| #1 WarLeaderJustin[142796] |
| adsl-64-166-108-206.dsl.lsan03.pacbell.net |
| Wow, I pulled a newbie mistake... I placed this in StarCraft, and not Other. Oh well. Enjoy. |
| #2 kidonfire[142798] |
| 203.121.0.13 |
FIRST FIRST FIRST OMG OMG >.<
And on WLJ's report once in a long time weee better press post before someone gets it >.< |
| #3 moo[142799] |
| 24-205-76-77.pas-eres.charterpipeline.net |
| dood this is life...it sux like shit, u hit it rite on, u r l337 |
| #4 corpus[142800] |
| 12-215-105-43.client.mchsi.com |
| Overall i liked it, but somtimes it seemed like you were trying to reach a word mininum. Good read though. |
| #5 Man_of_Socks[142802] |
| wh123-00-00-b4-5f-3d-1f.northwestel.net |
| It was alright but at the end of the read I'd really felt like you'd just stolen 10 minutes of my day. I dont want sound like ass but thats really what it felt like. At the end it seemed like you got sick of typing and just decided to do a rushed conclusion. So what I'm really tring to say is that the story was alright but the end was dispointing. O and nobody died, always need a little violence to satisfy the masses. |
| #6 mist[142803] |
| AC81DF03.ipt.aol.com |
good read
|
| #7 Slotham[142804] |
| euryale.its.adfa.edu.au |
Crack open a coldie.....I have a cold shower before footy matches because it seems to make everything clearer and my mind can focus more on the game.
Nice quick read. |
| #8 Smeagol[142805] |
| 108.a.002.hob.iprimus.net.au |
hey slotham u an aussie?
i live in tassie btw and i love to watch and play footy
theres a game on right now actully.. should be watching
nice report WLJ maybe u should become a writer as all of ur fan fics have been really good quality and ur writing style is pretty good
gj |
| #9 Slotham[142806] |
| euryale.its.adfa.edu.au |
| Yes Smeagol, I am an Aussie. I used to live 2 hours north of Melbourne but now I'm in Canberra and it's cold. I'm not watching the game tonight because I have an exam tomorrow. Exams, on a Saturday! Life is cruel. |
| #10 endersshadow[142807] |
| ool-182d2de6.dyn.optonline.net |
"How there are so many other boys, and I’m only 16, so I shouldn’t be attaching myself to only one."
Excellent advice -_- |
| #11 Smeagol[142808] |
| 108.a.002.hob.iprimus.net.au |
lol i know how u feel mine starts in 4 weeks
which team d u go for? i go for the saints! i prefer playing thou
btw when do us aussies get the TF i heard as late as the 3rd.. |
| #12 mick[142809] |
| 1Cust68.tnt14.bne1.da.uu.net |
| 12 |
| #13 the-nut[142810] |
| ool-182e1a3b.dyn.optonline.net |
| 13 |
| #14 Slotham[142811] |
| euryale.its.adfa.edu.au |
I don't know when we're getting TF. I'm not going to buy it though, I would only be able to play single player and a couple of LAN games. When one of my friends buys TF I will borrow it from him and play it then.
I go for Essendon and no I haven't jumped on the bandwagon. We're not going well at the moment but we're on the end of a good run. Last 3-4 years have been great. I also like the Saints, they're probably my second side although I hardly follow them.
Oh, btw, I've started my second report. Probably won't get it completed until after my holidays, so there will be a three week wait at least. |
| #15 mick[142812] |
| 1Cust68.tnt14.bne1.da.uu.net |
| Even tho I don't follow AFL because it's shit, Brisbane is the way to go. 2 Premierships in a row and they're the only team in QLD >_< |
| #16 Smeagol[142813] |
| 180.b.002.hob.iprimus.net.au |
fucking brisbane win all the time :p
still there in a bit of a slump at the momment
i bet u like rugby then
so suck shit cause QLD got owned by NSW 27-4!
|
| #17 Smeagol[142814] |
| 180.b.002.hob.iprimus.net.au |
gl with ur report then and ur exams!
i like Essendon too Lyold is the bets goalkicker in the last 10 yrs
btw they just beat Geelong by 40ish points |
| #18 mick[142815] |
| 1Cust68.tnt14.bne1.da.uu.net |
| origin 3 will be money for QLD |
| #19 WarLeaderJustin[142816] |
| adsl-64-171-79-33.dsl.lsan03.pacbell.net |
I felt it was long enough. What's worse; a story being too short, or a story with "fat" added to it that serves no purpose other than to lengthen it?
And besides, I just read Catcher in the Rye, so I felt like doing a teenager thingie. :-D |
| #20 Minatour[142817] |
| kenn-dial-1-186.amerion.net |
ROAR umm good report you should add some pictures to what your talking about....okay
20 |
| #21 Pr0be[142825] |
| dpc6682009029.direcpc.com |
Minatour, wtf? It's a fic thingy. Go out and take pictures of people that don't exist?
Meh, it's BR.Com for a reason. |
| #22 [142826] |
| ip68-13-19-120.om.om.cox.net |
| its an alright story.... but this should be put into other, not under SC |
| #23 LuckyNewbie:P[142827] |
| dialup-64.156.33.203.Dial1.Denver1.Level3.net |
| This belongs in the forum |
| #24 WarLeaderJustin[142832] |
| adsl-64-171-79-33.dsl.lsan03.pacbell.net |
| Ouch, that kinda stung. |
| #25 I_am_Nitros[142835] |
| h64-141-27-37.sunwave.net |
| I think warcraft > reading this, bye now. |
| #26 Convider[142836] |
| Toronto-HSE-ppp3662534.sympatico.ca |
true, usually fanfics are posted in the forums. otherwise a good read.
~6-7 |
#27  [142837] |
| p416-002.ppp.get2net.dk |
26: No, usually fanfics are not :/ As far as I know, only that k2oh or whatever posted his below average crap there :/
Nice story, life sucks. |
| #28 Octavian82[142840] |
| roam71-166.student.harvard.edu |
Didn't someone else write a teen angst story about six months ago that sounded somewhat similar, only much longer with more references to drugs and sex?
An excellent start, a good narrative arc. Much better prose than average.
However, great stories develop a character, illustrate a change or create/resolve a conflict. Your protagonist was essentially unchanged and your conflict (the internal debate about suicide) was too short and peremptory. I felt we were just starting to get into your character's head and then the psychological conflict was resolved much too quickly.
My two cents |
| #29 Sarlof[142841] |
| 168.143.123.85 |
| This isn'ta br. |
| #30 Slotham[142842] |
| euryale.its.adfa.edu.au |
| Yes, there was another depressing teenage story about 6 months ago that involved a friend dying and the writer degrading into a gothic. |
| #31 Marko[142843] |
| CPE0003472eb00b-CM014390134337.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com |
| This is a good story.....umm where is the battle LOL......I wonder what its gonna get...... |
| #32 Berra[142844] |
| h40n1fls32o814.telia.com |
| I don't get it... who won!? ;) |
| #33 BlueRibbon[142845] |
| bgm-24-169-57-45.stny.rr.com |
I think just about everyone beat me to the punch but, just for the hell of it, life sucks.
Get a picture of her next time. :]
If she is so hot, I wish I was her Colin :O, because my name is Colin and all... Once again life sucks.... |
| #34 Chris[142848] |
| astound-64-85-237-118.ca.astound.net |
What is this, Oprah?
Delete. |
| #35 AbGen[142849] |
| spider-tj023.proxy.aol.com |
I find the Oprah comment very amusing.
And life in itself doesnt suck. People make it suck. It's hard and all, but I wouldn't consider it as being "sucky". Videogames can suck. Videogames like E.T. suck. |
| #36 GeneralPatton[142852] |
| cache-da01.proxy.aol.com |
Nice story. A good distraction in the wee hours of the morning.
I remember someone posting a thing like this a few months ago. He was some kleptomaniac who did drugs, hated the world, went to therapy, bitched about his life, almost got someone pregnant, made lots of detail about sex that was not needed, and generally made me feel that is was an "I'm an angsty teen, look at how much I messed up my life" kinda thing.
ANYWAY, good story-fanfic thingy. Or as most people who read this site would say...
"OMGZ U ARE A FAGG FOR NO7 SEX0RING HERRZ!!1"
Ya. I'll shut up now.
8 |
| #37 Redemption6[142857] |
| HU3.Kiewit.dartmouth.edu |
| Nicely done, I liked the quality of the writing. Maybe a 7, probably a 6. |
| #38 scn[142867] |
| c-66-41-23-105.mn.client2.attbi.com |
| 12 |
| #39 livingexception[142872] |
| pcp03797940pcs.wilmsc01.tn.comcast.net |
| Indeed, it seems that we have some phantoms that pop up for a time from the past and fade back out again. |
| #40 Redemption6[142873] |
| HU3.Kiewit.dartmouth.edu |
I'd just like to point out that while the original intention of br.com was to have "game" battlereports, one can notice that the site has evolved into something that adapts to all types of stories. Now if you don't like this, you don't have to point out that it's not a br. If the admin believes it isn't, he'll delete it, if he does, then he'll keep it. It's not like you guys are here to decide what stays on this site.
Appreciate that it's not another piece of stupid spam. |
| #41 .[142874] |
| seltek12.lnk.telstra.net |
| is sex allowed as fanfiction (u know, cos of younger readers)? |
| #42 GeneralPatton[142878] |
| spider-to011.proxy.aol.com |
| Personally, I think it depends on the situation. If you're insinuating that something is happening, or will happen, but don't actually go into WHAT, then it's acceptable. If, however you describe every little detail, like that one guy did a few months back, then no. |
| #43 3-Slam[142880] |
| cpe-24-31-32-73.socal.rr.com |
| being a teenager sucks. i hear ya. |
| #44 GeneralPatton[142881] |
| spider-tq031.proxy.aol.com |
| Amen, reverend. |
| #45 DredNicolson[142892] |
| 164.58.124.59 |
From the second I read he was going to send his reply before even reading the original missive, I saw that ironic let-down a mile away. And the conclusion did seem a bit rushed.
Your prose is above-average.
Your humor is above-average. (You provided a general atmosphere of constant humor, instead of a handful of LOL-level jokes inserted into long gaps of monotony.)
Your suspense building needs a little work, as mentioned above.
And your effort is, as always, of heroic proportions. |
| #46 Gailen[142897] |
| 24-117-154-163.cpe.cableone.net |
| Fucking women. I hear that shit. |
| #47 Private_Mendoza[142907] |
| cache-da01.proxy.aol.com |
| Good story I thought. Short enough to not be too long. 8 |
| #48 MistaSparkle[142908] |
| adsl-67-113-196-234.dsl.lsan03.pacbell.net |
| Nice shit man. Make it a little longer though with a plot turn or something because I kind of expected to read on. Other than that good shit. |
| #49 kidonfire[142909] |
| 219.95.58.86 |
| I'm here to take the 50th post :P |
| #50 Alacrity[142910] |
| cache-ntc-aa01.proxy.aol.com |
Sweet. Very good short story, I would have rated it a 9 o rmaybe 8 because i guess it was short, not that that should matter.
Anyways i liek these short stories of yours better than anything else on the site, keep em coming. |
| #51 MistaSparkle[142918] |
| adsl-66-125-214-101.dsl.lsan03.pacbell.net |
| Dude your pics fucking rocked. But you should have used seige tanks on her ass. Mount and ride, i say, mount and ride. |
| #52 [142933] |
| ip68-13-30-12.om.om.cox.net |
| what a moron this kid is, I would make the e-mail, then read her e-mail and edit mine if needed, then send it. |
| #53 Khorne[142986] |
| 20-230-173-209.dialup.infinetivity.com |
| Best. Battle. Report. Ever. |
| #54 el_sux0r[142992] |
| 0-1pool136-128.nas60.philadelphia1.pa.us.da.qwest.net |
Too much angst, not enough bitter irony.
Not bad, though. Vaguely reminiscent of As I Lay Dying. |
| #55 WarLeaderJustin[143001] |
| adsl-64-166-110-136.dsl.lsan03.pacbell.net |
| Wow. Faulkner? I was thinking more J.D. Salinger, but I guess being "vaguely reminiscent" of a cannon writer is an honor. |
| #56 *Matt*[143627] |
| 208.181.176.225.lgisp.net |
Good story, hoping to read another one. You should get a lock on your door =].
Matt |
| #57 (...Blaze...)[143691] |
| proxy.edb.com.34.110.153.in-addr.arpa |
Good read, first br.com thingy I've read in a while now. The letdown was a bit obvious - damn you hollywood!(sp?). Hot girls never seem to realize that guys are friends with them for a reason :o
- Blaze |
| #58 Gangsta Intellect[144223] |
| host-64-65-193-35.spr.choiceone.net |
| WUT THE FUCK????????????????????????????????????? I WANT STARCRAFT DAMMIT. ND U SHOULD HAVE STOLEN THE CHICK MAN. U AIN"T GOT NO PIMP FLUID |
| #59 [146492] |
| c-65-97-24-49.va.client2.attbi.com |
| You obviously are a dumbass because he describes how most of the teenage population's life goes at one point or another |
| #60 kalatix_dragon[149218] |
| 216.97.146.125 |
i have no pimp fluid
|
| #61 barbra jane wimberly[149219] |
| 216.97.146.125 |
| this site is an abomination! |
| #62 batman524r[149220] |
| 216.97.146.125 |
| abominate this beeyotch! |
| #63 thugFOliiiiife[149221] |
| 216.97.146.125 |
| FO REAL YO!!!!!! |
| #64 batman524r[149222] |
| 216.97.146.125 |
im the shiznit! you know it!
wher you up in brotha? |
| #65 thugFOliiiiife[149223] |
| 216.97.146.125 |
| im chus chillin up in brookline with my homi (homo) |
| #66 batman524r[149224] |
| 216.97.146.125 |
| i hea i hea!y7o hang aty phat joby? |
| #67 thugFOliiiiife[149225] |
| 216.97.146.125 |
| me an my "homi" |
Home
Forum
Starcraft Tournaments
