| Who wants a piece of me?! (Apparently, they did) | | | Author: | | | IP: | 24-90-13XXXX | | Date: | 09/23/02 05:09 | | Game Type: | Starcraft | | Labels: | none | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 2, Max: 6, Min: 6
Lifetime Rating for YourButteredBiscuit: 6.7500 |  | It was a long hard day at work. Scratch that. It was a god awful day at work, it was a laborious trek to get there. Apparently, there was a terrorist threat on the ferry and in New York, we've been taking that sort of thing seriously, but stupidly. So it took an extra hour to get to work, where we promptly had a diesel fuel spill while refueling the bobcat. Then my boss had me cart a 250 pound air conditioning unit which fell off the cart after the first bump and sliced my hand up like it was a hot knife going through butter. Things got worse from there, I'm sure none of you care. The point is when I got home I was pissed off and ready to unwind. So I broke out the bottle of Jim Beam, lit a blunt and sat in front of the monitor and loaded up Starcraft. By the time I finally found a game I was already fairly blitzed but still steamed.
It was a 2v2 on BGH. I chose protoss and my ally was zerg. I started in the lower left hand corner, he started in the upper right hand corner. Perfect. Our enemies were Terran and Protoss, a tough combination to beat, and had both center locations, with the terran one being above me. My ally flooded me with "tactical advice" in his words. "Steaming toss" in mine. At this point, my bandages were saturated and my hand started bleeding on my key board. So I downed some more whiskey and ignored it. My build order reflected my anger, 4 gateways were up and humming as early as possible. Zealots coming from the first two, Dragoons from the other two when I finished warping a core. My ally's build order reflected his ineptitude, lots of sunkens and zerglings. I shuddered when I saw this and took another pull from the bottle. I had a sizable force of zealots and dragoons, so I moved a good chunk of them up to defend my natural which I expanded into. As soon as this was done I roared up the tech tree, building a Citadel, stargate and robotics at the same time, then a templar archives, robotics support bay and observatory. Then another robotics facility and an arbiter tribunal. It was official, I was wearing my shitkicking boots.
The terran player attempted a siege on me which I broke through with about 3 squads of zealots. The protoss player flooded my ally's base with dragoons which prompted him to cry "help plz!!!!!!!1" numerous times. He somehow survived. Damn. Another pull from Jimmy Beam. How did my ally bounce back after this? More zerglings! No upgrades because he still did not have gas. I turned off allied victory. By now our enemies must have presumed that if they beat me, they had the game. I have to say, they really did put the pressure on me. The terran player set up siege tanks with goliaths and sci vessels outside of my base. While the protoss player spotted for him with observers and sent dragoons behind the tanks. The Science vessels were what really worried me. EMP is not pretty when you're protoss, and I couldn't sent my scouts/sairs at them because of all the goliaths and dragoons. I grit my teeth and did things the hard way. First off, no matter what, if you're being attacked by siege tanks, always send zealots, especially with the leg upgrade. They are key to breaking a siege. So I did so, and many zealots died, but many charged on to take their place. En Taro Adun you poor bastards. I still had to get to those science vessels though, because EMP was cramping my style in a big way. The siege tanks were killing quite a few goliaths because my zealots were right on them. But there was still the matter of the dragoons in the back. I loaded up a few shuttles with templar and reavers and flew around the siege and dropped everything out of the dragoon range. Then I rained psi storms and scarabs upon them. The siege tanks responded and killed the templar (who cares, they had no mana anyway) and the reavers were forced to evacuate. But now those science vessels were ready for my wrathful vengeance. Oh, they attempted escape, but they didn't go far.
At this point the blunt was no longer big enough to hang from my mouth and be smoked properly so I paused the game to get my pipe. When I got back I noticed that not only had they unpaused it, the terran player attacked me as well! He was beginning to really bother me. My ally sent all of his zerglings as I got back, and they were promptly butchered. Thank you ally. Once again, the zealots came out in force to get things done. I can think of only three things I don't send zealots after, firebats, air units and lurkers I can't see. To punish my ally, the terran player sent a whole bunch of wraiths and killed all of his overlords and retreated.
The protoss player was cranking out dragoons in a very predictable manner, but the terran, while predictable, was proving to be a thorn in my side. And he had to be punished for his dastardly attack. I prepped a massive fleet of observers, yes, observers and flooded his base. His turrets fired away madly, but to no avail, I got the intelligence I needed. At home, my invasion was ready to rock. I cast hallucination on an arbiter, and sent him along with all of my scouts and sairs. They flew over his worker line and I promplty cast recall on my archon swarm. In the blink of an eye a very important chunk of his base was missing. He floated what buildings he could north. My scouts and sairs, having done their job with the arbiter, flew off in pursuit. The archons punished the buildings and units that couldn't flee in ways only archons can. My pursuing airforce spotted a thriving expansion in the upper left hand corner and retreated. The dragoon hordes were encroaching however, and I needed much of my forces to stay at home to deal with them. I would have to get surgical on that expansion.
And get surgical I did. The base lacked tech buildings beyond a couple of factories, and I'm pretty sure he was too strapped for cash to build anything but the bread and butter terran armor and infantry. I sent dropships loaded with zealots and went for his turrets and comsat. After a few waves, every detector was down, and before he could build another, 5 dropships loaded with dark templar gave him a sweetly buttered biscuit (my trademark). Apparently, he likes his biscuit unbuttered, and he surrendered. My ally sent zerglings. They too were butchered.
So now it was protoss on protoss, and I guess you could include the zerg player, but I don't. As far as I'm concerned, this was a 1v1. My scouting confirmed that a drop on him was out of the question, there were too many cannons in all the right places and too many dragoons. The only thing to do was plow through. So reavers were parked in front of his base, and as he came to retaliate, the archon/zealot/dragoon swarm Just Said No to Dragoon Abuse. I inched through and burned everything to the ground.
My ally sent zerglings.
Upon the Protoss player's defeat my ally flooded me with gg's and wtf's when he realized the game wasn't ending. I never answered him with words, I merely let my turning shared vision off do the talking for me. He sent zerglings. But zerglings pop in the face of reavers. And nothing but reavers came plowing through. Ponderously plowing, but plowing nonetheless. And so ended the game. It wasn't a pretty one by any standards. But it goes to show that an angry construction worker with a bottle of whiskey and a fat blunt are not to be fucked with.
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