The Gay Chronicles

Ok that title might be a wee little bit not related to this report =)

I should make it totally clear  that if you want to learn some good tactics or watch skilled players..err..play, this is not the report for you =).

I'm not writing this because I want to post a good "lessons learned" section... like Breeze does =).

Ok some of you are still with me. Let's get the game going!

The map of this game is NOT The Lost Temple!! I'm pretty sure it isn't, anyway.

In the chatroom we realize that there aren't enough room for all the observers, so SlipKnoT must be a player and select Terran and then get allied in the old fashioned way.

As you may notice from the picture the players are MrPimp6913 (MrPimp) and =|GriFFiN|= (Griffin).

(Can't everyone use lower case letters? Like I do =)

In the last seconds of the countdown, Dialtone_ feels that he desperately needs to annoy me, and clicks himself up to a player slot. Luckily he manages to choose Terran so I won't have to get hold of his adress and abuse him with a banana.

Whether he did this so he could ram SlipKnoTs CC with his own, or declare SCV war on him, I'm unsure of.

Ok enough bullshit.

Players:

MrPimp  -  Blue  -  Toss  -  Bottom Right

Griffin  -  White  -  Terran  -  Top Left

Map: Bob'sObs Mayhem

This map was made by Jinxy, take a look at his maps here.

Ok as you can see there are four mains, all with a bridge to a "natural". There are also expansions at 3, 12, 9, 6 and in the middle.

I think this map is perfect for FFA's.

And the game starts... wait a minute while I find my notes...they're here somewhere...ok. Good.

Griffin starts a wallin at his bridge with depot and barracks, gets gas and then finnishes the wallin with a second depot.Then he gets academy and factory with machine shop.

MrPimp goes pylon, gate, gate, pylon, pylon, gas, then Core.

Griffin starts his second factory and researches spider mines while building some vultures. MrPimp starts pumping goons and he puts two of them at Griffins natural. As he makes them he then reinforces with more goons.

Griffin starts laying a minefield on his bridge while turtling like... a turtle I guess with a bunker and tanks.

As you can see there are now five goons outside Griffins base. MrPimp beginns to tech with templar archives, while Griffin starts his science facility and floats a CC to the top middle expansion. At the same time MrPimp expands to the lower left main and maynards a good amount of probes there, and builds a few more gateways.

MrPimps weapons upgrade has now finnished and he is at 1-0-0. Griffin has no upgrades. MrPimp now has four gates and two forges spinning away.

MrPimp now finds Griffins naked expansion at 12 o'clock and takes it down, but he can't kill the CC in time. As he destroys the expansion he might have been a bit worried, because attached to the CC was a nuclear silo! Yes, turtle boy was going for nukes.

The CC that floated away from it's attackers lands again at the top right main and starts a nuke silo there instead, but it only takes a short while until it is discovered by a scouting zealot =(. Again it is forced to float away and land at the 3 o'clock spot, again building a silo.

Griffin might have read some of WilliamWC3's reports. In one of them he writes about the 7 firebat 1 medic drop, and Griffin is loading bats into a dropship! He has done some minor changes to the drop though, he has left out the medic =).

His dropship makes its way to MrPimps lower left expansion and drops the bats in the mineral line. This should do some damage... damn. It didn't =(. Almost all the probes run away in time and before the bats can finnish of the Nexus some zealots come and kill them.

Finally Griffin makes use of his silo (he also has one in his main) and deploys a ghost to MrPimp's main. Unfortunately one nuke does not kill any toss buildings, except cannons and maybe shield battieries. (Without EMP.)

Hmmm....look at that minimap. The top right main. Something strange is going on up there.

MrPimp has a large number of dragoons, zealots and dts outside Griffins base, but that bridge would make the goons go crazy and the tanks would turn it into a meatgrinder, or in this case, goongrinder. What to do...?

MrPimp comes up with an idea! The observers slowly begin to notice something in the top right main. He's writing something! It takes some time but we can make out a "D". Is it DT he's writing? Looks like it in the previous minimap.

Slowly the text is being created by a probe. The observers explode in laughter as they realize that MrPimp has written "DIE" in pylons. LOL.

He obviously didn't want to throw away his army trying to kill Griffin, so he figures he'll just use this tactic instead.

This guy is so gosu!

See that white dot in the "D I E" text? I think Griffin has seen this text and he's not pleased with it. Maybe he doesn't want to die after all?

Nuclear Launch Detected

Bah. Where is it this time? Let's see. If you could choose, what would you nuke. The sea or the giant army outside your main base? Yep. That's it. (No not the sea, moron.)

MrPimp finds the ghost at Griffins bridge but the dot is gone! Oh my. He desperately try to move his army away but bridges > goons.

You could say that this nuke was a bit more cost effective than the first one. As you know I'm a very nice guy and bring you an animated gif!

WOW! That nuke kicked ass! Griffin takes advantage of the dead troops and lifts his barracks and rolls out all his tanks. Ha sieges them in his natural and kills a few reinforcing goons. He also has some goliaths in his base but forgets to take them with him, so his science vessel dies to a lone corsair. Too bad.

Unfortunately for Griffin, his turtle tactic has made it possible for MrPimp to claim almost every expansion on the map, and soon more troops are warped from Aiur. Some goons then kill his tanks (about eight), right before his goliaths come to help... bad timing there. It's also bad for the goliaths because without the tank support they fall rather quickly to the goons, not to mention the d-web.

Well all MrPimp hsa to do now is to roll over the close to undefended terran base and so he does. I have only one thing left to report to you. I just can't help myself, I have to throw in a picture of Dialtone_'s CC being destroyed.

Lessons learned:

- This map rules

- This game does not

- Dialtone_ knows how to be gay

- It's a good thing I didn't name this report "how to rape griffins"

Game statistics:

  # of godly nukes: 1

  # of good players: 0 (hehe)

  # of people that couldn't download my 500 K animated gif: too many

  # of SCV~007 logos with the wrong background color that abused heavily with Adobe filters because I have nothing better to do: 1

This was made by...