Now I tend to do some ... off-kilter things when I play ladder, and today didn't seem like much of an exception. I selected zerg while my opponent went random, giving me a 1 in 3 shot of catching chaser4 as zerg and earning more practice with that "offensive sunken" strat.

I recieved the 12 o'clock position, and scouting revealed a protoss encampment at 6. I noticed dual gateways being built, and I snuck my drone away to an out-of-the-way part of his base for later scouting exploitation.

Noticing that the gates weren't finished quite yet, I spawned up some zerglings and sent the little noochers (nooch!) on down to see what they could do. I didn't pull it off quite fast enough, however, as there were 2 zealots waiting to greet me at the ramp ("Hi, I'm a zealot and NO these are NOT lightsabres").

I thought to myself, "self, there's 2 zealots on that ramp, and all I have are six zerglings to counter them. What do I do?" Remeber that drone that was in the off corner of the map? You guessed it, it's the old Offensive Hatchery trick.

For some reason those zealots never did manage to find out where my drone went after that first scouting trip to their base. In the time that the hatchery was taking to spawn, many thoughts went through my head ...

"This is not going to work."

"This really is not going to work."

"If you're trying to pull of a strat like this then that Pez you bought from the grocery store obviously wasn't Pez."

Although doubt was rampant, the hatchery finished. Larva morphed into drones, drones morphed into creep colonies, creeps morphed into sunkens and before you could say "wtf? This wouldn't work in a million billion trillion years" the GGs were exchanged and my opponent left. In the end, offensive hatcheries rule if you fight someone that can't scout to save his own ass.

LESSONS LEARNED:

- People need to talk more in game. At least I need to ... the most that was said was "gg" ... erg, nobody's social against someone called LimeyBiotch. - Check your base for disseappearing peons ... remember, you start with a lot of high ground to cover.

- 6 zerglings < 2 zealots unless assisted by sunkens.

- This was my first battle report and boy was it cheezy.