| #1 Kane[134857] |
| 12-233-180-134.client.attbi.com |
| First |
| #2 gopher[134858] |
| nc-mrsvll-u2-c4a-a-226.mrvlnc.adelphia.net |
| 2nd |
| #3 BiGRoOSter[134859] |
| pcp02705884pcs.dalect01.va.comcast.net |
| 3rd |
| #4 LameJoker[134860] |
| ip-209-23-0-197.modem.logical.net |
ummmm......
4th? |
| #5 Chris[134862] |
| astound-64-85-237-118.ca.astound.net |
5th
Fanfic = nothx |
| #6 endersshadow[134863] |
| ool-182d2de6.dyn.optonline.net |
hmmm only one not to say comment number...
nj Sig. |
| #7 Freque[134864] |
| sdn-ap-009caburbP0295.dialsprint.net |
| not bad. gj. |
| #8 THE FAG[134865] |
| pool-68-161-59-28.ny325.east.verizon.net |
| I didn't have the time to read it but, cool |
| #9 [134866] |
| px2ht.ok.shawcable.net |
| n00b o.O |
| #10 [134868] |
| mnet-baca244-13-199.monarch.net |
hmmm.
i definetley liked the first part, but this one was bleh...nothing happened, and the entire part basically consisted of descriptions of protoss stuff. the writing was very good, just not enough happened.
keep going though, this story had the potential to be really good, and the writing is excellent |
| #11 Nightwisp[134873] |
| cache-mtc-am07.proxy.aol.com |
| Nice writing there SiG. Looking forward to next installment. Keep it up. 7.6899 |
| #12 2Cautious[134878] |
| adsl-68-72-83-243.dsl.chcgil.ameritech.net |
| You need to write more! Nothing really happened! And you still have the "hidden" text, too... I can only make one comment (question) as nothing happened: how come Jason's wraith was the only one with long range communications? Doesn't that seem a little stupid of the command? And why didn't they equip the commander (Spike)'s wraith with the long range stuff? |
| #13 valek[134879] |
| ip68-106-65-18.lu.dl.cox.net |
| liked the hidden text...didnt read the story though |
| #14 O_o;;[134880] |
| adsl-67-39-7-214.dsl.dytnoh.ameritech.net |
While I didn't read it (i've seen so much fiction writing that i only have tollerance for three or for writers not so this could very well not suck t.t) I really only wanted to share the random quote that popped up when I clicked the report link
"DIE FANFICS"
- T_Mac |
| #15 -_-;;[134881] |
| adsl-67-39-7-214.dsl.dytnoh.ameritech.net |
| now, not "not" |
| #16 SiG.[134883] |
| adsl-34-80-240.mia.bellsouth.net |
#12: ouch. it is kind of stupid now that I think of it. But I'll just go with the fact that these are really old Wraiths =]
#13: rofl. |
| #17 k2o4[134885] |
| 12-253-6-239.client.attbi.com |
just copy/pasted into word to read it with large font. will have better comments soon. nice that you have started writing. curious to find out what your writing is like.
Peace
-kaoS |
| #18 TheKinslayer[134900] |
| 207.162.80.7 |
| damn another fanfic... |
| #19 SiG.[134903] |
| adsl-34-80-240.mia.bellsouth.net |
#18: Yeah! Another fanfic! God, your eyes must burn! I'm sorry that I had to put you through the tremendous pain and utter horror of clicking on my name, and then only seeing TEXT! and FANFIC TEXT AT THAT!
What a heathen I am.
Anyways ;) |
| #20 ZerG~LinG[134907] |
| p431-116.ppp.get2net.dk |
omg SiG posts.
Can't remember anything of part 1 :o |
| #21 k2o4[134927] |
| 12-253-6-239.client.attbi.com |
hey there. i started reading last night but only got about halfway through. it hit about 3am and i had to be up so i stopped, but i will finish it later today. here are the comments i put together last night before i went to bed:
7 pages in-- Good points: The descriptions are interesting and well chosen. Also, you’ve got some cool ideas and good imagination going on. Bad points: I don’t like the dialogue very much. It doesn’t seem to fit who’s speaking. They sound like kids playing at being pilots. Also, the story builds a bit strangely. I got the impression that he was a hotshot pilot, but then I got the impression that he was a complete newbie.
continued.. |
| #22 k2o4[134928] |
| 12-253-6-239.client.attbi.com |
Then the way the relationship with the guy who gave him the mission has gone just seems wrong. The way he gave the mission, and then the way he reverted to explaining the truth didn’t work for me. I mean, why would he send the guy on recon but not tell him what he was reconning? And having him choose his own squad doesn’t make much sense to me. Plus, being chosen like that and chosen to pick his own squad makes him sound like a hot shot, but then the top dogs like Margaret haven’t even met him yet. That was confusing me and seemed contradictory.
continued.. |
| #23 k2o4[134929] |
| 12-253-6-239.client.attbi.com |
Also, small things like saying that they had half an hour to wait for food and then you gave us a tiny bit of dialogue which I couldn’t see lasting more than 15 minutes, and then the food is open. And one thing that bugged me was what seemed like a huge Point of view change when you told us what john thought about the dirty starport. If you’re doing a first person story it doesn’t fit to jump into johns head third person without doing some sort of chapter switch.
That’s all I got for now. I’m not tryin to be mean at all, just trying to be helpful. Overall I think this is decent but needs work. The main thing you have going for you is your eye for details and your creativity. Also your ability to really pump out a lot of writing. That’s always a plus. But that’s all just my opinion, so who knows.
Peace
|
| #24 SiG.[134932] |
| adsl-34-80-240.mia.bellsouth.net |
great advice yo, ill fix all of that and make sure not to mess up like that in any more writing.
thx |
| #25 striz[134941] |
| 24.102.187.224 |
awwwwww sig its great to know we matter to you =D
I liked it, though the dialogue seemed a little young. I like the concept, but didn't know what you thought were the 'submarine-like things' care to enlighten?
gj. 7.
striz |
| #26 SiG.[134942] |
| adsl-34-80-240.mia.bellsouth.net |
| robotics facilities=submarines |
| #27 Decay[134945] |
| 206.10.109.55 |
I've taken to just lurking the reports section and not leaving comments, but your pleading at the end made me feel bad.
=/ so here...
GW PART 3 GOGOGOGOGO |
| #28 ChaosDemigod[134961] |
| 62.113.158.67 |
HAHA!
Times of darkness,... with white background
|
| #29 DarkRider[134966] |
| 198.134.2.2 |
| Will be looking for part 3. |
| #30 scn[135026] |
| c-24-118-250-248.mn.client2.attbi.com |
| i thought it was superb |
| #31 SupeRc0pKr[135143] |
| cache-ra01.proxy.aol.com |
to k2o4 and SiG.:
part of reading fiction of any sort requires a "suspension of disbelief." some parts of the story might not quite ring well with reality, but then part of the purpose of fiction is to portray an alternate reality. SiG.'s military procedure and sense of time might seem flawed, but then he is the author of his world, and that makes his word God. don't nitpick at minor points in his writing, he writes his own world.
i do agree with those first points, though. good creativity, but dialogue seems a tad off, not very natural.
as to amount of text, i don't think it's length that matters as much as impact. two pages of real, solid progression is better than ten pages of pointless description and still-plot. |
| #32 core[136329] |
| wv-hunt-u1-c5c-57.hntnwv.adelphia.net |
more content per post plz. maybe throw in some hot med sex...j/k.
keep up the good work |
| #33 Airplane_steel[136676] |
| dialup-209.244.180.18.Dial1.NewYork2.Level3.net |
| sex. |
| #34 castle[139088] |
| 66.190.219.134 |
| where can i get a proxy for outwar? |
| #35 Saya Peanut 0_o[140918] |
| usr6927-kno.cableinet.co.uk |
| Wot do u do if ur pc won't let you on outwar coz theres 2 many connections!!! |
Home
Forum
Starcraft Tournaments
