"i had oral sex with a baracuda"
..(Fox).. (stolen from lewis' qotm)
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| Do Sex. No, wait... | | | Author: | | | IP: | h24-77-2XXXX | | Date: | 01/31/01 11:01 | | Game Type: | Starcraft | | Labels: | none | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 1, Max: 7, Min: 7
Lifetime Rating for Fractal_Wave: 8.2537 |  | that's Deus Ex
Well, I was close. Deus Ex is a bloody amazing game from Warren Spector and Ion Storm Austin (you know, the team WITHOUT John "Daikatana" Romero). I've been playing it far too much of late, and I thought it'd be my soverign duty to share it with you.
This is a report in two parts. The first is a dramatization, almost a (dare i say it?) fan-fic (run away, scream and shout), along the classic praetor lines. I was going to do a blow by blow of how i did it, but im way too tired. working all night does that to a guy. enjoy kids.
Jock drops me off near the north end of the gas station. The station is on a cliff to my left, and i'm standing in valley looking at a few bums huddled around a fire to the south. I've got an hour to make it in and pull Savage's daughter out of the fire, so let's make friendly with the locals for a bit...
Jackpot. The fat guy named Fred gave me a key to that door that was bothering me earlier on, and Sandra Renton was there. Who knew? If I ever make it back to new york, I should tell her dad she's alive. Fred the fat also sold me an over priced accuracy mod. I'd use it on the sniper rifle but I only have three rounds left.
This is known as not being in top form.
So. I open the door that leads, as Fred said it would, to a sewer. Silent like a cat, I pad down to the ladder and clamber up.
Did I mention that if they see me, hear me, smell me, etc, they'll kill the hostage? This is not a good thing, people. Silent like mouse, drop people when no one else can see them, and hide them boides. Yeee-haw.
The ladder leads up a manhole to a makeshift enclosure that's used for storing garbage. There's a door, but more importantly there's a hole near the bottom. Much more sneaky. I like it. But wait? Doth me ears decieve me? Nay, there's a trooper coming along that wall. Oh happy day, O lucky man.
I reach into my coat / bag of tricks and pull out trick number two, the cattle/riot prod. Except with the amps illegally modded to make SURE the person you tag with it goes to dreamland or further.
Mr. Trooper Man comes wander past my hiding and I sneak out after him. He turns 90 degrees, almost catching me off guard, but I turn with him, and wait until he stops, move a little closer, aim for the back of the neck, catch the body as it falls, drag him back to the garbage shed. Oooh. He's even got a LAM (light attack munition. think grenade meets mine) on him. Fun for the whole family.
I bury the poor trooper under some garbage bags, then stand on the aforementioned bags to get a look around. I then promptly duck my head back down, because there's a commando walking patrol on the other side of the gas pumps. Lucky for me he didn't see his partener go down.
Commandos are walking, armored, augmented tanks. Two machine guns and two rocket launchers and a bad attitude. Time to use one of those sniper rounds.
I move to where I dropped the first guy, bring the rifle out and wait. Due to the amount of armor these guys have, the only sure kill is a shot to the face, ideally through the eye. He's within range. I stare through my scope at his head. He turns to face me. I see him lean forward to stare at me. I see him fall over backwards as my bullet takes him in the head.
Fast as can be while still being quiet, I grab his corpse (HEAVY!) and move it to a nice dark corner. Now then, the gas station itself.
I creep inside, and find a medkit, a sawed-off shotgun and some zyme bottles. The medkit makes its way into my coat; the shotgun and the drugs stay where they are.
And what have we hear? A grate to get to the roof? Outstaaaanding. I clamer up, making far too much noise but not enough to get any more than a twitch from the trooper who must be outside.
Ah, the fresh night air does a body good...especially when that body can see the trooper and two dogs on the ground to his left, and the commando to his right on patrol in front of the garage. Further to the south is another building, but there doesn't seem to be anyone in it. A tanker truck is just south of the garage, and I think I can see a commando on patrol south of it.
Fuck. This is gonna be ugly. There's a grate in the roof of the garage that looks like it's worth investigating. But I'll have to jump and make noise....cross them fingers kiddies. I turn on 'cat feet', say a prayer, and go, and SHIT a dog's barking. shitshitshitshitshitshitshit. Cat feet go off and i'm on my face on the roof of the garage doing my best to be inconspicuous.
Trooper: You hear anything?
Commando: Nothing. Shut those dogs up before I do.
Trooper: Ok, ok. jeez.
Trooper(under his breath): fucking tightassmechs
I wait for five minutes before moving to let them settle down. The grate on top of the garage is unlocked, and i conjure up my spyguy to look around for me.
...down the grate..
...shit, a man in black
...shit + 2, a trooper
...shit^5624562456245624562456, another trooper
...bingo, a cell.
I turn off my spy guy and think about this. three guys to kill, all silently. I'd gas them, but the man in black is immune, and he'd kill Tiffany. hrrmmrmrrm.
Allright, this is the way it's gonna go down.
I careeefully remove the grate, and get ready to draw ye old nano-sword of doom. Then, 'strength' goes on, followed by 'cloak' and 'cat feet'.
drop down the grate, draw the sword, take the man in black through the throat, turn off cat feet and chop the other guy's hands off, turn off cloak and SHIT MEN IN BLACK
~thwoom~
they explode when killed. Goddamn. I pick myself up from the floor, turn off strength and smile that the two troopers both died from the explosion. The alarm also went off. Goody. BuT Tiffany is still alive.
'Jock, land in the junkyard in 10 seconds'
'roger that'
I tell tiffany to follow me and keep her head down and here's a hand gun, ready, good let's go.
I slam the garage door open, and almost stick the barrel of my rifle down a commando's throat. We both stand there, stunned, and I get the drop.
"don't like dogs, hey?"
~bang~
Jock lands, and the commando by the tanker is justifiable stunned that a helicopter has just landed 3 feet away from him. He's even more stunned when my bullet takes him in the head. I drop my rifle (goddamn that's gonna be hard to replace), tell tiffany to run for it, whip out the assault rifle and spray the last remaining trooper and his two dogs with fire. Wisely, he takes cover and I take a trip in the helicopter.
Mission accompolised.
All the best,
Fractal_Wave
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