"Some day there will be little CynicalMagicianettes, casting spells randomly on 30 year old women. Will they steal your wife? Probably."
-SlingsNArrows
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| Beat the Legacy Battle Report: Xenon vs Ass|Hair | | | Author: | | | IP: | nic-30-cXXXX | | Date: | 04/16/00 01:04 | | Game Type: | Starcraft | | Labels: | none | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 1, Max: 7, Min: 7
Lifetime Rating for SpaceDominator: 7.0000 |  | Welcome to SpaceDominator's third battle report. The first two are over at Starcraft Millennium sitting and being patient for more people to read. You really should check them out! I'd first recommend reading this one though, after all it is a newer Battle Report and I found the game to be very interesting as well. I am sorry about the lack of imagery in this document, I just wanted to cover all of the information in writing. It should be pretty easy to read through.
Dan Dierdorf: Welcome to one of the most intrieging matchups in the entire Starcraft community. I think this game is even more interesting then watching molding bread. What do you think Mr. Dominator?
SpaceDominator: Bleh. I think it's time we give it to the announcer of the stadium who wants to introduce the competitors today. Take it away Announcer foo!
Announcer:
"Hello Everyone! Welcome to the Dire Straits for an exciting matchup between your homecrowd Xenon and Ass|Hair. A note to all spectators please stay out of the way of any flying objects, we are not liable for any damages or deaths that occur to our crowd."
"A special welcome goes to the members of the "Anti-Dire Academy", we welcome your protests with open arms. However, we have given you great seats directly in front of Xenon's Photon Cannons. Feel free to make yourself company and don't let the electricity bite!"
"Please rise for the Protoss Theme Music, which will be sung by our favorite Protoss High Templar, Tassadar."
"Please enjoy the game and cheer loudly for Xenon."
Dan Dierdorf: Mr. Dominator, do you have any predictions for today's highly anticipated matchup?
SpaceDominator: Umm. No.
Dan Dierdorf: That was another beautiful analysis written originally by SpaceDominator. I think that one competes with the Commentator who covers the Detroit Lions.
SpaceDominator: The Blind One?
Dan Dierdorf: Yeah. The Blind One. I think we are now about ready to begin.
Dan Dierdorf: Both of our competitiors have now recieved control of their Town Halls and we have now begun! Xenon, the SC:L hometown hero is located in the Bottom Left corner of the map and Ass|Hair is located in the Top Left.
SpaceDominator: Whooptiedo! Xenon is Protoss and Ass|Hair is .... I forgot what they called those aliens beings.
Dan Dierdorf: Oh, the Zurg? Those Zurg are powerful units. I fear that Xenon might be in deep trouble because those zurg are just so powerful that nothing can beat them!
SpaceDominator: Your right! I am going to complain about imbalance but I fear that Xenon must battle through this! If he loses, he might be forced to reset his forums again!
Dan Dierdorf: That would be scary. Ass|Hair made the first major move by sending his Overlord to the East, to later discover that nothing was over there.
SpaceDominator: How typical, the SC:L staff can never be found but they can always find me. I think that's another imbalance Dan!
Dan Dierdorf: Sure Space, whatever the you say.
SpaceDominator: Xenon is going to win! He built a Pylon! My god, he is good! I wish I had as good of skillz as Xenon.
Dan Dierdorf: He's doing even better now Space. He has an assimilator now too. This is starting to get scary. Space, did you notice what Ass|Hair has built? Space? Space? SPACE?
SpaceDominator: Oh, was I supposed to say something? I was picking up some more donuts. They were delicious, directly next to the carcasses of the Anti-Dire Academy.
Dan Dierdorf: I miss my old partner. Oh my god. This is terrible! Ass|Hair has built a second Hatchery before anything else. This is an extremely unique move that only some idiotic Zurg player would make.
SpaceDominator: I must happily oblige. With Ass|Hair building a second Hatchery he does give himself the opportunity to macromanage later in the game but with Xenon's Pylon and an Assimilator it puts him a few seconds behind technology wise. Xenon is winning, which is extremely surprising.
Dan Dierdorf: You actually said something intelligent! That's a first. Oh my god, Ass|Hair now has an Extractor!
SpaceDominator: Oh Big Deal. Xenon countered with a Gateway but right after that Ass|Hair built a Spawning Pool. I think they are starting to even out a little Dan? What do you think will happen next?
Dan Dierdorf: I think Xenon should go for it on 4th down, being ahead by 2 points doesn't give him enough of an advantage to keep his opponent from scoring a Field Goal.
SpaceDominator: Yes Dan. That's exactly what Xenon should do. I thought he should punt his Probe's over to the other island.
Dan Dierdorf: It could work. I have seen those Map Hackers do it before.
SpaceDominator: Next up on Xenon's Gameplan was a Cybernetics Core. This was a very good move because the Cyber core gives Xenon the opportunity to built Dragoons and upgrade his air units. A great call in my opinion.
Dan Dierdorf: The activity of Ass|Hair is even less entertaining then that molding piece of Bread that you just ate SD.
SpaceDominator: Ass|Hair hasn't built anything more? What a surprising tactic. Maybe he's attempting to do something that I enjoy doing.
Dan Dierdorf: What's that?
SpaceDominator: Lose.
Dan Dierdorf: Oh. Err. Let us continue our coverage. Xenon has now constructed another pylon in a very strategical location on the other side of his minerals. Maybe he's attempting to prevent a drop through using cannons that he may build in the future!
SpaceDominator: That's a possibility Dan but I really want to know what you think about the Detroit Lions.
Dan Dierdorf: THEY SUCK. We are now on a commercial break, enjoy the commericals and when we get back we'll update you on your future situation.
SpaceDominator: The Lions Suck... Ain't life great?
Commerical #1: Have you been killed 5 times straight by a super star Starcraft player? Have you been injured by a 4-pool Zergling rush? Did someone else's stupidity cause you to lose a vital game of SC? If so, you have ever right to sue. We here at "The Suing Lounge" greatly enjoy sueing people for no better reason then those. We only charge a modest fee of 5 dead Marines and a Zergling in a pear tree. If interested call us at 1-800-ZERGSUE. It'll be your las.. most worthful call for us.
SpaceDominator: Welcome back everyone. Dan Dierdorf was forced to leave us due to reasons beyond belief. Now in the booth with us is the chairman of the Starcraft Community, EnforcerMan.
Enforcerman: Hello.
SpaceDominator: Enjoying the game?
Enforcerman: No.
SpaceDominator: Oh. I see. Let us resume now. Ass|Hair just upgraded his Hatchery to a Lair. Enforcerman, do you think that was a great move?
Enforcerman: Yes.
SpaceDominator: Why?
Enforcerman: Why?
SpaceDominator: Umm. That was productive. Let's get back to the game now. Xenon is making a very agressive move by constructing a Robotics Facility. This will probably used for Drops of units. This could also lead to the Reaver Drop which is extremely effective when done properly.
Enforcerman: Productive!
SpaceDominator: Very good Enforcerman. That was an extremely original concept. Anyways, Ass|Hair is soon to know Xenon's exact location because his overlord that he sent scouting at the beginning finally reached the Lower Right Island.
Enforcerman: Finally.
SpaceDominator: Xenon is really putting the pressure on now. He has constructed 2 stargates and a pylon and his opponent is only starting to build his Spire. A battle for air control seems imminent!
Enforcerman: Imminent!
SpaceDominator: Err. Enforcerman, you've done very well announcing for now. NOW SHUT UP!
Enforcerman: Announcing!
SpaceDominator: I can't kill again. I just can't kill again. Maybe Xenon will kill for me.. Hmm. Interesting thought. =) With Xenon's stargates completed I wonder what move he'll make next.
SpaceDominator: Finally! I have a great announcing partner. Xenon now adds a Robotics Support Bay. Please note the only units that have been constructed have been probes, drones and overlords. That is it! Which is very unusual.
Enforcerman: Unusual!
SpaceDominator: Finally! The first military unit of the game has been created. It is Xenon's First Corsair of the game. Corsairs are one of the best Anti-Air units with their extremely quick rate of attack and their reasonable cost. Xenon should be able to make mincemeat of Ass|Hair's Overlords too. What a great move by Xenon. It's a shame that his forum has been rest by Redcloak.
Enforcerman: Redcloak!
SpaceDominator: Sure enough Xenon has sent his one corsair into his opposition's base and he successfully killed off an Overlord. Xenon must be snickering at the stupidity of his opponent. Meanwhile, his Zerg opponent Ass|Hair has 4 zerglings now! This is amazing since both sides are actually constructing units!
Enforcerman: Construction!
SpaceDominator: Xenon has now finally constructed a Forge fearing that he might actually need something to defeat his opponent. Xenon's number of corsairs has also doubled to 2. But wait! Ass|Hair now has 3 Mutalisks that he is sending directly at Xenon's base. This is interesting, because Xenon's force is all solely in his Corsairs. This could give Ass|Hair some time to recover!
Enforcerman: Mutalisk!
SpaceDominator: Xenon with great success was able to construct one more Corsair to defend his base. The entire minimap is filled with little dots everywhere. A peculiar move is Ass|Hair's two Overlords flying towards an empty base. I still wonder what he could have in there. Maybe an expansion technique is being implored.
Enforcerman: Implored?
SpaceDominator: I was expecting this completly three Mutalisks flew through Xenon's base but there is a problem. There are 4 Corsairs. 4 Corsairs > 3 Mutalisks. Advantage: Xenon. The crowd stands up and does the wave.
Enforcerman: Wave?
SpaceDominator: Decent Micromanagement by Ass|Hair allows for him to attack a pylon to no success. Great move! =(
Enforcerman: =(
SpaceDominator: Another magnificiant move was done by Ass|Hair. When he had his Mutalisks attacking at the top of Xenon's Island he sent in 3 Mutalisks around the outside to attack Xenon's Economy. Great move, except Xenon's Corsairs won the battle quickly and handled the situation accordingly. Xenon now has a Shuttlecraft as well to do some expanding probably.
SpaceDominator: Enforcerman has left without saying another word. How typical. Ass|Hair continues to bombard with Mutalisks but Xenon's corsairs continue to push him back. A pretty tense time I must admit. Xenon decides to build three photon cannons at great points around his base to prevent the mutalisks from ascending too quick. Great move Xenon!
SpaceDominator: Xenon also managed to expand and he had a pylon already constructed during this entire period. Ass|Hair was forced to retreat and Xenon clearly has the advantage now. This is great news and the crowd cheers his effort loudly. All Ass|Hair does is build 1 more mutalisk and a couple of spore colonies. He's prepping for an attack from Xenon.
SpaceDominator: Sure enough Xenon builds a Reaver. Before hand though, Xenon was smart by sending in his Corsairs to kill as many mutalisks as he could. He was very effective killing 3. An intelligent move from Ass|Hair did occur by him drawing the Corsairs away from his main. Xenon meanwhile continues to enforce his economic main by building two photons behind. Both seem to be waiting for the other.
SpaceDominator: Ass|Hair does have a Hydralisk den but still doesn't have any Hydralisks. All he has is a small defense and two mutalisks. Xenon could kill Ass|Hair very easily right now with his reaver. Xenon quickly catches on to the idea and sends over 6 corsairs and 1 Shuttle directly from the southern part of his base. Ass|Hair's defense is small with 4 spore colonies, 3 mutalisks and 2 hydralisks. =(
SpaceDominator: Xenon lets lose his secret weapon. That one reaver. He then begins an attak from his southern part of the island. He begins by killing one of the spore colonies. Though Ass|Hair notices and sends his two hydralisks which scare off Xenon. It is true though because these Two Hydralisks could also kill his corsairs easily too.
SpaceDominator: Xenon's expansion is also very safe with 4 Photon Cannons surrounding his Nexus in a Diagonal fashion. Very nice manuever from Xenon as well. =) An interesting thing to note is that Xenon's Carrier with the one Reaver is at 1 health with No Shields. It will take some time for it to repair so Xenon just leaves it in the middle of the map. STUPID. =)
SpaceDominator: Another magnificiant move was done by Ass|Hair. When he had his Mutalisks attacking at the top of Xenon's Island he sent in 3 Mutalisks around the outside to attack Xenon's Economy. Great move, except Xenon's Corsairs won the battle quickly and handled the situation accordingly. Xenon now has a Shuttlecraft as well to do some expanding probably. Xenon's corsairs grew to 12.
SpaceDominator: Ass|Hair finally expands to his natural at 12:00. It's pretty new because his town hall is starting to build up gradually it's health. Ass|Hair is also starting construct Scourges to try to eliminate a couple of Xenon's Corsairs. It won't work. I guarantee it.
SpaceDominator: Xenon seems like he is ready to kill his opponent. He also discovered Ass|Hair's expansion so it makes sense that 2 Reavers and two dragoons will do the trick, huh? =0 Xenon also builds an Observatory and a Fleet Beacon and KILLS Ass|Hair's expansion real easily with the units that he has. The crowd celebrates an early victory for Xenon. Then the main base falls the same way. A gradual attack from the top right of the main caught Ass|Hair completely by surprise. Xenon also sends in a carrier for good measure. Ass|Hair in desperation builds 4 Devourers which damage the Carrier and the entire attack is fouled! Ass|Hair survives with very little remaining. A tough bugger this Ass|Hair.
SpaceDominator: Ass|Hair also expands again to that same natural with 5 Devourers and 1 Guardian. He even expands again to the top right. This Ass|Hair thinks he can still win! Five Carriers and another expansion for Xenon is all that he gained. Xenon is still clearly in control of this game. Sure enough Xenon goes through the three bases with reavers and carriers and defeats his opponent once and for all.
The final Chat Logs was interesting too:
Xenon: GG
Xenon: but wait
Xenon: let me kill you
Ass|Hair: ho
Ass|Hair: I mean.
Ass|Hair: Hold On.
Thus ends an exciting game of SC and the winner of Xenon finally reigns. Now Xenon is still wondering who messed up his forum. Maybe if you don't tell him, he'll forget!
-SpaceDominator
P.S. Feel free to give me bad marks, I'd love to hear how to improve it besides for just Images. |
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