"nobo would your next anime chicks be sexing?"
-[FLS]Prozerran
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| A Battlereport with Fries and a Coke | | | Author: | | | IP: | 162.119.XXXX | | Date: | 11/24/00 07:11 | | Game Type: | Starcraft | | Labels: | none | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 3, Max: 8, Min: 8
Lifetime Rating for DivvyO: 7.7143 |  |
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THE MAP:
Lost Temple
THE PLAYERS:
iamnotdrunk! randomed PROTOSS @ six o'clock
LuckyNewbie;P randomed TERRAN @ nine o'clock
It was a quiet day in the area surrounding the Lost Temple. The sun was shining its bright rays down
upon the alien vegeataion, and all could see that it was beautiful.
Everything was in order for a day of fun in the grassy area around the Temple. Four probes came out of a
nexus to play in the sun (robots need fun time, too). Perhaps some of the probes would get rowdy and
start tossing around a beach ball, or maybe a frisbee.
Whatever plans they had, however, didn't include those redneck Terrans.
They came down from the stratosphere, landing their smelly Command Center on the lush fields of Aiur.
Four SCVs flew out of its main port and began mining minerals. The probes realized that the SCVs were
stealing minerals that rightfully belonged to the Protoss, and prepared to smite the puny widdle humans
off the face of Aiur.
The terrans, however, plans of their own ... and they sure didn't include getting smitten off the face
of Aiur. Unless it involves getting smitten by hot nekkid women, but that's another story.
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CHAPTER THE FIRST
The peons all went to the task of retrieving minerals, with Drunk going for
a depot/rax wallin, and Lucky going for 2 gates. Or 1. I don't remember. Does it matter? I mean, he gets
the second gate eventually ...
 Peons begin scouting procedures, and Drunk winds up
finding Lucky first. His hard-assed SCV starts picking on the locals, but his head is as hard as his
posterior and winds up getting double-teamed and vaporized.
 Drunk's probe hopes to have better luck when he locates Lucky's base, and makes it
inside just before the terran wall-in completes. Drunk gets a free look
around his opponent's base until a marine comes along and spanks the misbehaving little probe.
 At this time, Drunk has started going for some
hardcore goon-on-goon action, while Lucky is teching for vultures. Drunk
sends over his first two goons to go bust up some wallin action, but runs away like two little sissies
at the sight of two vultures and a marine. After such astounding action, it's time for NEW CHAPTER
MADNESS!!!
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CHAPTER THE SECOND
 Realizing that Goons obviously fail to the glory and power of Vultures, Drunk decides that his only option is to tech to Temps, because DTs obviously own
Vultures six ways from Thursday, right? Right? Okay okay, he also builds a Robotics Facility, too.
Anyways, Newbie has built a second factory and a machine shop to continue
his metal madness. Vultures continue to flow out of the base like wine, but do they attack? Hells no
they don't attack. They just kinda sit there and idle around a bit. Lazy vulture bitches.
 So here we are, Newbie gets
himself some tanks, while Drunk loads up a DT in a shuttle. Does Drunk hit the peon line of Newbie's? Maybe whittle
down his opposing forces a bit? Actually he pulls the best DT move ever and uses it only to scout
out Newbie's forces. After running around the base, the Dark Templar takes a
quick nap at Newbie's ramp to make sure nothing escapes without facing
cloaked warp blade goodness.
 The vultures eventually got sick and tired of waiting around doing nothing but playing
spider mine football, and decided to go on a peon raid. Four of them loaded up into a dropship and
skittered their way on down to Drunk's main. Grenades flew, probes exploded.
The vultures even got away with a few mines, which were beneficial in destrying 3 goons. Eventually a
DT, a goon, and an observer finish off the vulture drop, but boy was that one efficient drop (4 vultures
for 2-3 probes and 3 goons).
Eventually, the lazy little DT decides to actually get off its invisible ass and wreck some shit, and
starts doing such on Newbie's forces. Unfortunately, this gave Newbie time to research spider mines, and the result was, well, poofy. DT-shaped
poofy. Heehee, poofies are funny lookin'.
Upon researching mines, Newbie begins to mine everywhere in fear of the
little DTs that could. He mines his main. He mines his natural. He mines expansions. If he could mine
Joe Lieberman's ass, he would. He doesn't build a singe comsat station. Not even an academy for that
matter. Mines will be his detectors. That is all he needs. Honest.
Drunk hasn't just been sitting with a thumb up his thingus, though. He has
taken his natural and fortified it with two dancing goons on the ledge to prevent any gooey turbo Newbies. His original two goons are dancing around an area inbetween Drunk's and Newbie's mains. Imagine Flashdance, but
with goons. I suppose now would be a good time to end the chapter. Why, because I can.
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CHAPTER THE THIRD
Newbie's now in a bit of trouble. Drunk has
taken his natural, and is oogling the 3 o'clock main with a pair of hungry eyes. Also, he has not one
bit of anti-air. If 3 scouts came across his main, he'd be screwed.
So what does he do? You guessed it. More tanks and vultures. Ain't nothin' wrong with that.
 Remeber when I said that Newbie spider-mined his main? Well, he mined his entire main, including his
peon line. Which means he's not going to fare well when Drunk drops 4
zealots in the middle of it. Tasty.
 Newbie was kind of pissed off at this tactic, and decides to send some vultures on
an expansion hunt. Lo and behold, they find Drunk with a freshly warped
nexus, an idle gateway, and his pants around his ankles. Newbie's vultures
start doing what they do best, and start firing away at the nexus.
They keep firing.
And firing.
And firing.
And fire some more.
And finally, the shields were gone. This is going to take awhile. Obviously some sort of reinforcement
is going to come from Drunk? He HAS a gateway just 2 screens away from the
expansion. He's bound to help, right? Right?
Wrong.
Well, that was an expansion worth building. It's end chapter time! Because I say so!
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CHAPTER THE FOURTH
Drunk is obviously pissed off right now. His main is mined out, his natural
is the only source of income he's got, and he just lost his latest nexus to FOUR VULTURES. So what does
he do? That's right kids, he gives ol' DivvyO something somewhat collage worthy and storms the living
piss out of Newbie's SCVs at his natural.
Whee!
As you can see, the shuttle even escaped with the two templar that had Godknowshowmanykills (hey, they
were in a shuttle, I couldn't check them for kill count). Newbie, however,
feels that this is the last straw. The final hour. The anvil that broke the camel's back. So he sends in
his mass army of vultures and tanks that he has been building all game long over to Drunk's natural. He finds that Drunk has a nexus at
his mineral only. *SQUISH*, not anymore. It wasn't even woth a screenshot. With tanks at his front door
and mines surrounding them, AND no real forces to defend with (what? where'd they all go?) Drunk concedes the game and asks for a rematch.
WINNER
LuckyNewbie;P
(emoticons look weird in italics)
PEACE BITCHES ; D
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