When I finished my last report, which was my first report on Command & Conquer Generals, I looked at all the interesting comments. I heard some "Yo dawg, wat up son!?!"S and some "You suck and so does C&C: Generals" but in between those I heard, or rather seen, some comments that would help me in making my next report. I also knew I would have to do something to make everyone say "awe" or "ooo". I know you're probably tired of hearing me yak about my last report so here I go with my new report (report #11 if you are counting).

This is the second report about Generals so let me say what it's about again. Command & Conquer: Generals is the first C&C RTS title to be presented to in full 3D. Generals is all-new Command & Conquer, with a modern conflict inspired by events relevant to today. Set 20 years in the future, the game involves the United States and China versus a rogue terrorist-like state, the Global Liberation Army.

Cruising around in the C&C multiplayer zone I was confident I was not a newbie anymore after bashing several other newbie's heads in. I saw plenty of 2v2, 3v3, and so on but I was in the mood for a 1v1. I saw someone start one and joined quickly before anyone could join and so the game began.

General Some_God
Side: China
Color: Blue
Start Position: Upper-right hand corner

General MonkeY-Po0
Side: GLA
Color: Red
Start Position: Lower-right hand corner

The game started and I noticed that I was China. While that was not my most favorite side to play, I had experience playing with them. The map was one with a 4 starting positions on the 4 corners with a mountain in the middle. On the mountain is a lake with numerous supply dumps and other goodies around it. I will be now reporting from the 3rd person view.

SG had a build order of: A nuclear reactor (power plant), supply center (gathers supplies), barracks (builds infantry), bunker (holds 5 soldiers), war factory (builds vehicles and tanks), another bunker, and a Gattling Tower (a gattling cannon). SG set up his line of defensive positions toward where Monkey Poo's (I'll call him Poo) base was, directly south of SG's location.

Meanwhile Poo had a build order that was simple but effective: A supply stash (gathers supplies), barracks (builds infantry), arms dealer (builds vehicles and tanks), and a string of tunnel networks (Like the Zerg Nydus Canal in Starcraft) and stinger sites (Anti-Air and Anti-Tank sites) all around his base just in case.

Both players quickly built up their forces. SG pumped infantry fast out of his barracks and that's because whenever China trains an infantry, two infantry units come out of the barracks to make it realistic since China has about 2 billion people. He pushed into his 2 bunkers: 4 infantry and 1 Tank Hunter (a bazooka man) each.

Poo made his move first as he sent a technical (a vehicle mounted machine gun) to scout before his small tank force came into the picture. The force of GLA vehicles was eliminated thanks to the defensive positions and 4 Battlemaster tanks (they look like Iraqi or Soviet T-72 tanks). After the tanks and technicals came RPG troopers (Anti-Tank troops) and terrorists (guys with bombs strapped to their chests running toward SG's troops with their hands in the air). The infantry were the ones that hurt me the most. They almost destroyed SG's whole tank force of which only one made it out alive but badly damaged. SG sent it to be repaired while he was building up tanks and infantry to make up for what he had lost.

After the battle there was an uneasy calm. Two rebels (basic GLA infantry unit) had captured 2 Oil Derricks that give you addition funds, which were smack dab in between SG's base and Poo's base. This meant that Poo had teched up so that his infantry can capture buildings. SG built up his vehicle army (which was relatively small) with more Battlemasters and Gattling Tanks (a gattling cannon on a vehicle which decimates air and infantry targets), 1 troop crawler (a transport that carries 8 infantry and can detect cloaked units), and he builds an airfield (builds airplanes). Poo on the other hand techs and expands aggressively by making an expansion on the mountain overlooking SG's base, capturing 3 oil derricks (2 in between the players bases and 1 next to the expansion), building up his army, and simultaneously distracting SG with attacks that wouldn't do much harm but would keep him busy.

Poo seeing that it would be a pain to go through the defensive positions, which SG had now built mines around, so instead he went around. He sent 4 tanks and 1 toxin tractor to go around the defensive positions and 3 toxin tractors to attack head-on. SG, luckily, had placed his tanks and gattling tanks right where Poo had sent his troops to go around. Poo had lost the battle but not without having inflicted some casualties on the opposing side. Seeing that SG's flank was exposed he sent to rebels to his base around the back and started to try to capture his War Factory. SG had only one tank in the area and trying to kill it using the main gun it had would take a while, so SG simply ran over the two rebels.

The two rebels that took their dirt nap under the tank were responsible for capturing all the oil derricks all around the mountain. SG seeing how his flank was exposed like that, knew that Poo already might have captured some of the oil derricks. He built up his forces and was ready to attack but before he did that he wanted to take back some of the oil derricks for himself. SG made his move when he launched his 2 gattling cannons, 5 battlemaster tanks, 1 troops crawler, and numerous infantry to take back the two derricks that were between his & Poo's base. He was expecting a big battle because he was managing his forces in the way generals do today. Tanks lead the spearhead while misc. vehicles and infantry cover the flanks and help the tanks defend against other infantry.

SG, too, had teched up to capture buildings and sent 2 Red Guards (Basic Chinese soldier) to capture the oil derricks. By now SG had received a general's upgrade, which allowed him to pick an upgrade he wanted. Out of the 3 choices he had he picked Cluster Bomb drop in which a plane drops cluster bombs (they act as land mines) and any unit that steps on them will probably die. Suddenly out of nowhere the game says Warning Scud Storm Detected and a timer appeared. A scud storm is a special ability that the GLA has. It takes 5 minutes to arm it but when its ready, it shoots about 9 Scud Missiles armed with chemical warheads. This meant that Poo had teched up to get this devastating ability.

SG was probably thinking "OH SHIAT!" when he saw that timer. He knew he had to take out that Scud Storm building before Poo launched it or else his base (not to mention his economy) would be shattered. SG would have to break through Poo's initial Anti-Tank Sites and Anti-Personnel bunkers (5 Stinger Sites and 1 Tunnel Network for you people that bitch about me not giving details). SG this time went in Blitzkrieg style but Poo wisely told this Stinger Sites to aim for the tanks. Poo wasn't caught off guard on this attack. He knew SG would try and destroy his Scud Storm before he could launch so he placed some reserves behind his line of defense consisting of some terrorists, some toxin tractors, and a lot of RPG troopers.

When SG launched his attack, Poo tried to send in the reserves to help defend but some of those units stepped on the cluster bombs, which SG dropped earlier, and died instantly. After SG had destroyed 3 Stinger Sites most of his troops were veterans but were seriously weakened because SG didn't know of what kind of resistance Poo might put up. SG's offensive was quickly bogged down because Poo was constantly reinforcing his line of defense. Poo seizes this opportunity and launches a counter-offensive with most of the units he had in his base. SG knew that the shit had hit the fan. He tried to retreat whatever troops he had remaining in Poo's base but they were all overrun. SG was now preparing to defend his base from a possible attack.

Poo had now defeated the threat to his base and he was not ready to stop there. He told all his units, which some were scattered all across the map to act like scouts, to be preparing to storm SG's base. Some elements of Poo's army came charging into SG's base through the same spot where he found the exposed area with no defense. Sadly, Poo had by now upgraded his tanks so they shoot shells with a small amount of Anthrax and arm them with a small rocket to add to the damage it can do to counter SG's massive amounts of infantry. Poo was now telling all his troops to assault SG's base. SG was cranking out battlemaster tanks but as soon as they came out Poo destroyed them so SG was left with his standing army, which was in front of his defensive line preparing for Poo's frontal attack, which would come soon enough.

Poo was going to attack SG's defensive line with 4 tanks and 2 Anti-Air trucks, which are good against infantry too. In 10 seconds 5 of SG's tanks were destroyed because Poo told his troops to target each tank individually. SG's infantry was no match for the Anthrax spewing tanks and they were all quickly taken out. SG was desperately trying to use his MiGs, which he bought earlier, to hold back the horde of enemy units rushing into his base but it was useless. Poo was all over SG like a fly on shit.

SG's defensive line fell too, but not without putting up some stiff resistance. By now SG's structures were falling one by one until the last one crumbled and it was all over. GG. Well boys and girls, this game had taught me a good lesson. Not only did I have my ass handed to me but my ass was handed to me by a piece of crap from a monkey (his name is MonkeyPoo). I would like to thank my proofreader Epoch… for proofreading, and everyone who gave comments in my last BR.