"Get a screenshot of this nuke"
-Johhny_Vegas
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| Gayest newbie ffa ever (resubmit) | | | Author: | | | IP: | AKCF2.xtXXXX | | Date: | 07/05/01 01:07 | | Game Type: | Starcraft | | Labels: | none | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 1, Max: 5, Min: 5
Lifetime Rating for Phukin Retard: 5.0000 |  | OK, this is going to be a text only report, for a couple of reasons: first, i can't be arsed to learn html, and second.. well actually thats about it for excuses. they'd suck anyway. save the hamster!
There i was, sifting through the endless BGH 7v1 COMP GOGO games, when i came along one that seemed semi-normal, called ffa bloodbath.
i joined, noticing the host had the mighty original name of qwertyuiu, then a couple of others joined, and he pressed the big shiny go button. boom.
I'll introduce the players first- Me(brown zerg), lone protester against the gayness of iradiate and how terran are far too powerful. Fairly average player imo.
qwertyuiu (blue zerg)- i didnt like this guy from the start, it turned out when we got into the game it was exactly the same as the original bloodbath, but each mineral spot was maxed out. I gave him some abuse for that and got ye olde "youre gay" line about 3 times. apart from that, he decides that blocks of sunkens are the supreme defense, and that he is somehow superior because he killed some of my drones.
orlando(yellow terran)- don't know much about this guy, he didnt last long anyway, although he kept ranting about how he was going to cleanse the filth from space or something. scary.
And finally, xxwasabixx(orange terran). this guy was fairly quiet, although acted like a puppet for blue in the later game. best of a bad bunch.
Well, i started off with the average 9 ovie, spawning pool, a few seconds ranting about how gay money maps are, then built a hatch near the ramp to provide creep for some sunkens later on.
yellow, after he done some ranting, went early gas, obviously planning tech, and built a rax for defense. he also, much like orange, built a late depot. he also lifted his rax up and hovered it around his cc for a little while.
blue went for pretty much the same build as me, then started to build a small blockade of sunkens near his base, and then an extractor after he had 4 colonies.
orange went early rax, waited till that had finished and then built a engineering bay( ultra bad micro i guess) and finally staryted a depot. Once that was underway he then built an academy, despite having no gas yet.
OK, on to the ACTUAL game.
I started massing a few lings around my recently constructed hatch until the creep had extended far enough to place some sunkens. orange and yellow started to pump marines, while blue went mass drones behind his gay-wall, i mean blockade. after looking at the replay, the 2 terrans seem a bit lost, with each having several scv's moping around their base doing absolutely jack.
blue sends a couple of scouting lings to my base, which are quickly dispatched, and starts up a evolution chamber and hydra den. yellow builds another command center near his "expansion" (whoopee 3 mineral patches) while orange smacks down a pair of bunkers, a factory, and starts his own gay-wall of turrets along the perimeter of his base. its around now i send a bunch of lings to check out my zerg neighbor, and promptly get my raped by his many sunkens. not only that, but i finally get an extractor.
blue has decided to upgrade to a lair, while i rebuild my ling squad. both the terrans have built multiple depots by now, while me and blue have been mixing the occasional ovie in. yellow (who is still ranting about cleansing the universe) finally gets a engineering bay and starts upgrading ye olde marine shell.
After building about 20 or so lings, i decide to go in search of terran meat, and find it opposite of my starting position on the form of the ranting yellow guy. i quickly tear down the academy he had recently constructed, followed by a half built factory. of course, due to the zerglings awesome ai, half of them decide to run single file at some nearby marines. wiped out. my remaining lings start hammering on the twinkling engineering bay, however his weapons are upgraded about 2 seconds before they can finish it off. he then sends his marines in (finally) and kills my lings who bravely tear down 2 of his marines before gining their lives for cerebrate Phukin_Retard.
Blue and Orange have not been simply sitting back during this, however: blue has made a small gang of hydras and is researching armor and lurker aspect, while orange has 2 factories and is going for siege tanks. I also, being the gosu macromaster, have not been idle- back at my base a fresh batch of lings have hatched, and are promplty sent off to finish the ranting yellow guy. they dispatch the 4 marines guarding the ramp and move on towards his depots, taking out several more marines. its about now that he stops ranting and starts swearing at me. my lings take offense to this, and call in some friends from home base to help finish the job. they easily take down his depots and rax, and the rest, they say, is history. he managed to fit in a few more vulgar words before leaving. nice to see that being a sore loser is a thing of the past.
unfortunately, on the way back home about half of my lings succembed to ranges shiny new siege tanks. he also had built an armory and was pumping goliaths and tanks out of his 2 factories, mr. blue zerg has also been a bit busy, with a few more hydras and several lurkers, while his gaywall of sunkens gets ever larger.
about now i realise that lings aren't going to be much use against the two remaining players, and quickly upgrade my hatchery to a lair. as soon as it morphs i start on ventral sacks in preparation for operation zergling suicide, in order to free up some supply. i also lay down a queens nest and another hatch. my adversaries seem to be doing very little, apart from telling me how much i suck and how much they will own me down (all i did was ask why the hell he chose a money map).
blue has gotten himself some mutas fairly quickly and also built another hatch, while orange finishes off his starport. i also decide that my operation is going to need an escort, and build 8 mutas.
operation zergling suicide makes its slow way to blues base, escorted by a gang of muties. unfortunately, i wasnt paying much attentio to this battle, and so my muties chargd into the enmy spore colonies, while ny lings got royally raped by the gaywall of sunkens and some nasty lurkers, while his muties come and harass my slowly fleeing ovies. during this, orange has extended his own gaywall around the edges of his base and is amassing a small army inside it. about now i started to get real bored with the immature insults and the incredibly simplistic map, and started to tell blue to hurry up and finish me. Fortunately, my newly hatched mutas kick his blue ass before he can do any serious damage.
I slowly start to pump muties (who the hell designs a map with no gas expansions) while the other 2 do pretty much nil.
a lot of talking went on around now, brown trying to convince orange to ally with him, and me laughing at both of them for sucking so much. after seeing both their gaywalls, i decided that guardians were the only way around it, and so slowly began to tech towards them.
a small while passes, ten i attack oranges wall with 2 guards and around 18 muties to defend them. however, he sends out a pack of cloaked wraiths and manages to destroy a guardian before my muties turn them into space junk. i whittle down his turrets, while blue launches a suprise attack, consistng of one mutie against my main base. i send a few of my own over to put an end to the threat, and start morphing several more guardians. orange decides that the best way to defend against this is to build more turrets, which i also destroy. about now my adversary builds a few valks, and uses them to try and entice my muties into his wall of gayness.
i take a bit of a break from destroying turrets and start to build up my army of muties, all the while trying to persuade blue to come and finish me off. he doesn't comply, so i send my army over to his base instead and start taking apart his gaywall. he sends his mutas in, i send mine in, and his smaller force is overwhelmed by gluve worms. however, he sends in a counterattack in the form of siz guardians against my undefended base, but are chased off after only killing one sunken. he then attacks once again, sending his guardians in near my mineral line. once again, my mutas engage, along with guardian support for the hydras defending his guardians. after i kill every last hydra and guardian, he starts screaming for orange to attack me. I attempt to convince orange that he doesn't have to listen to this raving newbie, but unfortunately he decides that homosexuality>heterosexuality, and attacks my undefended main with a large army of goliaths and marines. no medics for some reason, although he doesnt really need them.
With a sigh, i decide to finish off as much of blue as i could, and after a short pounding he is forced to surrender. as i try to negotiate with orange to ally with me, he says that while blue certainly was a jerk, and that he respected my skillz in trashing him and yellow, i also annoyed him (even though i said barely 3 words to him the entire game, up until he raped me in the ass) and so he wouldn't ally. *sigh*
Needless to say, he finished off my base. I could take some solace from the fact that i came out well ahead on the score chart, despite fighting against two guys who may as well have been allied ( i think orange killed one of blues scouting drones, thats about it).
Just remember kiddies, don't play money maps, they usually have crazy ppl talking about eradicating the scum, and complete jerks who think a block of sunkens is a decent defense.
BTW, you can d/l the replay of this game under the title of "gay newbies ffa", i find its much easier to follow a br if you are watching the replay at the same time.
comments ppl! |
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