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After a recent break from battle reporting and a trip to the mountains of Tibet for two months of meditation, I am ready to return to the world of BattleReports.com. I left you with an unfinished series and little respect as a serious battlereporter. That will be no more. Here and now I will show that I am capable of writing reports that make 'sense'. So without further ado, I present to you, the most 'senseful' work of literature ever conceived, the first installment of my new book, Lookin' In The Grass: A collection of fine poetry by Mr.Mediocre.

Seeing good everyday:

I look around at the airs and grasses

And I think….

"Where is them grasses think theys going?"

I pull em up out of the earth

And I put them in the airs so,

I can look and think,

"That’s where they is."

Drag Racin’

I’m sitting in my car and,

I look down the road

I push the petal to the floor

VROOOOOOOM

The car goes fast down the street,

And I look back and think

"They aint gonna catch me!"

Morning Delivery

The sun rises over the morning hills,

The crisp frost twinkles in the light,

I stare into the new day and think,

"FIFTEEN MINUTES TILL FARTIN TIME!"

Milkman

He is strong and noble

Wearing white and bringing Milk

Killing my fish

Hanging my pets

Bringing the Milk

The milk for a new day

A day

With milk

A day

Of milk

A day

For milk

Strong Daddy

Strong daddy

With his muscular Body

His Dark skin

His powerful loins,

I remember when

He was young and new

Then the butcher came

And daddy was gone,

Now my mom is yelling,

"Roast Pork Time!"

And I can only think,

"YES!"

Banana Man

With his crazy smile

And his sack of fun

The banana Man

Who lives under our house,

I am the only one who knows about him

Because I am special

And he only lets me

Play the special place game.

Pork Rinds

I place the pork rind in my mouth

It touches my sweetly throbbing tongue

Saliva surrounds it

Making it melt within me

I swallow

My stomach screams

MORRREEE PORK RINDS, MORE!!

I answer my stomachs plea

Devouring Rind after Rind of Pork

But my body has a new plea

A plea for...

Beer

I answer whole heartedly

I grow more and more eager to

Devour all the Pork Rinds

Then to my hearts dismay

I realize, Pork Rinds are no more

Without Pork Rinds, life cannot exist

No more Pork Rinds,

No more Life

No more Pork Rinds

No

More

Life

Really in the Room

When I was young,

My secret friend would come over

And we would play,

Really in the Room

It was a game of childish fun

And good times
Until we opened the fifth gate

Satan came out then

And he used our souls to manifest

His demons of Hell

Now me and my friend

Roam the Netherworld

Souless ghosts,

Searching for our lives.

NEVER PLAY GAMES.

Advice

Listen to your mother and father

Listen to your grandparents

Listen to your siblings

Listen

…to your family

…to you friends

…to your enemies

…to those you have loved

…to those who have loved you

But most of all listen to your heart

But whatever you do

Don’t listen to the man in the corner With the pointy teeth

Do you know why?

Because that is Dracula

And you don’t need to listen to him.

Kansas, My Home

Kansas, sweet kansas.

Where the beaches are white

And the mountain peaks

Burst onto the orange sunset sky.

Where the native tribes dance

Under the midnight moon.

I think to myself sometimes,

That maybe Kansas is the perfect

Place to live.

Latin Ready Mix

My father brought it home

On a Tuesday afternoon,

It was small and dark

And it squeaked when

You poked it

Father said it was good to eat

So we cooked it up

And ate it.

Magazine Mania

My friend on the stairs

Running towards the rack

The magazine rack

So many people coming up the stairs

I look around for a place to hide

And I see a corner

I run to the corner and

Hide there for a while

And then all the people are gone

And so are all the Magazines.

My friend and my Foe

He is my worst enemy

And my best friend

I see him in my brains

And I know his facial features

His eyes are like mine

Except blue and

With bigger pupils,

His strong arms pulsate in my brains too,

They are there….pulsating.

I look into his eyes and I see

Myself, because

I’m reflected in his eyes,

Just like in a mirror.

Hole In ONE

Nowadays people think

Its hard to get a hole in one,

Well,

Theys wrong,

Because just yesterday,

I seen a man get one.

Sometimes…

Sometimes I think…

And as I’m thinking,

I start to remember back when,

My father would chant over my

Sleeping body,

And I would remember the warm

Blood trickling over my face,

And I’d think,

Good, now Azbaroth

Will be pleased.

I hear them DRUMS

I HEAR EM

YOURE BEATIN ON EM

Cats are Kinda Nice

Cats don’t bark

Cats don’t swim

Cats are kinda

Nice.

Trajan font

This is the trajan font

Trajan trajan trajan trajan

The great "At nightime"

Sometimes at nightime,

I go lookin’

I look everywhere

I look in the woods

And under the grass and dirt

I look forever until,

Someday

I will find my missing

Legs.