"I have a hangover that would kill a small horse right now"
-Flint79
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| READ THIS, YA FREAKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) | | | Author: | | | IP: | SNFCA020XXXX | | Date: | 04/03/00 10:04 | | Game Type: | Starcraft | | Labels: | none | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 2, Max: 3, Min: 2
Lifetime Rating for iLost_=[_-{AS}-: 2.5000 |   | Be warned…this BR is text-based, cuz I couldn’t program HTML for beans if my life depended on it…and yes, my life DOES depends on beans.
Note: I actually played this game first-hand =D so…I might have left out some detail.
The game started with me being bored in channel Alpha 9 (you’ll find a good game there…sue me for advertising) and wanting to catch up to my friend’s ladder (I won’t name him…but I got him at least half of his 1180). So…I joined a ladder on Lost Temple created by star4207;coco or some name like that. His rating was…1016…or some number like that…and I was 1050…or some other number like that…I think.
Anyways, the risk of picking Terran and getting absolutely spanked (though I do like a spankin’ ;-] ) on LT (cuz I can’t use them 1on1 on that gayass-ramp map except against Zerg) was too horrifying, so I chose Zerg at the last second...and he chose Terran at the last second (gasp…) I must say that I have had a surprising winning streak of Zerg vs. Terran and my previous game was spent whooping another Terran with Zerg, so I expected this match to be easy.
I got 3:00, he got 6:00. After a few minutes of messing with his mind and spamming about how he was gonna win (English didn’t seem to be his first language), I got an olord on 9th, extractor and extra drone, more drones, hatch on…13 or 14 at my natural, another hatch at like 15 above my ramp, a pool, a drone, and an olord, I was psyched to kill him. I found him early with my extractor drone and sexually harassed all of star’s SCVs…but, like the bad boys they are, they gang-raped my drone.
Like the SCV’s, star’s marines were also bullies (they remind me of my brother) and they rushed me and hammered on my unfinished, ramp hatch while an SCV built an offensive bunker. He tried to build another bunker by my minerals…far from his original bunker (risky), and my newly hatched lings decimated his marines and bunkers faster than Jason Biggs can get orgasm.
I proceeded to harass his main base with a fairly large amount of lings, but lings, as small and puny as they are, could hardly squirm past his wall-in, so I backed them down at the end of his ramp. After my lings were planted to look mean and ugly and my olord was resting above his cliff to warn me of an early attack, I loaded up on drones at both exp and a hydra den and was upgrading my main hatch to a hive. I was nearly finished with a sunken near my ramp, a sunken by my exp extractor, and the lurker and overlord transport upgrade when he attacked me.
His force consisted of about 10 marines and 3 medics, and me…well, I had a FORMIDABLE army of 3 hydras done :). Suicide isn’t my favorite way to win a ladder game, so I began morphing my hydras into lurkers while I let him swiftly kill my expansion sunken. Then he went out of range of my ramp sunken, obliterating my poor, abused drones.
The lurkers were finished before my hatchery had a period and burst into blood, so I burrowed them and killed the M & M forces. Then I rebuilt my sunkens and drones, took the recovering time to build a hatchery at 12:00 main, and tried a cheesy, slow olord, lurk drop on the Terran from the gully.
Apparently, his welcoming party of M & M proved to be hostile, so I quickly unloaded my lurks back onto flat ground (and my other lurker, the one between my legs). I reloaded the lurks back at my main into speed-upgraded olords and set 2 of them on his cliff because I thought he would have expanded by now. I proved to be stupid just like many other times because star’s natural was bare as were the islands and 9:00. However, I burrowed the lurkers on the cliff anyways, hoping to stick my horny cock through some unsuspecting SCV’s.
Both my expansions were running now, so I added 3 more hatches, one at 12:00 and two in my main, and 2 evolution chambers. A continuous stream of hydras were flowing from 6 hatches. For safety, my third lurker was deposited on my own cliff...at the very left point.
And that’s when I saw IT…the bunkers and turrets outside my base surrounded by at least 4 tanks and 24 infantry. I burrowed 3 lurks at the southwestern point of my main to flank some of his stray units.
The sound of erecting, artificial penises filled the air. It was the sound of sieging tanks. More Terran men came, and suddenly they charged. Fiendish science vessels allowed my lurks to be decimated and irradiated, and every lurker went down fucking. Hydras poured down from my ramp like girls seeing the Backstreet Boys. Countless hydras were lost, but the hydras kept coming. When it was all over, maybe 15 or so hydras were left (don’t worry…no micro was needed or involved in this battle). I took the breathing time to expand to bottom right island and 12:00 natural.
Star was getting desperate; his SCV’s were mining from his natural (and dying to my lurks) without a CC nearby…long-distance mining. He tried taking out my harassing lurks by scanning and shooting with tanks, but I just backed the lurks off :). I gathered up my hydras, which began numbering maybe three control groups and…you guessed it…BURROWED!!! No, j/k….ATTACKED!!! The measly defense of 10 infantry and 2 tanks were beaten down easily.
To make a long story short, I wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn…and took the chance to say how good I am =] but star left b4 I could finish :)…what a chobo j/k. Anyways, that game got me 23 points, so GG star4207;coco or some name like that.
Lessons learned:
1. Cheesy lurk drops rule…star was just lucky.
2. I’m still a virgin …them hydras are starting to look PPPRRREEETTTTTTYYY good.
3. 3 hatch ownz…don’t try it in 3on3 though (or 1on3’s, 1on4’s, 1on5’s, 1on6’s, 1on7’s, 2on3’s, 2on4’s, 2on5’s, 2on6’s, 3on4’s, and 3on5’s)
4. Letting a Zerg outexpand you is bad newz….for the other dude, that is.
5. {AS} is kewl (Alpha Squad).
6. My reports suck.
7. I know all my teletubbies.
8. I won’t get a 10 cuz the raters are mean. :(
9. I’ll get a 10 cuz the raters are so nice. :)
10. Most of the lessons learned from my BR’s aren’t related to the game or Starcraft.
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