ME AGAINST THE WORLD

A _CIRCA_ Report

There's nothing more annoying than people who talk crap. You know, the kind that say stuff like, "I can take you 1v1, c'mon, are you scared??" and stuff like "Aww man, you're nothing but a wimp. I could take you and your friends 3v1!"

In the back of my mind, i know they can't, but something just makes me want to prove them wrong. Maybe because they are wrong, i don't know, but this is a report about one of those times.

LiGhT Clan

I was once in a clan called LiGhT. I was LiGhT_Emerica, and i wasn't one of the best players. The clan was, to say the least, corrupt. The leader was secretly creating his own clan with the best members of LiGhT, and i didn't like it at all!!! So of course, being the bold guy that i am, spoke up to the leader.

I gave him so much crap, he handed his position down to one of my best friends in the clan, LiGhT_Tig. Basically all of the members of LiGhT quit, and me, Tig and LiGhT_Choman were the only ones left.

Tig didn't want the spot anymore, and Me and choman decided that light had a bad enough rep on the zone. So we started a new clan. ACE.

This is how the rivalry between me and light started... Because i ws the only loyal member in the whole clan. That was all. I just met 3 members of LiGhT today, and asked if they were still actually a clan. They said yeah, they asked who i was, and i told them. i used to be LiGhT_Emerica! It turned out the other guy was the person i hated most in LiGhT... LiGhT_Diablo. He's snobby and stuck up and he SUCKS!!! So after a few hours of arguing over wether light sucks or not, a lot of stuff happened. For my benefit.

The Challenge

LiGhT_Diablo said i sucked soooo much, him and his buddies could take me any day! So i suggested a game. Not 1v1, not 2v1, not 2v2, not 2v3, not 3v3, 3v1. Me against LiGhT. Diablo's sorry ass accepted the challenge, and the game was off.

The first argument came when i noticed one guy's name. LiGhT_II/IIan. I think it was a fancy way of typing LiGhT_Man, i dont know, but i told him what i thought. That his name was retarded and gay and stupid. He was mad. That just made everything more fun, 2 out of 3 liGhTs were pissed at me, and would definitely be playing their best to defeat me.

Not a word was said until everyone clicked in, and i promptly started the game, hoping that they would realize what they had gotten into.

The Match

The game started with my taking control of my area. I was choson, one light was hittite, one light was greek, and one was choson. This was gonna be interesting. Everything went fine, and light didn't seem to be taking any land up. I was wondering what they were doing! I sent 2 villis to build my 8 TC's, and the other 1 to go to the center of the map and build my barracks.

I put some towers up to see one of the lights, that man guy, building houses !?! in the center of tha map! What kind of players were they recruiting! But then i thought of something... During my light strategy meetings, we discussed a certain strategy for unfair or uneven games. The house blockade strategy. All 3 members of the team would put houses and towers in the center,thus blocking the enemy from any control of the region. "Dammit!" I thought to myself, but i could get through it.

I knew the strategy, and they were retards for still using it. They would all build their barracks interlocked at the back of the map, leaving their home bases out in the open. I was at 6 oclock, and i figured that one half of the mapp would be mine. I built about 20 barracks, as a precaution, surrounding my TC's, started the upgrade to long swordsman, and pumped out about 19 swordsmen.

About 4 TC's were built by this time, so i created 4 villiagers. 1 build barracks, 1 built houses, 1 built temples and one built towers. I was preparing for an attack on my base, while i saw that not only were my swordsmen ready, the upgrade was complete! I sent those 19 swordsmen to 3 oclock to see what was up there. I guessed it would be diablo, but i really had no idea. We'll get back to that later.

At my home base, one of Man's men was searching through my houses. It was a scout, you know, the horse kind. The kind that nobody uses! Two shots from a ballista tower and he was gone, but now he knew where my weak spot was! I know how to cover this up. I blocked off my half of the map with a sea of barracks, and hoped they would build quick enough until the big attack came from the lights.

At my other backup barracks, more swordsmen were pumping out. My faithful priests at the temple were researching fantacism, and my storage pit already had metallurgy covered. I was off to a good start. 20 more swordsmen popped outta the barracks! Yay! I sent 'em up to check the center of the map, to see it the lights were being dumb or smart, and then i checked on 3 oclock.

It was diablo, i was right. And he was getting crushed. 2 TCs were demolished, and my swordsmen were moving on to his houses. It turns out he was the choson player for the team. "Yes!" I thought to myself. If i could mess up the choson, then they would have no rushing power at all! I just swept those houses outta there, and to my surprise, he sent nothing in to defend them. I took a look at my other batch of legions.

It turned out they were being dumb... Really dumb. They had filled the entire center of the map with houses, and not a tower in sight! I had this game made! I starded barge-navigating my way through the houses, if a legion came past one, it was gone, when i checked my building stats.

Nothing even in the form of an attack came my way, not a thing! My barracks were halfway done, and i had about 75 already. I clicked on all of em madly, created some swordsmen, and went to my home base.

It looked like my priests were finished! finally! I clicked on a nearby barrack and started the upgrade to legion. Once i got those, the game was mine!!! bwahahahah! hmnnnhahahaha! bwahahahah!

My backup barracks had some more swordsmen produced, and i sent them to the only spot on the map that the other light could be. 9 oclock. I formed a legion of legions, sent em over to 9, and hoped that this light sucked as much as the other ones.

Meanwhile, at diablo's place, i was creaming him. His houses were gone, and i was onto the tech buildings. A legionn or 2 popped up, and were soon popped back down again, and i resumed destruction. I was showing them what expert was all about.

I checked back at the center and my path was cleared. I sent the crew up to 12 oclock, where everything was supposed to be according to the strategy, but found nothing. Suddenly, a big "LiGhT_Diablo has been defeated" message popped up, and i heard nothing but sighs and complaints from the others.

I figured there was no use in keeping tose legions at 3 oclock, so i moved them all to 9 oclock. I found both of the other lights. LiGhT_Man had apparently agreed to house the other one, LiGhT_Rider, to trick me into thinking that they were in their usual location. Hmnnn... Very clever (sarcasm.) It appeared that all i had to figt was about 15 hittite cats, not heavy cats, just cats, and about 10 greek hoplites.

Their houses were all in the center, the ones i destroyed, and i made my way to the cats. All of a sudden, a little message popped up on my screen saying, "LiGhT_Rider has resigned."

"Ahhhh $hi^!" said LiGhT_Man, and i asked what he was going to do next. All he replied was, "This!"

"You are victorious!" I sighed a sigh of relief, as i had won the game. I defeated the person i hate the most in the game, and the rest of his new, loyal clan (sarcasm again,) were quitters. This would be something to tell everyone! As i left the game, i just kept thinking... Thinking about how i just passed the first real milestone in my AOE career. I had just successfully completed a 3v1 victory, against a clan of people i hate! Whoa!

And this goes as a lesson to all of you AOE players out there. If you hate a clan, play em. Get it all out of your system. You'll win, trust me.

This has been a _CIRCA_ report. Please contact me at bouncingpenny@hotmail.com, or contact me on the zone. My name is _CIRCA_, and i look forward to playing you!