"The thing is, StarCraft > sex."
-WarLeaderJustin
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| Creep game? What the hell is a CREEP game? | | | Author: | | | IP: | proxy1.bXXXX | | Date: | 04/13/01 10:04 | | Game Type: | Starcraft | | Labels: | none | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 3, Max: 4, Min: 4
Lifetime Rating for BADKITTY!: 4.0000 |  | Important Note before we get started:
Starcraft is a game. It may serve some greater purpose for some people, but its primary purpose is to provide entertainment. As long as you are having fun, nothing you do is "stupid" or "gay." So anyone who says you shouldn't play bgh because it has too many minerals or it doesn't utilize the different types of terrain, or "it takes no skill" is absolutely right... But who gives a giant flailing rats tail!
With that said: THE SETTING
A friend I met playing starcraft and I are sick of winning over and over (as often happens when you host games with ppl you know against random opponents). So we decide to play a "theme" game. The game goes up "2v2 bgh".
My ally and I chose from our array of themes through whispers:
"Not all probe, we did that last time... Pylon rushing is getting old... Writing inflamitory messages with supply depots has been done to death, lets play a creep game!"
As that is settled we wait for our 2 opponents and start the game. For those of you who are not me or my friend, a creep game consists of seeing how much of the board you can cover in creep before being destroyed by your underburdened opponents. The idea is, if you can cover the whole map before they figure out that guardians will win it for them, you are master of pie hats and can dance and sing for hours without feeling unjustified in your merriment.
The starting positions are chosen, me in the top left, and my ally at mid right. We both send ovies and the fun begins. After a rediculously unprotected first 2 expansions each and plenty of sunken colonies uselessly spread out across our naturals, we see our first sign of the enemy. 12 zealots plow into my natural (top right) killing only 4 sunkens due to a total lack of skill on the attackers part.
"The jig's up, he see's we're going all sunken for sure." is the thought racing across both of our minds. meanwhile my ally is hit by 24 zerglings in an expansion which he loses. We can tell at this point that both our opponents are newbies by the way they handle their units (moving with move instead of attack move and sending piles of unupgraded lower level ground units to die by sunken without even a hint of a drop or air units.) Our advance across the board slowly continues, much to the dismay of our opponents who are now bickering without allied chat on about what units to make.
"I sayd make fucking hydras! If you'd make hydras we could get this over!"
"shutup! I'm getting mutas, they aren't attacking, they must be newbies"
"well, I'm going goon, if you can accompany me we can win this"
Not taking the game seriously, my ally and I continue to cover every inch of our expansions with creep (A surprisingly creep-colony-intensive activity on bgh, which is designed for maximum available land space because of the unlimited minerals.)
"Come on god dammit, they are going to make guardians! Come attack with me!"
Splat splat! I notice the blinking red at the top left as a large mass of enemy goons push through my top middle sunkens. To my surprise my protoss oponent spends all of his numerous goons killing sunken colonies arround the sides of the top middle that OBVIOUSLY are not protecting anything. He takes no interest in my hatchery and mining drones as his goons die 1 by 1 (making my favorite beeping noise when they die).
Realizing that our opponents are incapable of concious thought or making rational unit choices, I build a hatchery in the middle, right in the middle of the exit path of both opponents. It goes unnoticed long enough for my ally and I to send drones in from our 6 mining bases each and cover the middle of the map with sunkens and spore colonies.
Mutas enter my natural and start killing drones, but I have no units except drones and I can see the number at the top right of the screen dropping from 90 to 89 to 88 etc. My minerals are getting to such an ungodly number that I can't even pronounce it properly. I belive its something like "quadrabajillion."
My ally states the obvious:
"Dude, we've covered more than 75% and they still haven't done anything meaningful!"
my responce is simple: "All we've got left is their bases, I'll lead, you follow!"
So commenses the expansion of creep down the long path toward each of their bases.
The protos is still bitching at his ally, but his bitching scores a 10 for intensity and only a 1 for intelligence:
"MAKE FUCING HYDRAS! DO I HAVE TO WIN THIS BY MYSELF!?" <-- coming from the man who reapeatedly sends unupgraded zealots into piles and piles of sunkens without even a second thought to the concept of reavers or carriers.
So with 90 drones mining minerals and the push into their bases not going well due to the difficulty of building sunkens next to cannons, my ally and I get bored and decide to be a little bit more aggressive.
"DRONE DROP" comes the cry from my ally, and I dont need to be asked twice.
With more than 30 hatcheries, it takes no more than a minute to get 200 unit space worth of drones in the middle of the map. My ally does the same, and we load them all into overlords. The zerg player has guardians, but they can't seem to kill the ammassed spore colonies surrounding his base.
It's rediculously obvious to everyone involved that our opponents do not stand a chance of killing any large number of our structures do mainly to their incompitence. As 400 drones unload into the zerg players piles and piles of mutas and hydralisks, my ally and I both spring up as many hatcheries as we can fit in the middle and the sides of his base, and build dozens of sunkens right next to his sunkens.
A little known fact of starcraft: 400 drones can kill 20 sunkens and 20 hydras, even with mutas pounding on them. In fact, 400 is an unbelievably large number. I can't even count to 400. The drones we lose are replaced by our millions of hatcheries and the middle is soon teaming with quarelsome drones again, while our first sunkens and spores start popping up amidst the ruins of the zerg base.
Disgusted with his ally, himself, the game, his opponents, his chair, his keyboard, and just life in general, our protoss opponent types a final phrase and leaves the game. The zerg player is eliminated soon after.
As the victory screen pops up, the final letters of protest from our protos opponent fade from view...
"FUCKING HACKERS!!!". |
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