dag :O! |
| #13 SiG.[112868] |
| host-216-77-220-52.fll.bellsouth.net |
omg!
*drool*
next one next one
faster faster
gosu-er gosu-er
!!! |
| #14 Amoeba_Boy[112869] |
| spider-wm042.proxy.aol.com |
| Hmmmmmmmmmm, how about |-|agomar, its even got those lines, like your real name does |
| #15 andaca[112870] |
| ool-43535cc1.dyn.optonline.net |
| 14th! |
| #16 andaca[112871] |
| ool-43535cc1.dyn.optonline.net |
| damn you amoeba boy! |
#17  [112872] |
| St-Catherines-ppp112458.sympatico.ca |
okay, I will enter my rater mode, with all its glory and honour.
Continuing an ongoing trend for your fanfics, I rate this an 8. Good, but not the absolutely great required for a 9 ( you'll have to make it longer and even more kinky to achieve that, maybe with some artistic pictures too, though that isn't necessary if the story is good enough ).
it's thereafter, not there-after btw :). |
| #18 Amoeba_Boy[112873] |
| spider-wm042.proxy.aol.com |
| Sorry andaca, your just to slow |
| #19 Adrenaling[112879] |
| 24.156.202.174 |
| keanu might become the next best fan-fic writer. =] |
| #20 [112901] |
| spider-te023.proxy.aol.com |
| Next best, maybe. But he's still no .Praetor |
| #21 stardust8297[112928] |
| sdn-ar-023casfrMP183.dialsprint.net |
dadomar, schmadomar, i'll call you what i want!!
hmph! |
| #22 UltimateFire[112939] |
| spider-ntc-tc022.proxy.aol.com |
| lol...gw at rating dadomar ;P On a more serious note, I think this one was much too short, but then I have more caffeine than anything else in my bloodstream, so I'm reading faster than normal...but this continues your standard of excellence for fan fics. I look forward to seeing this compilied into one big manuscript when you're done :) |
| #23 reaqu[112976] |
| cache-1.lnh.md.webcache.rcn.net |
keep it up keanu, urs r the only fanfics worth my time,)
8.5 |
| #24 Twip[113126] |
| 0-1pool193-185.nas5.columbus1.oh.us.da.qwest.net |
I think it would be really gay if everyone started calling him Dadomar now.
Dadomar. |
| #25 SpaceAlien[113530] |
| kala.k12.hi.us |
| Spacealien owns b.net and your life. SpaceAlien Was here hahahah.The world will bow down to the spacealien |
| #26 stardust8297[113559] |
| sdn-ar-001casfrMP119.dialsprint.net |
| *bows down to spacealien* |
| #27 Keanu_Reaver[113578] |
| max01-dynamic-64-65-141-166.sea.eschelon.com |
| *tackles star* |
| #28 stardust8297[113590] |
| sdn-ar-011casfrMP045.dialsprint.net |
| !!! |
| #29 Keanu_Reaver[113593] |
| max01-dynamic-64-65-141-235.sea.eschelon.com |
| :) |
| #30 SpaceAlien[113774] |
| proxy.ia3.marketscore.com |
| Thus the world when live in has bow down to spacealien. Fire fallen before us.Light has gone before us. What does that make us? Who knows? Whoever what to know? Me? SpaceAlien has return.........Keanu Nice Story agian your story is cool/fun to read but try make it have more action rather than talking parts well cya.................SpaceAlien Owns b.net |
| #31 Black_Abyss[114129] |
| 1Cust162.tnt27.lax3.da.uu.net |
*Rams large pointy metal object into spacealien's head*
spacealien owns nothing.
BTW another awsome fanfic make more right now gogogo :) |
| #32 SpaceAlien[114358] |
| kala.k12.hi.us |
| Thus this other day! I own your worthless souls........I have a magic power to ram your heart.........Spacealien owns earth, I'm also the strongest person living and in the history of earth...So shut your canday ass you mofo!!!!! |
| #33 SpaceALien[114359] |
| kala.k12.hi.us |
| BOW DOWN TO ME BOW DOWN YOU WORTHLESS FOOLS |
| #34 worthless fool[116324] |
| sdn-ar-007casfrMP187.dialsprint.net |
| *bows down to spacealien* |
| #35 Thugmunk[163253] |
| d145h211.resnet.uconn.edu |
I didnt like it. I mean, it was 'okay', but I had to really use my imagination to see what I wanted to see and keep me interested. There wasnt enough description and things seemed rush. Plus, you have to read over your own story. Maybe even outloud. Let me give you an example as to why:
"Suddenly a loud explosion rocked the tank, causing it to flip over, breaking the chains bound around the four and causing them to sprawl down on the side of the tank....
made short work of the steel carapace of the tank, cutting a wide hole in it. The four jumped out of the tank and to their amazement, two giant military tank/goliath forces were in the heat of battle. The four quickly ducked under the cover of the tank and tried to recollect their thoughts as tank blasts rocked their ear drums."
Alright, how many times are you going to write the word tank? If you read this, it sounds repetitive and as if little effort was put forth when writing it. It shows no style or variation of sentence construction.
Overall it wasnt bad, but take some of these comments into consideration, and it will drastically improve your work. Keep at it!
|
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