| #1 hidden[144958] |
| 126.171-201-80.adsl.skynet.be |
Ive wandered here long enough... and i thought i would submit something here.
Im thinking of starting a book, but first i wanted to test my skills, a story popped into my head... and so i made a warcraft fanfiction.
ive really but work and time into this story, i hope you like it... and even if u find it discusting it, i shall finish what i start... i cant get the story out of my head...
sorry if there are any anoying spelling mistakes in the story... english is not my first language...
Hope you will all "enjoy" it (it is my goal to make a very gloomy story... just to test if i can really create emotion into my tekst)
thank you |
| #2 Convider[144960] |
| Toronto-HSE-ppp3660487.sympatico.ca |
| oh joy onest non author |
| #3 hidden[144962] |
| 126.171-201-80.adsl.skynet.be |
| what the hell does that mean? |
| #4 EldritchEvil[144963] |
| nr11-216-196-189-166.fuse.net |
| Skimmed it because I'm too hungry to read anything, let alone a story. One thing I noticed: when you're trying to convey someone shouting, or speaking loudly, ect. don't use CAPITAL LETTERS. Use italics or an exclimation point (just one or so). Otherwise, it looks slightly unprofessional. |
| #5 Slotham[144964] |
| euryale.its.adfa.edu.au |
| He means 1st non-author. In other words, he's a moron. |
| #6 EldritchEvil[144965] |
| nr11-216-196-189-166.fuse.net |
| Actually, I read it. Work on your spelling and grammar. Your ideas are good, and your writing style (although unpolished) is good as well. Keep writing. Also, quick anatomical note: the major blood-carrying vessels in your neck are veins, not arteries. |
| #7 BlueRiBBon[144966] |
| 65.167.44.25 |
Eld is right. It was ok. The only mistakes I found were a few mistakes like hart, instead of heart, and you never capitalized your I's. This would have been a much better story if you tried to steer clear of the Warcraft 3 relationship, originallity is something great.
Keep writing though, it wasn't bad. |
| #8 hidden[144967] |
| 126.171-201-80.adsl.skynet.be |
that is what i said in the prologue... i am just trying something...
and if you dont think its original im rather puzzled...
I'm using some facts from the warcraft world. Im just telling a story of a victim...
and besides... its only the first to chapters.
I wont keep writing inside warcraft... im just trying to make a story in english and hoping that it is good enough to write a book in... |
| #9 hidden[144968] |
| 126.171-201-80.adsl.skynet.be |
no im not spamming my own comments, i just forgot to say something.
I used caps in pure desperation... i really wanted to make the tekst "jump out" it had to feel like someone was really shouting at the top of his lungs...
the normal "!!!!!" was not good enough... i know it looks ugly but it was the only sollution to make it like i wanted it to be |
| #10 Mr.Puddles[144969] |
| 216.49.243-DSL-187.ckt.net |
| Less fanfics more action ;]. |
| #11 Pr0be[144970] |
| dpc6682009014.direcpc.com |
Decent for someone that doesn't have English for a first language.
I like it, but I agree, WarCraft doesn't make for very good fics.
Also, why are the people so boring and retarded? |
| #12 blitzkreig_[144972] |
| 12-207-199-177.client.attbi.com |
| i was kindof hoping it was memories of *decay_* |
| #13 IcE-Inforcer[144973] |
| Toronto-HSE-ppp3905469.sympatico.ca |
English isn't my 1st language either, and I used to make similar spelling mistakes. The mispelled words (ex. hart, you're instead of your, tekst instead of text) didn't really bug me. What you should try fixing in my opinion is the length of some sentences, try and take out some words.
"We just didn't care about it and who said that what he was saying was the truth?"
Should have been something like this:
"We didn't care about it. Who said he spoke the truth?"
If you're serious about starting a book, youb should read alot to polish your english. Good luck.
-IcE- |
| #14 BlueRiBBon[144975] |
| 65.167.44.25 |
| Ice, its sad when your first language isn't english, and you at least type it better then 85% of the people of which it is their first. ;} |
| #15 Smeagol[144976] |
| 009.a.003.hob.iprimus.net.au |
lmao
#14 that was a classic comment
but sigh* so true
btw have any of u guys played Battle Realms? ive got it and its sick, kinda of like warcraft 3 but with a japanese samurai setting (very cool :p), and a system were u generate peasants from a hut and the more u have the slower it generates them
then u train the peasants in a melee fighting hut, archery range or an alchemist hut and u can train them in all of them to make a super unit :p very cool game u should buy it
came out early 2002
the developer is now making a new game based on LOTR but as a rts
very cool |
| #16 rigbieys[144977] |
| bbcache-15.singnet.com.sg |
I don't think battlereports.com is for writing fan fic.
-rigbieys |
| #17 [144979] |
| c-4fd972d5.016-123-73746f44.cust.bredbandsbolaget.se |
| You Suck |
| #18 Spwn[144980] |
| ool-18b97be8.dyn.optonline.net |
I liked it, not that bad, but just as everyone else said just read more to widen your vocab and fix up your spelling
-minijoebob |
| #19 hidden[144982] |
| 227.15-200-80.adsl.skynet.be |
thanks for all the positive comments, now i know what to watch out for. I'll try to keep these things in mind when i write the sequals.
and special thanks to #17
his comment really let me see things in a different light.
I shall worship his comment for a long time... -_- |
| #20 rigbieys[144983] |
| bbcache-11.singnet.com.sg |
Why don't you write your draft on something like MS Word before pasting it up here? It's a good way of editing your spelling and punctuation.
-rigbieys |
| #21 celix[144990] |
| px1wh.vc.shawcable.net |
| try writing on the bnet fan fic board as well if you want other ppl to critique ;o |
| #22 casper...[144997] |
| CPE0010b50f508e-CM00e06f16610c.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com |
those grammatical errors really set your writing apart.
10. |
| #23 mattzarella[144999] |
| 156.115.26.24.cfl.rr.com |
ok here's what you do:
find some bitch to proofread it for you, i'm sure epoch or somebody around here will do it :]
this entire work in general would have been better without so many god-forsaken grammar mistakes.. honestly you seem intelligent enough not to make them, so what's the deal?
your style of writing is really nice, just keep in mind that most of the visitors on the site are retarded and don't enjoy fanfics.. don't let it get you down, man, you've got something going ;]
and next time you might want to add a black bg with white text, try to get away from the boring white-on-black.
oh and, sequels* |
| #24 Sabotage[145000] |
| user-2ive6ed.dialup.mindspring.com |
the site is dieing more and more. The news wasn't updated for... how long now, a month? :o we need more reporters. instead of wasting you time with fanfics, (this was ok actually im not flaming) we could use some real reports.
it appears that triped has finally quit flaming. now lets work on the others. dammit, its been so many times that i said this. |
| #25 Chris[145070] |
| astound-64-85-237-118.ca.astound.net |
The news rarely gets updated. They don't update unless its something important.
matzerella, he explained the deal in previous comments. |
#26  [145076] |
| Toronto-ppp272653.sympatico.ca |
| Despite the multiple writing errors you have some good ideas. Good ideas are far more important than any grammatic error stemming from English being your second language. What Mattz said . . . 6. |
| #27 el_sux0r[145188] |
| 0-1pool244-91.nas1.vienna1.va.us.da.qwest.net |
"The paladin might have been old, his sence of hearing was unscathed."
"I wanted to make the tekst jump out."
While creativity is good, people here generally do not appreciate creative spelling of the sort found in the Middle Ages :) |
| #28 el_sux0r[145189] |
| 0-1pool244-91.nas1.vienna1.va.us.da.qwest.net |
That being said, if you have access to a spell checker, it might help.
Keep writing! |
| #29 Jesus[145263] |
| edtn007302.hs.telusplanet.net |
| put some pictures into your report, they make them much more ejoyable |
| #30 Decay[146173] |
| 66.44.173.16 |
The writing was done really well for someone who does not speak english for a primary language, but there are still just a few annoying kinks in it. Get them worked out, and you should be able to write a great story. (I actually clicked on this because my name was in it. :0 ) Hi blitz and mattz and everyone I know. :)
~Decay |
| #31 Lizz[147053] |
| 204.245.191.119 |
| Agree with #16. However, it was a pretty good start to a career, even if it was misplaced. |
| #32 Greth[166224] |
| 134.143-244-81.adsl-dyn.isp.belgacom.be |
Ah, the memories ...
This actually made it into it's own universe now. I should really finish it... |
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