Excessively long introduction

Hello and welcome, to my first battle report. First in the physical sense, in my world I have risen to the top of battle reporting and people worship me. Um...sorry, don't worry I'm taking pills...lots of pills.

Anyway, back to the story. About two years ago, something in my head went ding. Some say I finally had snapped, others think that the popcorn had finished, however I knew the ugly truth. It was my brain telling me to write a report. Unfortunately it was assassinated by a rouge clown and so the idea, for the moment, was lost.

The present, today, this very moment, the idea rendered its ugly head. (Actually it was last week but who wants to ruin the mood.) And so I went into the woods and started my quest, to find a game worthy of a report. Searching through my vast quantity of replays I found a replay worthy of a report, the battle of Tsunami vs [GG8]Sven@abs.

So it began, the map, FASTEST SUPER TERRIFIC MEGA ULTRA MUCHO MUCHO BIG GAME MONEY MAP. Um...actually it's The Lost Temple but it's almost as bad.

On the left corner, the man, the legend, Tsunami. He is the master of micro management and I believe that his zerg vs terran match ups are the best. (I also believe that kangaroos try to steal my pant so take it with mustard.) His opponent, coming all the way from his computer is Sven. He is featured in a few of Tsunami's replays and his terran is pretty strong, so expect a good battle.

To start the proceeding I have with me a midget in a tuxedo. Lets see what he has to say.

FUCK OFF.

Ok that was nice, lets just start shall we.

Tsunami goes 9 overlord, 11 hatchery, 11 spawning pool while getting gas. He then gets a lair and hydra den, obviously going for lurkers. Sven goes 10 supply, 11 barracks, 13 refinery, 14 Engineering bay and then a second barracks. He then decides that a bit of recon is needed and so he sends out Deons second cousin forest. (Twice removed)

Forest, is a spiffy little critter and manages to do two full passes before dieing.

Sven then proceeds to get an academy and comsat, all the while producing M&M&F. Tsunami orders a shipment of baboon hearts so that the transformation from hydralisk to lurker can begin. He then feeds the hearts to four hydralisks and they proceed to withdraw from the world into a small cocoon. He also expands to his natural, as apposed to expanding to Sven's natural which just would be stupid.

Ladies and gentlemen hold on to your pants for its Action Time.

That's right kiddies, Sven, deciding action speak louder that proverbs...goes off into the great unknown with a gaggle of cousins and crossbred freaks. This of course met up with the other group of mutated druggies from Tsunamis base, but you see Tsunami is smarter than the average 12 year old and put his lurkers on hold. This, as you can see led to sexy results.

All becomes quiet on the playing field...but wait what's this, sensors indicate that a crazy scv is trying to scout Tsunami. Tsunami will have none of that and sends a full control group of zerglings after it. *Note: - We hear that as a child, Tsunami had a bad experience with rouge scouts and has always hated them since.

With the scv dead Tsunami could breath a sigh of relief. Sven on the other hand, preparing for an expansion, sets up a defence that would make a grown man cry. His gosuness only is exceed by my flatulence.

Sven has teching to all powerful science vessels. He has also started tank production while getting siege for the aforementioned tanks. Tsunami has gotten himself a couple of evolution chambers and a spire, with the intention of scourging the vessel to death. He also gets a queens nest then immediately after a hive. Tsunami, king of coolness gets three queens for the dreaded dark-swarm. Ok...Ok...the dreaded spawn broodling, Geesh, you guys are picky

Lets get ready to rumble.

Here we go, mid game, the centre of something, and Sven doesn't take it lying down. He does what just about every terran does vs zerg, The Big Bad Wolf move. This move for you people who don't know it is get your army and knock on the door of the zergs (little granny) main base. Everybody start singing or I'll send someone round.

Now what usually happens here is the zerg player sending everything he has to take out the president of Chile. This usually fails so his secondary target is the mass of marines coming to say hello. Tsunami, however, is not your average player. As soon as he sees the friendly neighbourhood head bashes coming he sends his scourges to destroy the science vessel. He then gets two lurker to kill the tank and sends two control groups of zerglings to intercept any reinforcements.

Sven, realising that he cannot do any more damage with out a tank or science vessel retreats his troops. Tsunami moves his zerglings out of the way and starts moving drones to his expansion at the 6 o'clock main. Sven gathers up two tanks and goes back on the offensive. Tsunami seeing this sends his zerglings into Sven's natural expansion but meets up with a bunch of carnies. These carnies don't like the interruption one bit and so roast the zerglings for super.

Sven, revelling in his moment of victory, does the macarina. He quickly finishes up and attacks with the force of doom. Unfortunately, Tsunami is just too good and broodlings those suckers into the next century. Sven, realising that he has hit a brick wall scouts Tsunami's 6 O'clock expansion and sends 10^(Tmacs gayness) worth of M&M&F&P. (P = Pineapple.) Tsunami puts up a vigilant fight but unfortunately goes down harder than a catholic priest in a boy's locker room.

Mid game update, brought to you by Smock. When your lonely at night and need a cuddle, there's Smock. When your hungry and thirsty but can't pay for food, there's Smock. So if you don't have a Smock, buy one or the bunny gets it.

Anyway...both of the players expand to their respective mineral only expansions. Sven send his victory troops into the middle while Tsunami, with the money that he has been whoring, builds up a sizeable force of zerglings at power level two, or for those that don't follow the telly tubbies, ultralisks.

Tsunami takes the incentive and sends the zerglings/ultra/lurker combo and takes out most of Sven's force that was in the centre.

Ok, so Tsunami can now feel a bit more relaxed and goes on a random killing spree. Scourging vessels, broodling tanks and double expanding to the 6 O'clock main and natural. Sven on the other hand rebuilds his forces while expanding to the 3 O'clock main and natural. Tsunami starts parasitising science vessels for scourges to kill, the same way a laser targeter might light up a target for a Bin laden tipped missile.

Now comes the true power of Tsunami. His hard work comes to fruition and he lines up control groups of zerglings, ultralisks and lurkers. This is backed up by some queens and scourges. The shit hits the proverbial fan as this mountain of meat slams into Sven's 3 O'clock mineral only expansion. This as you will see was taken out easily but the masterstroke came as Tsunami sends in the scourges to reduce Sven's floating command centre to below 750 hit points, this in turn is infested and floated away.

To add insult to injury, Tsunami then drops Sven's main with two overlords filled with zerglings. They then proceed to destroy some random buildings including Sven's science facility. Sven has been a busy little racoon and builds five factories at the 3 O'clock main. Tsunami, deciding to be cute sends an overlord filled with zerglings to the 3 O'clock main. This however is smack down harder than a gibroni at The Rock's house.

Tsunami then sends a small detachment of zerglings and lurkers the 3 O'clock natural. He takes out the cliff tanks with broodlings and hit the marine wall. Unfortunately this skirmish is repulsed but then out of nowhere Tsunami does the unthinkable. That right foolish human, he does an infested terran drop into Sven's 3 O'clock peon line. This of course is what makes this a fun day to be an observer.

Only one SCV was left and Tsunami got my thumb of approval. Sven starts to consolidate his forces just as Tsunami strikes again, this time at his main. With liberal use of dark swarm Sven's forces get overrun by zerglings and ultras. This pushes all the way up until it reaches the top of the ramp and stops dead in its tracks. It's now Sven's turn to go on the offensive and send a huge amount of tanks to Tsunami 6 O'clock mineral only expansion. Tsunami try's diverting Sven's attention by sending ultralisks to his 3 O'clock main but his attack gets repulsed.

Ultralisks, zerglings and infested terrans are sent to stop the tanks but when the dust settles over half the tanks still remain. Tsunami, realising that the tanks pose a serious threat, sends wave after wave of zerglings into them while simultaneously broodling them and taking out Sven's 3 O'clock min only expansion for the second time. This of course shows multi-tasking at its finest.

Sven now reveals his ultimate plan but sending reinforcements consisting of tanks and firebats. This does much better against the zerglings but it does not fair well against ultralisks. Sven pulls his forces back to the 3 O'clock main while Tsunami gets his expansion on the bottom right island up and running.

Tsunami now realising that most of Sven's forces are at 3 drops Sven main with a lot of stuff. The stuff, which consist of zerglings and ultralisks start to take out half of his base but then Sven does something which you kiddies should always do, he takes his small force tat was stationed there and makes over half of Tsunami force to follow them, all the way down his ramp and into the arms of the reinforcement. This move saved half of his base from destruction but also left his 3 O' clock main open for Tsunami to attack. And attack he does with wave upon wave of zerglings.

Sven pulls back his forces but it's too late as Tsunami rolls in with everything he has, including six guardians. Seeing this and realising that he has no anti air Sven concedes this great battle.

Here are the stats for you, you filthy stink child:

And here is a link to the replay:

Now that my reports is over I'd like to ask you people what you think, well come on what do you think. Anyway I have to plug http://www.backgroundcity.com for this beautiful background and thanks to JV for producing this magnificent site that lets a guy like me sponge off of it for over two years.

You've all been had; Gojky has done this.