For once, rugby practice is cancelled and I am eager to rush home to spend some quality time with Battle.net. After the computer enters Windows, I click ‘ok’ on the Sprint dial-up connection. I grab a pop, watch the Heat/Knicks game, a little while later, I get connected. I check battlereports.com and see, for the millionth time, if anyone had commented on my last battlereport (hint, hint). I get excited when I see 29 comments only to see that the last comment was my own, telling T_Mac to stop spamming 29 comments on my comment section. Man T_Mac, stop spamming and maybe SOMEDAY you might have a battlereport with a rating higher six (Oh dis!!!).

Anyways, on to the actual game. I log on as C_Time and enter Nohunters. Two on two anyone? Cath1/1!! I enter to see if I might get a chance to play but all the spots are filled up. MageCathy is the host as she creates a 2on2 on i2e2 Lost Temple map. LadyPaladin enters the room. A few moments later, PrincessCollsy, hmmm, cat fight anyone? Well, stop drooling and getting your hopes up cause this is a family battlereport. I move down to the observer slot with ChinkswithGuns and contemplating if I should br the game or leave. If you think I left, you are truly an idiot. Slingnarrows joins the game and gl hf . . . . . 5 . . . . .4 . . . . .3 . . . . 2 . . . . .1 . . .

I quickly run to my room, fetch my notebook and run back to the computer. I click on the allies box and see the colours of each player. Then I ask for the teams, Chinks answers. Then I check the mini-map, all the while scribbling down jibberish only I could read (hopefully), then clicking on each start spot to check the races. Here’s what the battlefield looked like:

Team One: Lady and the Mage:

MageCathy: Who is the only player I’ve heard of other than Slingsnarrows and is presumably has some skillz, randoms to Zerg at 12:00 (Top)

LadyPaladin:Whom I’ve never had the pleasure of meeting =]), she randoms to toss and starts off at 9:00(left)

Team Two: Slings and Collsy

PrincessCollsy randoms to Terran at the 3:00 spot

Slingsnarrows, the gosu one, randoms to zerg at 6:00

LadyPaladin goes pylon, gate, gate, pylon, pumping enough zealots to not hurt her economy. PrincessCollsy builds a depot by her Command Center, then decides to begin a wall-in at her choke with a rax. Slingsnarrows expands early to his natural and starts a hatchery there. MageCathy, still undecided finds PrincessCollsy with her OV and scans the Princess’ main. It seems Cathy has caught the Princess with her pants down (hehe) has her 9-pool finished and 3 eggs made. The Princess finishes her rax and then, builds a bunker?? 6 lings finish and run towards PrincessCollsy’s choke, the bunker (filled with only 1 marine) is situated at the left ledge of the choke. The 6 lings run past the bunker, not one is killed, even when 1 reinforcing marine pops out of the rax, the lings run free to rape the scvs. Now scvs versus zerglings is not a pretty sight, not only do the scvs explode fast, ling guts seem to explode as well.

PrincessCollsy survives with 4 scvs, 1 of them escaped while working at the refinery. Feeling some breathing room, MageCathy puts up a hatch at her choke and expands to her natural. Slingsnarrows has his expansion to half-speed with several drones mining. Slingnarrows expansion is defended by one sunken and 5-6 lings. Another six lings have been sent to his partner to aid the Princess. Four of LadyPaladin’s zealots march towards the expansion with orders to take it down. The zealot’s field trip encounters small but sufficient resistance at the 6:00 natural. The zerglings rip through the zealots, but the zealots manage to kill all the lings with 2 zealots still remaining. MageCathy reinforces the attack with 6 zerglings and the only defense Slingsnarrows has left is one sunken. Slingsnarrows recalls his troops guarding Princess’ main and hatchs up some more zerglings but the resistance is crushed as more enemy zealots and zerglings join the fray.

Stayin' Alive

It seems the game is over before its started but it seems Slingsnarrows is too gosu to give up that fast. He puts up one sunken while he morphs another creep. Sling’s expansion hatch is destroyed as 2 zealots and 8 zerglings make their way up Sling’s choke. Sling's drones join the battle, but even with the drones, the battle looks grim. All of the sudden, the second sunken comes alive!! With some micro from Sling and some lack of micro from LadyPaladin and MageCathy, the attack fails and it seems Sling shall live to see another battle.

LadyPaladin adds another gate, still not showing any signs of teching. She hasn’t even have a assimilator yet!! MageCathy brings another hatchery online at her natural choke bringing the total up to 4 hatchs. PrincessCollsy, who seems to be still recovering from the 9-pool adds another bunker. It seems that Lady/Mage have the offensive advantage as both Sling and Princess have started to turtle. However, they turtle for good reasons, their troop count is severely low compared to that of their opponents. 12 zerglings and 5-6 zealots gather at the bottom of Sling’s choke. Sling’s fate looks grim yet again. The opposing zerglings and zealots walk up the ramp uncontested. The resistance they encounter is that of a gosu turtler, 3 sunkens spread apart but close enough o support each other. Sling also has 6 zerglings as they enter the battle as well. I’m in a stupor as I watch 3 sunkens and 6 lings take down 6 zealots and 12 zerglings. LadyPaladin seems to need lessons in micro though but MageCathy fights furiously to take down even ONE sunken. The closest they would come to is 46 hp, all three sunkens still kicking. It seems Sling shall live to see yet another battle.

PrincessCollsy has not been sitting idle, although still turtling, she is showing signs of teching. The Princess has up an academy, ebay and one factory. LadyPaladin has added one more gate, putting the total up to four gates. I’m betting due to some nagging from MageCathy, LadyPaladin finally puts up a cyb core (STILL NO ASSIMILATOR). MageCathy adds a three sunkens at his natural choke, everybody keeping busy. And then there is Slingsnarrows, ah poor old Slings, representing his gender with pride. LadyPaladin tries to contain poor old Slings as she puts up a pylon a cannon at the bottom of Sling’s choke. Sling spots this though and destroys the attempt before the second cannon gets warped in.

MageCathy starts morphing a spire and a lair while LadyPaladin tries to contain Slingsnarrows yet again with 9 zealots. LadyPaladin has still not tech’ed but is finally warping in an assimilator! LadyPaladin’s containing zealots attack Sling’s main while 12 mutas attack Slings mineral line. It seems like gg for blue. =( .
The Art of: Goin' Out With Style
It seems like the end of the game for the Princess now with Slingsnarrows gone. The 12 mutas join up with 12 more mutas at MageCathy’s expansion. Whats this? PrincessCollsy is actually making units!! Two starports are pumping wraths while one factory is pumping goliaths. Does the Princess stand a chance? MageCathy’s mutas gather at the natural which only has one OV. Eight royal wraiths cloak and kill the OV, then ensuing the ownage on the mutas. The mutas fall quickly, 2 Ovs rush in as the wraiths try to kill the Ovs fast. However, a single devourer spores all the wraiths therefore destroying their ability to cloak. All the wraiths die. MageCathy expands all over the map and kills the Princess with a 40++ zergling overrun.

Well, gg y’all guys. This game was a lot LESS closer than I depicted it but as long as you were entertained. And if you were not, well then, try writing ur own br. And if you want some real entertainment, I suggest you go watch Gladiator.=]

This has been aC_Time battlereport, and dun forget it!!