Psychochild: Welcome one and all to the StarCraft National Association! I, psychochild, will be commenting on tonight's game, with my good friend who never played the game before in his life, Omen! He's promised not to make too much of a commotion tonight, but I wouldn't garuntee it....

Omen: WOAH! What the hell is that?!

Psychochild:...That's the load screen.... Anyhoo, Tonight's match-up will be a very special presentation of love, war, and a Pubbie Terran Versus Zerg. Our Compeitors are approaching the arena, and taking their seats. May I remind you that JPG doesn't show up on my comp when submitting reports, so either it shows up or doesn't. It AIN'T a broken link because broken links have red X's, this just has alot of small shapes in the window. Just had to say that.

Omen: The Terran Commander, standing in the brown duds is of course, the one, the only, Hurtntime. Hurtntime is known well for his Terran skills and race know-how. Plus the 1300+/349/69 Record is quite intimidating as well. Lebby, a friend of Hurt, told us before the game that Hurt's only race he ever plays is the Terran, and that was good enough to put everything I own on this game.

Psychochild: What do ya mean? You don't own...Where the hell's my car?

Omen:........Lets get on with the introductions!

Psycho: ...You didn't.

Omen: I did.

Psycho: Last time I use you in a BR....

Omen: After the game man. We have to finish this first..

Psychochild: (Sigh).....The opposing commander is Xael. Xael, unlike Hurt, randomed and ended up with the vicious Zerg, bearing the Red Skin. I have never seen this guy yet, or had the pleasure to talk to him. He seems to have a good head on his shoulders, and will prove himself once more in this game. The Countdown is beginning...

The Game
Psychochild: Yes people, today, even more blood will be spilled upon the holy grounds that is the Lost Temple. Hurt arrives at the 6 with his spiffy Command Center in tow, while Xeal starts in the 3 with his newfound hatchery.

Omen: Lets see...(Flips through instruction manual) The..Drones move out to the mineral patches perfectly, while the (Flips pages) SCVs also start off quite spoony I might add! Hurt starts a standard wall-in, with a Depot at 8, rax at 10, refinery near 11, and the last depot at 14, with the first marine started at 15. The wall-in finishes earlier than the initial build of Xael. Xael did an 11/9 hatchery to the 3 Nat, and a spawning pool soon thereafter. What's this?

Psychochild:A Brave SCV has scouted the map, and found the Zerg force on the first attempt!

Omen: (coughMAPHACKcough)

Psychochild: Quiet you! Steve the SCV saw quite a bit, including a morphing extractor and a finished spawning pool. The SCV also warns of a drone approaching the 3 Nat. But seeing as Stevie wanted to haul ass outta there before his ankles are chewed off by those damn little mutant dog freaks that they call "Zerglings," I'd miss the 3 Nat, and the already nearly finished expansion And..Oh, there goes the secrecy of the zerg expansion! The SCV did a small return trip and found that the Hatchery had already finished! The Spoony bard proceeds to use power of his Swiss army knife...errr... "Fushion Cutters" To try and take down the hatchery. A newly spawned egg warns our Courageous friend, and he turns to ...Go up the damn ramp!

Omen: Out of the oven into the den of lions. Idiot. Gee, why don't you just give the Murderer the gun why don't ya! I mean, how stupid can an SCV be?! Really...
The eggs hatch, revealing two of the ugliest freaks I've seen this side of The Far Side, and they are barely been alive for 5 seconds before they see the SCV, and they're off! They grow up so fast...(Sniff)

Psychochild: Don't get all Motherly on me now...For the love of god you damn thing RUN! Another ling joins the chase, and pursues the SCV! Run your Spacesuit ass! Fortunately (Is that a good word to use?) the lings split up, 2 heading to the 12 and 9 to search for the Terran, and the last one gaining on metal ass over there.

Omen: 40 yards, 30 yards, 20 yards, 10 yards! And he makes it! Great SCV maneuvering there hurt. The ling takes one look at the wall-in, complete with 3 marines, and takes off, and returns! And takes off, and returns! While this Ling is running sprints over there, lets see what's been happening in the bases. You gotta admire that wall-in. Simple yet effective...

Psychochild: An academy has finished in the Southern base, and instantly started Stimpack. Also, Two barracks are in progress. Hurt's deinately going to go with the power of doped up infantry! And also worth mentioning is that in Xael's base, a liar is going up.

Omen: The quick rush to a liar WITHOUT a Hydralisk Den, says two things. One, he plans to drop, or two, Muta Rush anyone?

Psychochild: Quite so, Omen! With such extrordinary players, we'll need someone who thinks like them, acts like them, smells like them....etc. Joining us today in the skybox is Lebby, once a big-time Starcraft player, now a big- time loser! Greetings Lebby!

Lebby: Hey, don't make me pistol-whip you.

Psychochild: .............So what do you think of the game so far?

Lebby: Well, it looks like hurt plans to go on Offense quite soon. I wouldn't be surprised now if he got an engineering bay and upgraded attack right now! I prefer a defense set-up against Zerg for those damn Lurks, myself. Infact, lurkers are a very cheap units vs. Terran under dark swarm. They don't even suffer splash damage under there!

Psychochild: Yeah, yeah whatever. We're already at a damn page and a half just from doing the scouting adventure, so sit down, shut up, and let us do our jo- (TWACK) DEAR GOD! THAT STINGS! Awwwhhhh! Mutha (Bleep)er s(Bleep) f(Bleep)!

Lebby: I told you I'd do it. You just couldn't listen...(Thwack!)

Omen: While my colleague is getting a severe ass-whoopin, on the business end of a pistol, lets take a look at Hurt! Hurt's Barracks have finished, and a steady supply of two marines to a medic slowly start to pile up. Stimpack finished a bit earlier, and now range is finally being researched. Xael is starting an Evolution chamber and spire! Can you say Muta/Ling assault? Hurt is now on the move, with 9 marines, 2 medics, and a firebat heading on to the East side of the Temple. The only thing there though is 9 lings, which is NOTHING to the awesome power of those crackheads! ...wait.... I didn't see it before... That spire mentioned earlier had FINISHED. That's right folks! Instantly, 3 eggs appear under the good ol' hatchery. Looks like the zerg will kick some ass tonight!

Psychochild: Ugh....Dear god that hurt... Well, regardless, the Marines and medics walk up the ramp, trying to avoid the lings hanging around in the 3 Nat, but lost a few of their number to them. The squad just run right up to the base and start picking off drones. The masterful tactitian Xael manuovers his drones around the gunfire to a corner of the base. The Mutas finally hatch from their cramped quarters and..float there. So exciting. The marines, tempting fate as always, stimpack, trying to take out the spawning pool. Xael finally remembers his mutas hatched earlier, and sends them mooseying over along with lings, probably distracted by those dirty web sites.

Omen: The judge is warning Xael to turn that smut off, because the traffic of those overloaded servers are slowing down the game, putting too much stress on the Connection. Psychochild would know, wouldn't you?

Psychochild: ..... This game is quite difficult to comment on, because Hurt as always doing something else, and Omen is being quite vicious tonight. Someone needs a happy pill...

after the mutas attacked the Marines, contact with them was lost permenately, and assumed dead.Hurt morned them with a heavy heart, and several shots of hard liquor later, Hurt decided not to let those marines just die in vain. Hurt started an expansion at the 6 Nat, finished an engineering bay, began research for weapon upgrades....

Lebby: HAH! Told ya!

Psychochild: .....initiated some turrents, established a factory and starport, and last a barrack, all while nursing his hangover! Dear god that took awhile. But...Where the hell did the mutas go?

Omen: Whatcha mean?

Psychochild: There were 3 mutas already hatched and two nearly there! Now the mutas are all.. well, there they are. From the Northwest corner 5 mutas come a knocking! Due to excellent planning (Or a lucky guess), a small armada of the Marines were there in time to sto...

Omen: Maphack.

Psychochild: SHUDDAP! As I was saying, a small armada of Marines were there in time to stop any sneak attacks. The Mutas, outnumbered and under VERY heavy fire, try to fly to the peon line, just to find some missile turrents there. Damn, it just ain't Xael's Luck today.. Those mutas pull-back a sec, and then loop back around to attack the depots at the wall in. Lings apparate out of almost nowhere, to make a small diversion for the swooping Mutalisks. A naked expansion catches the eye of the zerg. Before the lings harassed the marines, they saw the SCV, and took it out, leaving the expansion unfinished, undefended, and .....un.....Something or other. Marines being the way they are, get on the dope train and hail as to save their expansion!

Omen: Woah, luck be a lady Tonight! The mutas pull back from their assault.... And once again loop back with a larger force than before. Lings and mutas, mutas and lings, this guy has awesome Muta control. Those 4 mutas have lasted this long, and two are untouched(The rest about 50% health)! Marines and mutas clash, in a bloodstorm that last for about...30 seconds. Xael pulls those mutas right back to which the briny hell pit they came from. Basically the Zerg base, but lets not get picky with the details.

Psychochild: Yes indeed, details are hell. Thats why Psychochild reports are so incredibly vague! WHOO! Them Shrimpian bastard mutas don't know what they're in for..

Omen: hehehehe. "Shrimpian." Who the hell think that flying shrimp are very threatening anyways? I mean, what, was Long John Silver sitting on Nuclear waste? Is this the most potential DNA strand for the Overmind? Or is it some sort of mutated seafood Buffet? You make the call!

Lebby: :.......My foot fell asleep.

Psychochild: ...The game Omen?

Omen: Oh yeah.. A small little thing I'd like to say. Xael is a sneaky dog. He set up an extension at the northern Natural.... Hey Psychochild: , I bet you can't hit a hydra from here. Toss a loogie right over the railing. I dare ya!

Psychochild: (Hawks, spits) Hey! I got him! ... Oh my god! While Omen: was rambling about Red Lobster or whatever, Xael started massing forces infront of Hurt's Base. This Temporary "Containment" was a fairly large force of lings (Although nothing some M&M can't handle) and them same 5 damn mutas that have been plaguing Hurt since they first came online, about 4 minutes. You'd think they'd....Wait. Once again I stand corrected...(Omen: Big Surprise......) The mutalisks leave the containment and dash over to the Zerg base for some good fashioned Reinforcement. Five new Mutalisks meet up with the original fleet. Ten mutas by theseleves can't do much damage, but seeing as how this guy's been playing...

Omen: Are you men or shrimp!? That is what we asked Starcraft Patrons today...

Psychochild: Cripes Omen. No more shrimp jokes...

Omen: .......Fine. Mutas move out, and engage the enemy from the Southern Mineral Peon line. It wasn't exactly beautiful either. Xael is putting all of his concentration right on this att--Damn! Before the Bombing of the 6th seriously gets underway, "Your Base is Under Attack" Roars through the 8 or so Surround Sound speakers, thanks to gracious donations from Blizzard themselves. Right Psychochild?

Psychochild:Thats right Omen. When you don't get what you want, bust some Kneecaps! My father was a wise wise man. Sure, he worked for the Mafia, but haven't all of us at one time or another..... Ooooh! Remix! Buh duh duh duh duh da......

Lebby: Hurt will prevail on this one...

Psychochild: Dammit! You're STILL here?!

Lebby: (THWACK) Don't get snappy. Hurt will prevail on this one. He's obtained such a Huge force. A large infantry vs. nothing at the Zerg's base is freaking game! Xael will have to give Hurt some breathing room if he wants his precious base to still be around in about 2 minutes..

Psychochild: And right he is, for the little S.O.B. that he...(THWACK, Thump)

Omen: (Looks down at the ground, coughs nervously and takes the mike)Well look at that. Just as Lebby predicted, the lings and mutas instantly let off the pressure. Although Hurt lost all his men, he still was the real winner of this match-up. Almost all of the lings and a few of the mutas mentioned earlier are DEAD. Damn right! DEAD! Now we can probably move on a bit before me and Psychochild have anything else to say...

Psychochild: Who can tell in this world of lies, deceit, starcraft and crappy .99 cent wine?

Omen :....Why, yes. Whatever. Plus we're both lazy. Whatever gets ya through the night. And our little break is over. From the Starport, Two Psychochild's Belly contest...) was thriving. Before the hatchery even meet yellow HP, Mutalisks came by, and started picking Them off. Too late though. The hatchery exploded, to the expensive, untimely death of the marines and bats.

Psychochild: We will remember you forever Company D.. God Bless... (Plays "Bodies" over his new speakers)

Omen: Stop showing off the damn speakers!

Psychochild: But....but... What's the point of having them if you can't show them off?!

Omen: You should have thought of that first. Ahhh! Good god! Its the attack of the killer crabs all over again! Spare me Satan, for I have so much left in life to do....

Psychochild: .......Guardian assault. Over the South cliff. 4 of 'em. Medics do their little "Red Cross" Of blood, SCVs explode. Irradiate is once again proven to be Guardian's main bitch. 3 Die to one casting. Stray is picked off by marines. Questions? No? Good.

Omen: Now you're just being grumpy..

Lebby: Well, this assault says to me, "Look what I got." It just seems like he's toying with Hurt, and is using this just to show that he's reached the ability to get any tech he freakin desires.

Omen: Hurt has quite a bit of cash. Enough cash, in fact to start 3 CC's, two at the 6 Mineral, and one to the 9 Main.... WTF?! During the whining of Psychochild: here, Xael's main Hive was destroyed, along with a hatchery! It was probably a marine drop, but I wish I could see it..

Another Hatch though is started at the Northern Mineral, as well as a Liar at the 12 Nat. Xael, believe it or not folks, is changing Techs! Previously having favoring the Air of the zerg, he's gone all the way back to ground units. Thats right, baby. Hydras, Lings, and Defilers, the bitch of the Terran.

Psychochild: Oh Holy Spoon! Xael plans to play the weakness of the Terran! Mainly, Dark swarmed Lurkers! And as I look at the Hydralisk Den, I see the all too familiar symbol. oh yeah, I know I good. Xael is pushing to win the game, but the obvious weakness of Mid-Late game strength is starting to change the tide. Several small schirimishes are happening near the South Mineral, but nothing quite large, sans the death of 3 Guardians via the Irradiate spell, and an attempt to take out many a Science Vessel.

Lebby: Ownage.

Omen: GACK! Xael tries to intimidate our Terran Hero, and breadwinner, by the by, with the demonstration of his Defilers! Which frankly, ended up in ownage for the showing off bastard. Imagine 27 postal workers. Imagine 27 DERANGED postal workers. Give them machine guns, and you got the entire razing of the East Mineral. 27 Marines way waste to the Disgusting building with relative ease, and head to the 12 Nat, where a fully operational base is mining. The marines ran right in, concentrating fire evenly among the drones, and really get quite a bit of damage. Unfortunately for Hurt however, Xael's been a'massin Lurkers and hydras to go up against the terran. They came up right behind the poor bastards, and no escape was possible for them. The lurkers burrow under the dirt and unleash their Spines right through the marine's bodies. The Marines died with honor and lots of blood. Just blood... This game is SUCH a gypt. WHERE ARE THE ORGANS?! WHERE?! When my Marines are ripped to shreds I wanna see intestine! Lazy programmers..

Lebby: Uh oh. 18 Hydras, 10 Lurkers, and god knows how many damn Lings run head first into Hurt's Tank Push. Ok, it wasn't anymore a tank push than 5 tanks and a few marines. Hurt ain't planning to change techs or anything yet. He still has only one factory.

Omen: God damn this is gonna get good! After the lurkers disposed of the tanks earlier, the zerg force grow larger in the center of the map, joined with those damned Defilers! Xael tests the Defense at the South Mineral, sending in a hydra, and yet, another. Then, as if Hoover Damn Burst, the entire army! The bastard even does another attack at the 3 Mineral, but of a much smaller magnitude. The poor guys couldn't even get past the Firebats and tanks standing there, rest their souls...

Lebby: Xael is suffering now. Earlier he was running off of 5 Mining sites, Now reduced to 2, due to mining out the main and 3 Nat, and the loss of his precious 3 Min. He barely has enough cash to hold out.

Psychochild: Aw Crap... Xael, learning from the past two assaults that entrance through the 9 mineral was pretty hard, attempts a hard drop on the West Platoe, and pulls it off quite well! But, that's because Hurt didn't put an effort to actually SAVE it. in fact, his 4 barracks weren't even producing any units. He did send some units, but he seemed to not put in much effort, and just left them there. Hurt did have about 10,000 minerals about now. He could easily restart, or have enough supply to make an army. He's about 190 now.

Omen: Oh god. Psychochild, look over at the 12!

Psychochild: I see it..WHat about it?

Omen: Against the Mini-Map, one would see just purple creep and the Red blobs that make up Xael's base. Look again, you'll notice the blobs are disapearing, and once again give a long hard look to see Brown dots running eradicaly over the Creep!

Psychochild: Good god! At that exact time of Xael's drop, Hurt sent a huge army of MM&SV to the North side of the temple, and are proceding to blast apart what is Xael's base! There is nothing he can do here folks! Xael's too late. The base had fallen before the hydras got there. Those Marines were seriously hurt though, and Hurt takes the time to plot his next move, but only for a second.

Omen: OK, Xael's expansion and Hurt's expansion have just been destroyed. I wouldn't point this out, but I might as well, since this is VERY important to the game. The game had only seen about 5 seconds of time before a long brown line catches my eye. A very LONG line. Look closer, and you can see it turn to the Eastern Base. Look even closer, and you'll see a VERY long line of Medics, tanks, Marines, and Science Vessels going for the East Plateu. Good Damn! The carnage! And what a better time to attack. Xael's drop was basically the last of the Zerg Offensive, and with that said, NOTHING can stop the resulting Blood Bath. With nothing to work with, and That Comme Terran Bastard (T.C.T.B) knee-deep into the creep already, Xael resides and withdraws! WOO NELLY!! God Bless Indian Reservation Gaming! Oh, and Psychochild: gets his car back. Big whoop.

Psycho: Damn right. And if you bet anything of mine again, I swear I'll break your little wooden legs and use them to hold up my desk. Its been wobbily lately.

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Psychochild: I'd like to thank all off you who read this report. This style of reporting has been done, but recently I discovered after writing the first draft, that Dresfab has done a similar report called Monday Night Starcraft. To dedicate this to him would be an insult, for this sucks quite so, but I'd just like to say, "Encore!" All of the pics are in JPEG, (Thanks whoever recommended InfanView) and even if they don't load, I wrote this BR to not rely on pictures, but by the 3 commentators. Oh, and Omen has something he'd like to say...

Omen:
*Music starts up*

Many, many years ago
When I was twenty three
I got married to a widow
Pretty as could be.

This widow had a grown up daughter
With flowing hair of red,
My father fell in love with her
And soon the two were wed.

This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
Now my daughter was my mother,
For she was my father's wife.

To complicate the matters worse
Although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.

My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad,
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad.

For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown up daughter,
Who of course was my step-mother.

Father's wife then had a son
Who kept them on the run,
And he became my grandson
For he was my daughter's son.

My wife is now my mother's mother
And it makes me blue.
Because although she is my wife,
She's now my grandma too.

If my wife is my grandmother,
Then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it
It simply drives me wild.

For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw,
As the husband of my grandmother,
...I AM MY OWN GRANDPAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!


The Psychochild Rides Again!!