"I bought these damn battle cruiser's and I am going to use them!"
-Johnny_Vegas
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| Why I Should Be A Rater V | | | Author: | | | IP: | s20.dialXXXX | | Date: | 08/19/02 12:08 | | Game Type: | Other | | Labels: | none | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 2, Max: 6, Min: 5
Lifetime Rating for ThePalisade: 5.9231 |   |
"Rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated."
-YourRoleModel
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Epoch Version:
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Hello all and welcome to another ThePalisade report. Now every one of you has thought about stalking someone at one time, be it that hot girl next door or that bastard who stole your lunch money in third grade. At the time, you decided not to. You told yourself it was your conscience but you were wrong. I’m telling you right now the reason you didn’t stalk those people was because you didn’t know HOW. Well, I’m here to remedy that problem.
The first step to stalking someone is picking your crew. It is the height of idiocy to try and stalk someone alone. The most efficient stalker has a whole plethora of people backing him up at all times. Crews consist of the driver, the muscle, and the communications guy. Usually one crew is sufficient but I, being an expert stalker, have decided to utilize a double crew to show you how it is truly done.
Picking your crew is not only the first step, it is the most important. Your choices should be based on two things:
1) Lack of morals
2) Ability to get the job done
Lack of morals is absolutely essential. You don’t want some pansy little church boy squealing on you at the last second. Ability to get the job done means you don’t pick someone to be your driver who doesn’t have their license, etc. I chose my crew with the utmost care. These people are all professionals, all the better to show you the ropes, people.
Crew #1:
Crew #2:
The next step is choosing your vehicle(s). Since I have two crews, I’ll be needing two vehicles. Now if you don’t have access to vehicle(s) of your own, you’ll need my next guide: “Stealing a Car": A How to Guide by ThePalisade. Anyway, how to choose your vehicle(s). First, they can’t be too flashy. Flashiness means certain death for any stalker. Second, they can’t be too junky. Junky cars mean you lose your target when it takes you half an hour to go from 30 to 62 on the freeway. Also, any car that sounds like a lawn mower with a rocket launcher on the back is a no-no.
My crews and I went downstairs to my driveway and made our selections:
Discarded Cars:
Selected Cars:
With both my crew and cars selected, all that is left is to choose the target. Most of you will be choosing targets that you know but since all the hot chicks have been stalked and all my enemies are dead, I’ll have to choose a stranger for this project. Motioning to my crew, we all hopped in our cars and sped off to Wendy’s. It is absolutely essential that you stay in communication if you have two crews. I suggest walkie talkies but cell phones work just as well. Unfortunately, my crews could only come up with one cell phone. Since we’re experts we still pulled it off but I wouldn’t suggest it.
We stationed ourselves outside the Wendy’s exit. Location of your parked car(s) is very important. You have to be close but not TOO close to the exit. I suggest a distance of at least 40 feet but no more than 60 feet away. It would be wise to send a point man in to scout out the people in the restaurant. I tried to tell my crews that but they bowled me over and all ran into Wendy’s to get food.
Once your target has been chosen, quietly wait for them to get into their vehicle. Once they have pulled out of the parking lot of wherever you are located, quickly turn on your car(s) and head out. Always keep at least one car between the target and your own car(s). If the target even so much as glances back at you, break off. It’s over. Run like little boys in Kay Bee Toys. Otherwise, follow them to their destination.
If they go any place public like a grocery store or mall, park near them but far enough away that they won’t notice your car(s). This is the waiting game, people. You have to patiently wait for them to come out and drive off again. They may stop at several places. You have to be patient. Any premature action will result in certain failure of the ULTIMATE OBJECTIVE. Use this time to take pictures of the target. Any good stalker has a huge gallery of photos of his targets.
Once the target finally reaches an inconspicuous location, quickly follow them in and park. It is time to complete the ULTIMATE OBJECTIVE. Take the pillow case you had previously prepared and quickly throw it over the target’s head. This is where the muscle part of your crew comes in. They have to carry her QUICKLY to the lead vehicle and dump her in the backseat. What you do with them after that is your own business.
After that is accomplished, you have completed the ULTIMATE OBJECTIVE. You’re now an expert stalker, just like me. Now go out there and bag some game!
She’s okay!
My thanks to:
1) My friends
2) My cat: The Lady in Black
3) Zerg~Ling and LuckyNewbie:p for getting me motivated
4) http://www.aaronallston.com
5) http://www.absolutely-famous-funny-love-movie-and-inspirational-quotes.com/funny.htm
This report was brought to you by:
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