You might think the song goes with the story.
A Story: The Cow
Chapter 1
Once there was a cow named Herbert. He lived in a farm in Utah. On a Wednesday, he wanted to get out of the old, smelly farm. So, he ate some old hay, went to the farmer guy, and blew his breath right in his face. GG Farmer. Herbert the cow, head butted the fence and escaped. He went on a computer in the computer store and went to CheapTickets.com. He looked around for an airplane ticket to go to California.
BTW Herbert looks like this.
Herbert looked for a preview of the ticket, found one, and printed it so he got a free ticket. He went back to the farm, packed his bags, and headed for the airport.
He went to the counter in the airport to confirm his ticket, and the lady said, "Hey, this is paper!"
"Soooooooooooooooo?" said Herbert.
"I'm sorry mister cow sir, this is a preview of the ticket," said the lady.
"Oh My God!" said Herbert, I should've noticed those big words across the ticket!
"And besides," said the lady, "you wrote Albany for where you're going in California."
"So?" said Herbert.
:Silence:
"ALBANY IS THE CAPITAL OF NEW YORK!" the lady screamed. "And you spelt Albany wrong."
Herbert noticed he still had some nasty, moldy, crunchy stuff in his mouth... THE HAY! He rembered what it did to the Farmer (who already was used to stinky smells) and Herbert thought he should blow his breath on her. He looked around and there was no one but a pig in the gift shop. He quietly blew some breath to the lady's face.
The Breath
"Oh m........." said the lady, not finishing to words.
"OWNED!" said Herbert in a quiet scream.
Herbert snuck on the plane. A flight attendant came and asked if he wanted a drink. "A Mud Smoothie," said Herbert in a raspy voice.
"Excuse me?" said the flight attendant said choking.
"That’s right a mud smoothie."
"We don't have mud smoothies but......"
"A MUD SMOOTHIE," Herbert screamed at the top of his lungs.
"Alriiiiiiight........," said the flight attendant suspiciously.
The flight attendant said she had to go to the bathroom. She went in and looked at the toilet. You know what was there... you know what she was going to do. POOP SMOOTHIE! She took the.....poop.... put it in the blender with some cherries, coke, strawberries, and nuts & carrots.
She pressed "Mega Blend" and soon it was a mixture of lots of brown, some red chunks, and a few orange dots here or there. She poured it into a "Movie Size" glass and handed it to Herbert.
Everyone help their nose. "What's the RANK smell!?" you heard in the background of screams of torture.
When Herbert got the smoothie he said, "Hey, this smells like dump I took yesterday in the monuir field!"
"Really?" said the flight attendant. "Well, I made it out of mud," she said.
"Okay," Herbert said.
As soon as the nasty crap smoothie hit Herbert's tongue, he spit it and it hit a man's head. "Heyyyyyyyyyyy, who dares to hit Grandpa-Gerald in the head with this....this....oghhhhhhhh." :Gerald Faints:
"AHHHHHHHHHHH," screamed everyone.
Herbert chucked the smoothie, and a crap fight started. Some people were so desperate, they took beans, started farting until some poop came out.
Soon, the flight was coming to an end. When they landed in California, all the idiots who were in the crap fight, stole other peoples cloths to cover their smelly crap-filled bodies. They rushed right to the bathroom. Every one went in a cubby thing and started washing their selves in the toilet. One person named Phil saw some piss in the toilet and said "Mmmmmm, orange juice!" and drank it.
After Phil drank all the piss or orange juice, he pissed and said "Mmmmm!" more orange juice, and drank that. Then he peed more and more and drank and drank until he died. GG Phil. The person in the next cubby took some toilet paper, dunked it in the toilet, and washed themselves with it. Then, he dunked his head in the toilet bowl, and used the mushy poop at the bottom for shampoo. The guy in the next, and last cubby, Jonathan, took some poop, smeared it all over his body, then, he put his foot in the toilet, and flushed, so it got clogged, and water flowed all over the cubby. He made himself a bathtub!
Herbert went to a candy store in the airport. He threw the manager to the side and started using the computer. He went to Hotels.com. He found a small motel only a few blocks away called Awaiting Farts. He took a taxi, still smelling like poop. When they got there, the cab driver said ten dollars and sixty three cents. Herbert thought this was too much money. All he had was a few cents. Once again, Herbert used his hay and blew his smelly, nasty, crunchy, hay breath with the poop aside so it was even worse. GG Taxi Driver....guy....person...sir..guy.
When Herbert got into the Hotel, it had a wood floor with holes, and nothing in the lobby but a cheezy wooden desk with crust on the sides. When Herbert got to the desk he said, "Ewwww what's this crust mister crust dork?"
The man said "Oh, sorry that’s the cheese I had for breakfast."
"Ugh," said Herbert.
"What do you want anyway you squid?" said the man.
"Ahem... I'm a cow!" screamed Herbert.
"Whatever, what you you want?" he said.
"I'd like to rent a room forever."
"What!?" the man (his name is Herman) said. "I'm sorry, you can only rent a room for 30 minutes tops." :Silence:
.......breath! Herbert of course... used his nasty crunch breath.
Herman fainted and Herbert broke into the room. Let's see. There was a bed to fit half a person and a window. There was a brown toilet in the corner. The one and ONLY staff member came to get the garbage and he looked at Herbert and said, "you know, the toilet was white when we got it."
NASTY!
Herbert was the only customer in the hotel. He got lonely and fell asleep in his slim bed. It was a bad night. He was next to the city and everything was so loud. It started to calm down at about 4:00 am. It was 11:30 am. when Herbert got up. He was so hungry. He hasn't had anything to eat since the crusty, moldy, crud hay. He went down to the desk where Herman was still totally out on the floor. Herbert went down to him and went "MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Herman got up and he was like WHAT, WHAT, WHAT? After about 20 minutes of smelly Herbert calming him down, he sat down in his chair and asked Herbert what he needed. "Food!" Herbert said groaning.
Oh, yes, well Mr. uhhhhhhhh cow guy, there's a restaurant in that door over there." he said.
"Isn't that a closet?" asked Herbert.
"Yeah, but it's also a restaurant."
"K," said Herbert.
When Herbert got into the restaurant or closet, which was the size of a closet in a bedroom, a waitress (probably about 6 years old) asked if he wanted a drink. Herbert said just bring the juice and the breakfast special. (Herbert didn't know, but the special was goat liver with scrambled llama eggs around it.) When Herbert got the breakfast, he looked at it and said, what is this? The maid said Scrambled eggs and some uhhh Liver. Herbert didn't care and was already stuffing his face. When the maid came to get the money, Herbert blew his breath in her face, but it didn't effect because she was already used to liver and eggs and all that kind of stuff. "Uh ohhhh," Herbert said.
"AHEM!" said the maid loudly.
"Hold up miss," Herbert said.
She walked away, and Herbert ran out of the restaurant. The maid came out and chased him away from the hotel. On his way out he saw the stupid taxi driver, still fainted from the breath. Herbert rain to the airport. He ran so fast and snuck on to a plane that no one noticed. He was going right back to his farm. On the plane, he DIDN'T ask for a mud smoothie and just asked for a coke. He got REAL coke and drank it. When he landed, he rushed to him farm to check on the farmer. He was STILL OUT! Herbert still had liver breath and blew that on him. He woke up and said, "Herbert? What happened?"
Herbert said that he got sleep-in-gidus. Herbert went to the hay, and went to sleep happily ever after. THE END
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