… the lights dimmed. The audience stilled in anticipation of the evening premier of "War!" A murmur rippled through the crowd as the players appeared. In the southern spot, fate landed a command center and put GoofBall in charge. Peering
through the fog of war he could just barely make out his partners; GunsAndZealots warping in the north and Nestea spawning in the west.

Act 1

GunsAndZealots commanded a valiant probe to seek out the mysterious enemy. Slightly dinged up, it reported back three Protoss forces-- two bracketing GoofBall and one to the northeast. Realizing the outlook was grim, GoofBall quickly began a build up for spider mines, throwing down two factories with machine shops. GunsAndZealots and Nestea both expanded quickly realizing that they would not be able to help their pitiful partner very much in the case of an attack by the three evil opponents.

Just as spider mine research finished, the soundtrack changed abruptly from the Blue Bell Homemade Ice- cream theme to the Imperial March. Knowing that such a drastic music change meant action and intrigue, the audience leaned forward in their seats. GoofBall’s heart fell as his spider- mine laying vultures encountered a huge force of
zealots waddling into his base with dragoons stepping on their heels. Realizing his situation was desperate, GoofBall retreated his vultures and scattered spider mines around his outpost while a lone SCV began construction of a bunker. Guns and Nestea sent what they could, but their forces arrived only to find the smoldering ruins of what was once a thriving colony. The damaged, but still operable, command center was slowly floating west
to the undiscovered low ground, while a lone factory found its way to Nestea’s Zerg owned land.

Realizing that they had to make up for their partner’s incompetence, Guns and Nestea used their combined force of zerglings, hydras and zealots to attack the offensive white enemy in the southwest. Unfortunately their attack was thwarted, but not before they caused some lasting damage.

At this point the game was slightly off balance, but Terran has a unique ability to rebuild from scratch and cause some lasting pain. GoofBall set out to make the evil
Protoss team wish that they had eliminated him. He worked through the…

Intermission

…to create a strong economy so that…

Act 2

…would turn out a bit better than Act 1.

Instead of attacking with their remaining units in a desperate attempt to even the odds, Goof, Guns, and Nestea went into turbo expand mode with each of them securing at
least two more expansions. Nestea lost one, which prompted him to aggressive turtle. The audience was wowed by his super- sunken fortified expansions that dispatched many of the evil Protoss dragoons. Looking out into the audience, GoofBall noticed some old men sleeping and realized the game was slowing down. He set up two siege tanks on
Nestea’s ledge while Guns used an observer to spot for them. These were able to reach across and wreak havoc on the already hurting evil white Protoss player. Showing an honor that is unbecoming of evil players, white’s teammates retaliated by dropping reavers on one of GoofBall’s expansions, freeing it up for white to run to.

From here, the game turned into the crowd pleasing act of expansion slaughtering. The ooohs and aahhs increased in frequency and reached a peak when GoofBall nuked Red’s
pile of reavers and shuttles at his detectionless base, causing a great amount of vulgar language to spew forth from the Protoss mouthless face. The fighting increased to a fervor and the music picked up. There were two main fronts, one at Gun’s expansion and one at Nestea’s expansion. GoofBall’s battlecruisers and siege tanks were supporting Gun’s front, with the occasional irradiated templar thrown in for gore factor. The evil templar happy enemies were running themselves out of resources, spurred along by occasional nuking and mass hydra drops. The audience died laughing when one of
GoofBall’s nuking ghosts died to a mass of probes, needless to say he was rather embarrassed.

The tide finally began going in the right direction when mixed zerg, terran, and protoss forces began taking out expansions on the low ground. Feeling desperation, the
evil opponents began attacking in desperation only to have their reavers locked down, their dragoons stasised, and whatever was left crushed into the ground by hordes of
hydras. Slowly the mixed force of doom began advancing across the map causing the evil protoss players to realize they were evil and promise to get counseling if they could just be left alone. They tucked their tails between their legs and left the stage in search of another role in a different feature. The heroes valiantly went out on stage and bowed to the roaring audience. The old men woke up, the babies cried and there was much rejoicing because good had triumphed in the "Theatre of War!"