| #1 Zeals~o~Valor[121857] |
| h24-86-186-55.ed.shawcable.net |
1st
|
| #2 Coolin[121859] |
| h24-86-146-23.ed.shawcable.net |
| What good is first on a double post? |
#3 [121862] |
| StCatherines-ppp109112.sympatico.ca |
I'm sorry but this wasn't good.
Now I may be biased to some degree against fanfics, but anything that begins with:
"Whump Whump whump the tanks had been firing steadily to keep the enemies marines from rushing us."
doesn't really deserve a high rating. I don't think you could have picked a worse word than "whump" ( cept maybe "ooh" ), and the whole sentence sounds awkward. The rest of the battlereport was much like that line, and bought heavily into cliche.
Not too bad for a first attempt, but I'm going to rate this low. Also, we don't exactly need yet another fanfic writer :( |
| #4 EldritchEvil[121873] |
| nr11-66-161-189-80.fuse.net |
What the hell. How did I manage to H-scroll it?
Sorry. I broke his comment section.
*runs of crying from the shame* |
| #5 LuckyNewbie:P[121879] |
| dialup-64.156.39.196.Dial1.Denver1.Level3.net |
| dont be sad dag |
| #6 Decay[121903] |
| 206.10.109.39 |
"Luckily they had not researched siege mode or else they would have changed into siege mode and gave us a pounding way out of range. But seeing as the did not have it they charged the tanks with all the other units."
Skimmed it, saw this, won't read. =P |
| #7 shitonastick[121908] |
| public104172.library.northwestern.edu |
| shit on a stick man shit on a stick |
| #8 Undefeated[127261] |
| ip-pa-jtown-24-159-011-068.charterpa.com |
| It's worse than my fan fic(s). I might not be a pro at writing, but that first sentence threw the whole story off. |