| #1 Keanu_Reaver[120855] |
| max01-dynamic-64-65-141-50.sea.eschelon.com |
Due to popular demand, I made a new story :D hope you all enjoy, I know it's bland but its just now starting, gives ya a pretty good idea who the charactors are though :D
anyway, mucho mucho mucho thanks goes out to heidi for proof reading this and helping me choose a color scheme. also thanks to mattzarella for proof reading the first part of the story too :) |
| #2 John[120857] |
| adsl-63-206-89-120.dsl.snfc21.pacbell.net |
| 2nd very intresting story |
#3  [120858] |
| Ottawa-ppp3517204.sympatico.ca |
lol! I have to get my girlfriend to read over my next br. I think that would be the lowlight of the year for me . . . uh . . . almost.
Anyway, funky story :D. I hope I'm included later on, though the suger high/pussycat extravaganza in this tale was quite something. 8. |
| #4 Zeals~o~Valor[120859] |
| async15-12.remote.ualberta.ca |
| 4th |
| #5 Keanu_Reaver[120860] |
| max01-dynamic-64-65-141-53.sea.eschelon.com |
| haha, im not ashamed of being a writer dag ;) |
| #6 willwinforfood[120861] |
| ool-18b817a1.dyn.optonline.net |
| the background hurts my eyes at the hour. i'll read it later. =[ |
| #7 whoami[120862] |
| dialup-65.59.44.106.Dial1.Detroit1.Level3.net |
nice 7th
|
| #8 SiG.[120863] |
| AC90DBB0.ipt.aol.com |
:)
You stopped writing for too long :(
Keanu = story time man
more plz. |
| #9 striz[120864] |
| CPE00a0cc2d2b10.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com |
9th w00t, now to read ^^
I think that I'll be very pleased =D |
| #10 stardust8297[120867] |
| adsl-66-127-53-211.dsl.snfc21.pacbell.net |
w00t! awesome story so far =D hehe i really liked it--you did a really good job describing the characters/setting, it had excellent narration, was very lighthearted, and of course, as always, you left us all hangin at the end--sjdalkjdlkasjflkasdas--but that's ok, just means we'll be buggin you to write the next part =P
lol... looks like people are already not likin our choice of color scheme... oh well =P
great job on the story =) |
| #11 Sexy^Orangutang[120868] |
| 12-234-99-99.client.attbi.com |
one question
if this guy is so fucking poor, whats he doin with 50 bucks for a cab? it said the apartment wasn't too far, so i cant imagine it being that expensive.
but pretty cool story. |
| #12 Kane[120869] |
| 12-233-180-134.client.attbi.com |
| Starcraft BR? Where's the starcraft? |
| #13 Keanu_Reaver[120870] |
| max01-dynamic-64-65-141-53.sea.eschelon.com |
| missclick kane, meant it to be on the "other" thing :/ |
| #14 Narcotik[120876] |
| dialups-547.palmer.mtaonline.net |
| MY GOD!! may that slice of pizza R.I.P. :*( |
| #15 CyMaN[120884] |
| pD95234A0.dip.t-dialin.net |
BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ rang that annoying peice <--------
very good that 2 ppl did proofread the first part :)
so everyone knows now whom he shouldnt give his br for proofread, ay |
| #16 NFT[120892] |
| agent.lisco.com |
| Interesting, but is it just supposed to be some sort of police drama? |
| #17 CaughtNaked[120894] |
| waf-dc28-203.rasserver.net |
| tell me if im in it before i read pls :) |
| #18 [120896] |
| St-Catherines-ppp112379.sympatico.ca |
holy keanu, your girlfriend knows how to woot :O
Lucky you (:O |
| #19 stardust8297[120901] |
| adsl-66-127-53-211.dsl.snfc21.pacbell.net |
oooooooh congrats on going gold! =D
(not that we should have expected otherwise--this is an awesome story =P)
and cyman--ok ok, so i missed an eensie lil typo, i'll do better next time i promise! |
| #20 CyMaN[120905] |
| p50806CB2.dip.t-dialin.net |
^^ just thought it is a funny fact that 2 ppl proofread it and especially mattzarella who continually offered one guy to proofread his reports cuz the grammar and spelling had been very bad in a particular one.
Not that i care but i kinda hate flaming some guy and then not finding the error in this report although its kinda obvious(?) and although he only concentrated on the first part.
Ah and what i missed all the time was that this fic really owned, im looking forward to the continue. |
| #21 Amoeba_Boy[120907] |
| spider-tk082.proxy.aol.com |
| Man that was funny. Your daydream, your name, dag, that was all real funny. Keep it up |
| #22 Keanu_Reaver[120912] |
| max01-dynamic-64-65-141-176.sea.eschelon.com |
well, we're not perfect ;) was my mistake missing that spelling error anyway since they were more into correcting punctuation :P
anyway only dag and heidi (and myself of course) have been introduced into the story, there will be a whole lot more soon enough ;) |
| #23 Amoeba_Boy[120914] |
| spider-tk033.proxy.aol.com |
is heidi the girl at the end in the sweatshirt and jeans?
How many people are you gonna introduce |
| #24 mattzarella[120918] |
| cache-mtc-aa01.proxy.aol.com |
you didn't even let me proofread it =/
waiting for myself to be introduced so i can comment |
| #25 {DD}Fatboy[120921] |
| adsl-64-171-189-33.dsl.snfc21.pacbell.net |
| hey keanu, whatever happened to ur old series? You just left it hanging and ended it. |
| #26 vincible[120950] |
| 1Cust126.tnt16.sfo8.da.uu.net |
Somehow, your writing style just doesn't agree with me. Everyone else loves it and I don't. I just don't see anything especially interesting about the story. Your character is bland and unrealistic, and, worst of all, inconsistent. If this guy doesn't mind two-day old pizza why is he worried about towels?
Nothing in this made me think, "hey, I want to read more." Any two-bit author can write in a cliff-hanger. There's got to be something special there to make it a good story... and as far as I can see, there isn't. <shrug> |
| #27 Keanu_Reaver[120953] |
| max01-dynamic-64-65-141-43.sea.eschelon.com |
well i wasnt going for a bum type charactor...just a guy who likes to eat? :O think of the stereotype for a college guys dorm (very dirty, pizza boxes, etc. etc. etc.), its what i was going for only he lived in a shaby apartment (might also answer the $50 question...its not so much that he's broke -- which he is -- so much as he's too lazy to do any better for himself -- which was why i said $50 in the first place, to make it seem like he had the cash to begin with...just didnt know what to do with it?):O
as for peoples interest in my story...i guess the people that like my stories might be able to answer it better then i :/ i dont know really i never considered myself more then a mediocre author at best for being a high school student :O |
| #28 stardust8297[120958] |
| adsl-66-127-53-211.dsl.snfc21.pacbell.net |
vincible--i guess we're all entitled to our own opinions, but i very much disagree... i, for one, happen to like his writing style--he writes in such a way that you can relate to it--the character is trying to make a living and he's trying to remain humorous about it, not taking anything too seriously. as for calling the character bland, i think that’s kind of unfair considering that this part of the story was intended moreso to set everything up than to incorporate action and excitement. and about the pizza vs the towels... i've had two day old pizza--fridges are great for that--but if my towels were dirty i'd want to take them to the laundromat (what’s the point of taking a shower if you’re going to use a dirty towel to dry yourself..?) anyways, similarly to the way you didnt see anything particularly special in this story--i also didnt see anything particularly valid in your arguments.
anyways... i guess you're entitled to your opinion, and i'm entitled to mine. |
| #29 [120982] |
| St-Catherines-ppp112496.sympatico.ca |
| fight! FIGHT! |
| #30 vincible[120987] |
| 1Cust107.tnt17.sfo8.da.uu.net |
I saw that it was intended to be humorous. It just didn't make me laugh. Humor is an individual thing, and things that don't make me laugh aren't necessarily badly done. It just doesn't appeal to me. But anyway, imo a lot of the jokes were predictable. The "dream" sequence ("PERVERT WAKE UP") has been done hundreds of times in books.
Stardust. You say that it's unfair to call the character bland because this part is setup. But c'mon, if not to introduce character, what was the whole segment for? If Keanu just wanted to set up the plot he could have cut out... well, everything up to the last few paragraphs. |
| #31 vincible[120988] |
| 1Cust107.tnt17.sfo8.da.uu.net |
As for the $50 thing. If he has cash, and he works in a frickin' Walgreens, then even the laziest of people wouldn't be caught with nothing to eat since they could buy it at work. Even if Walgreens food didn't appeal (unlikely) Walgreens are always right next to other food stores. Besides he could always order delivery. Basically either he's too poor, or he's too lazy, and neither explanation works.
By the way, when I call the character bland, I mean the narrator himself. I'm not saying the plot is boring... at this point that would be totally unfair. I'm saying the main character is not someone I care about in any way yet, nor am I particularly interested in his problems or concerns. |
| #32 Keanu_Reaver[120992] |
| max01-dynamic-64-65-141-161.sea.eschelon.com |
| well as star said we are all entitled to our own opinion, but ill try and learn from it so my next stories will be better |
| #33 stardust8297[120994] |
| adsl-66-127-53-211.dsl.snfc21.pacbell.net |
| i apologize. i didn't intend to start anything. (though it seems otherwise, that wasn't my intent) |
| #34 ZerG~LinG[120999] |
| p418-008.ppp.get2net.dk |
Well bite me in the walrus!
Nice story with a few funny moments, no more than 7 tho, well maybe 8 cuz your gf helped you :]
**Need**
Gilrfriend with good grammer
Dagomar need not apply :O |
| #35 Keanu_Reaver[121003] |
| max01-dynamic-64-65-141-176.sea.eschelon.com |
| you're fine star :) i would have said that myself but it sounds cocky for an author to jump to his own defense like that |
| #36 mattzarella[121013] |
| spider-mtc-ta033.proxy.aol.com |
| cyman - don't try me, i only spent about 5 seconds proofreading it. i expected him to give me the full version later - besides that, it's a hard mistake to see =/ |
| #37 Decay[121029] |
| 206.10.109.59 |
Yeah, right mattz. You just missed it like Keanu and Heidi did. =P
BTW, I noticed it, so it can't be too hard to notice. =O
Anyway, gj keanu. I liked it, even tho its been done before. Please finish this one! =/
Kudos!
~Decay |
| #38 mattzarella[121045] |
| spider-mtc-ta044.proxy.aol.com |
| next time i'll just tell keanu not to make mistakes, thus making my proofreading job simple. |
| #39 vincible[121051] |
| 1Cust150.tnt17.sfo8.da.uu.net |
| Don't worry star, arguments are the best thing about battlereports.com. ;) |
| #40 vincible[121056] |
| 1Cust150.tnt17.sfo8.da.uu.net |
| heh, I probably just got myself the "evil nitpicking pointy-haired boss" role or something. Anyway, I'm going on a three week vacation soon so you'll be free of my comments for the next few parts. |
| #41 stardust8297[121075] |
| adsl-67-117-131-21.dsl.snfc21.pacbell.net |
| funny, i thought the best thing about battlereports.com was the writing. guess i'm just crazy then. |
| #42 vincible[121079] |
| 1Cust22.tnt17.sfo8.da.uu.net |
| Now you're just being silly. |
| #43 vincible[121080] |
| 1Cust22.tnt17.sfo8.da.uu.net |
| If it was not obvious... my last three comments were tongue-in-cheek. |
| #44 [121087] |
| St-Catherines-ppp112559.sympatico.ca |
Keanu, Heidi
I think I'll add random comments on here from time to time
spice things up a little
cheers. |
| #45 Keanu_Reaver[121094] |
| max01-dynamic-64-65-141-91.sea.eschelon.com |
| sounds good daggy :D |
| #46 DoctorEvol[121738] |
| h00045a63eb6a.ne.client2.attbi.com |
| This was a great piece of work. I enjoyed reading it and would like to read more of your stories. Please take a look at mine. It is called Creature of the Dark and posted under 7/19/02 with my name as doctorevol. |
| #47 wakiki[155496] |
| cable-68-117-183-96.mtv.al.charter.com |
| Luv!! |
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