Well, I'm sorry to disappoint, but this is not the long awaited Strifeshadow report that I promised everyone. Nor is it the game that I won against x'ds~grrr.... that you've all wanted to read about. Come to think of it, it isn't the sixteen player hacked version of starcraft LAN party FFA orgy that you've all been waiting for, and it's not even the poolside threesome that I saw on Cinemax last night. . . . like I said, sorry to disappoint.

Instead of any of those games, today we take a trip back in time, to a kinder, gentler, simpler age. Today we examine the roots of Starcraft, our common heritage as it were. We examine a game that is the logical predeccesor to Starcraft. A game to which all Starcraft players owe a great debt. A game that familiarized us to such SC concepts as the triunity of races, the choice of proper counters, and the rematch. Yes my friends, today we look at that most ancient and classic of battles. . .

It was a typical Tuesday night in channel sargent. In other words it was quiet, but not unduly so. I decided to get up and search around to see who was around, hoping for a matchup to report on. I was lucky enough to run across greencrayon as soon as I started looking.

"You want food?" he said.

"Well, maybe. . . who else is up?" I replied.

"Dunno." greencrayon replied with typical brevity.

"K, lemme go check with AlferdPacker and el_sux0r ."

Well, anyhow, el_sux0r was around and up for food, so we all congregated in the sargent hall. I thought that there still wouldn't be anything interesting to report on, but suddenely, as if by divine appointment, greencrayon and el_sux0r couldn't agree on what to order. "I'll join to report," I said, quickly ending any possibility of a 2v1 contest. greencrayon chose the savory Philly's Best, while el_sux0r chose the economical Papa John's. The battlefield chosen was the sargent hallway. Thus the stage was set for an epic contest.

For those unfamiliar with the map, its main features are a straight but narrow thouroughfare, white and teal walls, and ugly carpeting. el_sux0r chose the left-hand starting position leaving greencrayon to the righthand starting position. I was in the observer's spot.

Both players began with standard openings, extending their right hands outwards towards one another. Before anyone knew what had happened, greencrayon had paper, while el_sux0r still had rock. "Hey, I thought this was a no rush game!" exclaimed el_sux0r with indignation. Although it had been rather a quick game, it had been fair, and I, as impartial observer was forced to side with greencrayon. el_sux0r wanted a rematch though, and since I couldn't write a decent report on such a short game, I agreed that a rematch would be fair.

This time both players were prepared for the rush, and probably for that reason, neither player did rush. Instead, both followed with the generally recognized opening of two hits down, followed by their final choice of weapon. el_sux0r chose to raise his hand higher during the raise portion of the sequence, as you can see in this picture. Perhaps a surprising decision, it matched his personality, and indicated his desire to gain the psychological high ground in case of a drawn out struggle. greencrayon seemed content to relinquish the mostly symbolic higher position, perhaps hoping that the effort expended in raising his hand that high could be better spent deciding what weapon to chose.

Strangely, el_sux0r also extended himself to a lower position on the downstroke of the deployment. This meant that he was moving his hand about fifty percent more than greencrayon was doing at the same time. This disparity did not have any immediate noticable effects however, and the decision making phase of the game went on. I also took note that el_sux0r seemed to be moving from his shoulder, keeping his arm rigid, while greencrayon was bending at the elbow for each movement.

Unfortunately, I was too busy taking shots of greencrayon 's elbow to notice the beginning of both players deployments in the center. As it turned out, this didn't matter much, as their deployments mirrored each other. Two hands came down for a third time, and neither seemed to change its conformation. It seems that el_sux0r had chosen to deploy 'rock', and greencrayon was scrambling to find an effective counter. While a popular strategy against rock involves paper, greencrayon didn't seem to be making paper. I considered for a moment whether he would be trying to mimic the gosu tactics of the Yugoslavian RPS world champion, y'et~brrrr..., who managed to pull off a very risky scissors versus rock win in the semi-finals of the RPL world finals in Belgrade. It was not to be however, as greencrayon did not put his micro skills to the test, but rather chose the much more conservative 'rock' deployment. This effectively nullified el_sux0r 's inital choice, and forced the two contenders to choose again.

As both sides nursed their respective egos, they simultaneously deployed their hands in the middle, preparing for the next phase of the battle. As the up and down motions of their hands began, I noticed that once again el_sux0r had taken the higher position, while greencrayon remained content in his median position. This time, I kept my eyes fixed on their hands and fingers, expectant at what this new round would bring.

I was not disapointed, as what I next witnessed could be described as nothing less than a masterpiece of finger micro. Coming down on the third stroke, first el_sux0r 's and then greencrayon 's fingers began their outward movement. Although greencrayon started his movement a split second after el_sux0r , through skillfull use of tendon strength was able to extend them to the same distance in a shorter time. With a practiced grace, el_sux0r 's index and middle fingers seperated as they extended from his hand. Simultaneously, greencrayon formed a "V" shape with his first two digits. Both players managed to pull off their scissors deployment without error, and neither player was able to gain an advantage.

At this point, el_sux0r made an unexpected move. Stepping back and away from greencrayon , he turned, placed both of his palms against the wall, and exhaled. Seemingly unperturbed by this unusual tactic, greencrayon held his ground, gazing unflinchingly towards his opponent's new deployment. At this moment I was about to say "WTF", but I restrained myself, not wanting my observer status to interfere with the gameplay of either contender. It was a good thing too, as el_sux0r 's ploy soon became obvious. Mumbling to himself and gesticulating towards the wall, it seemed that he was in fact trying to divine what greencrayon 's next move would be. Pausing at such a cruicial moment could have been looked upon as poor sportsmanship, but greencrayon remained calm, and did not try to unpause the game. Presently el_sux0r turned around, and once again put forward his fist.

Despite his most recent strategem, el_sux0r had not yet gained any visible advantage. In fact, both players seemed to be in equally strong positions. Both had managed to maintain the flexibility to be able to choose any of the three available tactics during the upcoming struggle. If either commander was uncertain of his position, they did not show it.

The commanders lined up their fists once more in the middle of field. This time greencrayon took a slightly higher stop on his upward motion, as el_sux0r mirrored his upward motion. As both fists began their downward motion, they paralleled one another perfectly. greencrayon continued his movement from the elbow, while el_sux0r stuck to his shoulder intensive movements. With perfect synchronation, el_sux0r and greencrayon moved up a and down a second time, and continued to mirror one another as their hands started up for the third and last time. As both players brought their fists down, it appeared as if both of them were opening. Having already witnessed a rock-rock matchup and a scissors-scissors confrontation, I looked expectantly for a fierce paper-paper battle. However, by mid opening, it became apparent that while greencrayon was moving all of his fingers, el_sux0r seemed to be content moving only his index and middle fingers. Suddenly the balance had shifted dramatically. As greencrayon proceeded to rotate his fingers over ninety degrees to complete his paper deployment, el_sux0r kept his fingers in their vertical conformation, and began to seperate his index and middle fingers. He had sucessfully chosen scissors.

Seeing his now hopeless situation, greencrayon capitulated, saying "good game". However, he was not content with his loss, and insisted on playing a third game to make the decision "best of three". el_sux0r agreed, while I was amenable to having another game to report on. This contest was unworthy of the previous game however, as greencrayon made a second quick rush to paper, meeting el_sux0r 's weak early game rock defense. Goodgames were again exchanged nonetheless, and cheesesteaks were ordered. The final score was greencrayon 2, el_sux0r 1, with the elapsed game time somewhere in the neighborhood of four minutes.

What can be taken away from this set of games? Well first of all, greencrayon did a good job of highlighting the weakness of rock to an early paper rush, if the rush is conducted with cunning and speed. While most experienced players admittedly don't allow themselves to fall to that type of gambit too often, it's still something that one needs to be mindful of. Secondly, we see the futility of insisting on a paper deployment in the face of scissors. While a lot of young players insist on the superiority of paper in all siuations, this matchup shows that against an opponent with even a degree of competence, paper gets cut up by scissors. Be happy whenever you encounter a player who chooses paper against scissors, you should be able to win every time. Finally, we witnessed how a scissors-scissors matchup can rapidly degenerate into a stalemate. When greencrayon and el_sux0r both chose he scissors deployment, neither player was able to make any headway, and both were forced to redeploy. In the face of an agressive scissors attack, one is best advised to pursue a "rock" deployment, which can smash even the strongest scissors assault. Again, remember not to attempt a paper deployment, no matter how tempting.

Well, that is all for this battle report my faithful readership. Stay tuned next time for a fascinating RPS ffa game.

Credits: Many thanks to el_sux0r and greencrayon for allowing me them to publicize their game. Thanks to the guys who walked past us in the hall who wondered why I was taking pictures of two guys playing rock paper scissors. Thanks is also due to Woozy02 and AlferdPacker for their editing skills.