"Hello and welcome to another exciting edition of Ethel The Frog Presents, brought to you live by station WPLUVAX. I'm Ken Clean Air System and I'm coming to you live from the Terran Federation's front lines on the hostile, barren, despicable, wretched and utterly horrid planet Vlunx'phaar P upon which our boys are valiantly holding back the waves of zerg beasties whom are trying to claim the planet for their own. But planet Vlunx'phaar P is vital to the continuation of the Terran Federation's war effort as it is the home office of the Terran War Propaganda Agency as well as being responsible for manufacturing and distributing nearly 75% of the paperclips produced within the Federation. Other noted industries liable to be affected by the hostile takeover would be the peanut industry, the revered praeline, and pram production. Well, I see a group of Terran soldiers right over there busy fighting off yet another zerg incursion. Let's go over and talk to the boys and see how it's going."

Brushing his neatly manicured fingers across the slightly mussed fabric of his smart suit, Mr. Clean Air System gingerly made his way across the cracked, burnt out ground over to a grizzled quartet of marines whom seemed rather busy issuing out each scampering zergling and slithering hydralisk their quota of super-sonic spikes to various body orifices. Their battle armor was dirty and scared, and the men seemed weary.

"Excuse me, you men there! How's it going? We have seventeen trillion billion viewers at home who'd like to know a little more about the fight on Vlunx'phaar P and if there's any possibility of a paperclip shortage in the next year. Your comments?" A microphone was indiscreetly shoved in front of a black reflective, unemotional helmet visor. The marine ceased firing his death cannon and turned more to face the dimunitive, unarmored reporter, as did his three mates. The smooth, black visor slid up to reveal a dirt-smudged face that squinted with beady eyes and grinned with a few yellowed teeth short of a full set.

"Hey, we on the TV?" The man drawled, his grin gaining excitement. His three comrades fidgeted slightly as they turned toward the camera. One waved.

"Yes, this is Ethel the Frog Presents coming live, and we want to know what the common mud-slogger, the grunt, the...cannon fodder thinks about what's going on here on this ugly little planet." Ken flashed his jillion credit smile.

"Well, y'know, it's, err, goin'. Well, I...guess. They're, ah, comin' at us, and we're...tryin' to stop 'em." The marine reached up and instinctively tried to scratch the back of his neck, a feat made impossible by powered armor. Leaning confidentially toward Clean Air System, he spoke in a lower tone. "I'm sorry sir, I'm a bit camera shy. Never know what t'say, you know? I mean, what if I fuck up?" He chuckled nervously, and Ken did with him. A very loud report from a siege tank ripped across the noisy battlefield, burying a shell not too far from where the group stood. Bits of uprooted dirt and rock showered them. The reporter did not look pleased at this turn of events. "Don't worry son--"
"--Sargeant." The marine quickly corrected.
"Sargeant. You're doing just fine." It seemed to work a little, as the huge metallic suit relaxed a bit. "Well the war's coming along rather nicely, I think." The sargeant grinned, cradling his rifle while the three privates behind him turned to engage some zerglings who had scampered too close to the set. "The regiment's taken some losses today, but only about 200, which is much better than yesterday's toll." Clean Air System's left eyebrow arched slightly. "But the men of the Fighting 481st Tax Accountancy Division will be ready for action tomorrow!" Ken grinned, knowing the audience would eat up the patriotic bits.
"Good to hear it Sargeant. Where is the rest of the regiment?" He craned his neck about slightly in inquiry. The sargeant tilted his head toward the other three. "There's Corporal Johnson, Private Dix, and PFC Arthur "Two Arms" Wilcox. A tough-as-nails group as you've ever seen." The men took a brief pause in their desparate struggle to hold the line against a massive tidal wave of writhing, shrieking alien flesh to nod and grin to a rather shocked news reporter, who promptly stepped back.
"Well then, good luck to you men! Hope you get some reinforcements soon!" Turning back to the camera, Ken turned on his most cool, professional expression. "This is once again Ken Clean Air System bringing you this live report from Planet Vlunx'phaar P. Tune in again at 10:00 for our shocking investigative report on Mr. George Very-Big-Liar, the President of Interlogic, whom is currently under investigation of fraud in his company's involvement in the Wraith Armor Plating Division. Until then, Ken Clean Air System signing off for Ethel the Frog."

"This report was brought to you by Propo Paperclips! Remember, when you've got more than one piece of paper, you need a Propo!"


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