| #1 Razoriel[157912] |
| CPE-141-168-21-154.nsw.bigpond.net.au |
| 1ST! |
| #2 Crazster[157915] |
| n218103207235.netvigator.com |
| 2nd |
| #3 Sandtrap[157916] |
| dhcp-128-194-24-79.resnet.tamu.edu |
Wtf no pics? *cries*
Um...3rd. |
| #4 RabidMurloc[157920] |
| cache-mtc-aa01.proxy.aol.com |
| Oy, pic-ers... Excellent, Berzerker. I look forward to seeing how the Terrans stop those ultras... |
| #5 BeRzErKeR[157921] |
| 216.49.74.174 |
| thx murloc. And btw, I couldn't find any appropriate concept art, so no pics. |
| #6 Chris[157927] |
| astound-64-85-254-102.ca.astound.net |
| Its stupid to ask for pictures in a fanfic. Thanks. |
| #7 BeRzErKeR[157944] |
| 216.49.74.174 |
| Ch. 4 will be out . . . sometime soon. This week, most likely. |
#8  [157952] |
| d141-165-127.home.cgocable.net |
| your 1 fan will be thrilled |
| #9 [157953] |
| d141-165-127.home.cgocable.net |
| btw your writing is surprisingly good. Somewhat overdramatic and still too many adjectives, but this actually kept me reading. 7. |
| #10 BeRzErKeR[157954] |
| 216.49.74.174 |
| thx Dag. The whole overdramatic thing is me trying not to be UNDERdramatic. I've read too many stories with no description. |
| #11 Charbroil[157974] |
| UMSLDIAL-163.umsl.edu |
Btw, how come your lifetime average is still 3.8 and your report under "last 10 reports" is still unrated?
|
| #12 Red6[157981] |
| 65-78-30-165.c3-0.lex-ubr3.sbo-lex.ma.cable.rcn.com |
way too overdramatic. i haven't been to this site in a long time and back when I was here I do remember that a fanfiction like this, albeit decent, would not have gotten a gold. you have a few problems with this fanfic that just glared
1) overdramatic - that was already stated. there are more things to describe a battle other than, X looked in horror or X felt extreme shock or something like that
2) length - your fanfiction is just too short. this makes the overdramatic stuff stand out when you don't have anything else to contrast it with
3) perspectives - you switch between I and the cerebrate twice or three times and sometimes you switch to the perspective of a soldier like Radcliffe. When you start a story in I it has to be I throughout the story, it's just the way English works.
4) plain - your story doesn't stand out compared to the hundreds of stories I've read that detail the exact same thing. the funny thing is in every one of these stories theres always a group of marines getting slaughtered and them some big unit like a tank of cruiser cleaning up what's left. it's almost always terran v.s. zerg. frankly, these stories are just getting boring - you're helped by the fact that no one's made one of these in a bit, but if you want an original fanfic look at Kane's stuff, I think he had a series a long time ago that was good.
and you state in your story that a ground force won't work yet he breeds ultralisks at the end (which if I remember correctly are ground units)
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| #13 BeRzErKeR[157984] |
| 216.49.74.174 |
I'll take your points in order.
Yes, overdramatic has been stated. Too many times. I'M WORKING ON IT, OK?! I think emotions are a big part of a story, and I'm trying to write a story I would like to read.
The length thing is because I write slowly, and if I wrote for any longer it would be torture. I write because it's fun, and it wouldn't be if I had to spend more time on it.
I've read some stories where perspective-switching was used very well, and I'm trying to get that kind of effect. Besides, I think a Cerebrate ought to be referred to in the third person to emphasize it's Zerg-ness and lack of real individuality.
I'm sorry you don't think my story stands out. I never meant it to stand out- good is all I want.
The ultralisk thing is for two reasons. First, the tanks have been momentarily driven back, and the Cerebrate can take time to spawn enough to really lay the smack down. Second, ultras are cool and give me a dramatic battle scene. |
| #14 BeRzErKeR[157985] |
| 216.49.74.174 |
| Char, my average is still 3.8 because I've gotten a 3, a 2, a 5, and now a 7. Not enough to raise it much. |
| #15 Reziel[158255] |
| c-67-167-79-14.hsd1.il.comcast.net |
Cool fanfic.
It takes the monotonous and predictable events of a tvz game and makes it seem like its some sort of (yes, exaggerated) actual event instead of little pixels sparring over virtual shiny objects.
Although yeah, I would have thought "The Cerebrate" would make a huge load of guardians and devourers or something. I know that the last time I sent a dozen ultras against a battalion of siege tanks, only about 7 ultras even made it to do damage. And the tradeoff (costwise) isnt worth it. but Oh well. It's still a cool scene ^_^. |
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