"Science Vessel is my flying templar! =) D-matrix is my halucination while irradiate is my psi-storm."
-[FLS]Prozerran
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| Final Fantasy Tactics Advance: Numero Uno | | | Author: | | | IP: | 66.44.16XXXX | | Date: | 07/13/05 10:07 | | Game Type: | Other | | Labels: | Rare game(1) | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 2, Max: 7, Min: 7
Lifetime Rating for Firenza: 7.0000 |  |
Greetings BR.comers! I’ve been visiting this site for quite some time now, and have always enjoyed the reports here, but never had the work ethic to actually craft one of my own. That has finally changed, though. After all, it’s summer. The birds are singing, flowers are blooming, there are children playing in the park... It’s a wonderful time of year. And what better way to spend it than sitting inside my bedroom with the curtains closed and the lights off playing video games? Unfortunately, I don’t have all these fancy shmancy games like you guys are used to in reports. No Starcraft, Warcraft, Civilization, or Warhammer 40K in this report. However, I do have a Game Boy Advance with several games, none of which were downloaded off the internet at all. Nope, they are perfectly legitimate. Yep, totally legal. Uh huh, right… Anyway, I work with what I have, so you’ll have to settle for one of these games. As luck would have it, there are several fun games for this emula-, er, gaming system. One of them is Final Fantasy Tactics Advance. Hopefully, this report will be as fun to read as the game is to play.
The game begins in a snow covered school yard. Apparently, I’m the new kid, and we are about to have a snowball fight. Just as we’re about to start, some whiny kid on my team named Lyle starts complaining about how badly he’s going to get beat because he’s stuck with a bunch of losers. He starts making fun of another kid on my team, named Mewt, who doesn’t stick up for himself at all. In fact, he really doesn’t talk much at all, hence his name. Lyle keeps making fun of him, so a redheaded chick named Ritz from the other team comes over and kicks Lyle’s ass before switching places with him so we can start. Then the action begins, and since I apparently don’t know how to pick up some snow and throw it at someone, Ritz guides me through the steps of how to fight in this turn based "battle". After a couple rounds where Lyle and his team picks on Mewt mercilessly, our teacher comes out and tells them to stop. He takes them inside to talk to them, and tells the rest of us to go home. Apparently, recess is our last class for the day.
Before we take off to go home, Mewt thanks Ritz and I for helping him out during the fight. For some reason, I think it would be a good idea to invite the class reject and the obnoxious, psychotic redhead to my house to play with me and my disabled little brother. Wow, this is really going to help my social standing here at this new school.
On the way home, we run into some old guy named Cid (hmm…) who is getting bullied around by some other guys in the street. He just sits there cringes, and eventually they walk away in disgust. As it turns out, Cid is Mewt’s dad. Now I could see where Mewt got his wuss genes from. Cid runs off to work, and we continue on to my house.
When we get there, my little brother, Doned, is waiting in his wheelchair. Mewt pulls out some crazy book full of magic spells written in other languages and stuff, so we look at that until it’s time for the others to leave.
Before Mewt and Ritz leave, Mewt mentions that he wishes there was a spell in there to change the world. Ritz inquires what he would like to change about it, and he says that he wishes it was more like his favorite game, Final Fantasy. What a nerd. After all, we all know the world would be a better place if it was more like Grand Theft Auto or Streets of Rage. That way I could just beat the shit out of random people I see in the street. Anyway, my two new friends finally leave, and then it’s time for me to go to bed. It seems that either my bedtime is 5:00, or school goes until 10:00 at night. Either way, I quickly drift off to sleep
When I wake up the next morning, I’m not in my bed anymore, I’m laying in the street. Aww, crap, this is like that one night when I raided mom’s liquor cabinet, blacked out, and woke up behind that casino in Atlantic City. I also notice that I’m wearing some odd clothes that I don’t remember owning. Oh well, at least I’m not hung over this time, I guess. After walking out into the open and taking a good look around, I get the feeling that I’m not in Kansas anymore, or Atlantic City either for that matter. There are a bunch of weird looking creatures walking around, and some people dressed in funny clothes like mine. The buildings in this town are constructed oddly, and with materials that I’ve never seen before. As I turn a corner, still wondering where the hell I am, I run smack into a huge lizard man. Of course, instead of running away screaming like any normal person would, I stare at him and say, "OH MY GOD YOU’RE A LIZARD!" Yeah, I guess I haven’t been quite right in the head since that incident with the paint chips…
The lizard gets real pissed off after I say that, and tells me I should have some respect and call him a bangaa. Then he challenges me to a fight. This doesn’t look good, not at all - A dopey little kid who doesn’t even know how to have a snowball fight versus a giant, pissed off lizard man bangaa thing. Since the game won’t let me run away or curl up into a ball, I prepare to have my ass handed to me.
Luckily, a little bunny man comes up and helps me through the battle. He is a moogle named Montblanc, and he explains how to fight and throws in a couple of spells to help me. He also tells me to make sure not to break the rules. Since I have no idea where I am, much less what the laws are here, I just attack. After the bangaa is defeated, he curses a couple of times and then uses a potion to replenish his health. Apparently this is against the rules of battle though, because he gets hauled off to prison soon after. Montblanc explains that there are judges at every battle, and if any rules are broken, they take the perpetrator to jail. Doesn’t sound like fun, so I decide I’ll try to abide by the rules.
Montblanc and I talk for a while, and I tell him that I’m not from here. When he asks me where I’m from and how I got here, I make a startling revelation… Since there are no lizard people and bunny men in my world, but there are in this world, and I know from playing video games that they have them in the Final Fantasy world too… Then I must be in the Final Fantasy world! And that only took me all morning to figure out! Gosh, I’m intelligent. Montblanc thinks it would be a good idea for me to come with him to his clan and meet all his friends, so I agree.
Once we get to his clan’s hangout, he explains to me that they are a pretty new clan. So new in fact, that they haven’t even named it yet. Once I get there, that same stupid kid who ate those paint chips and insulted that mean bangaa woke up inside me again, and I asked if I could join their clan. After all, why wouldn’t I want to go out into all sorts of dangerous places, getting into fights and pissing people off instead of trying to find a way to get back home? Montblanc quickly agrees, and says that as their newest member, I should have the honor of giving the clan a name. Cool. Unfortunately, you must have to be a more experienced clan to have more than seven letters in your name, so the SUPER DUPER OWNAGE LEET HAXXOR CLAN didn’t work, and I had to settle for CLAN PWNAGE. Now that I have a group of friends to go out adventuring with, it’s about time for me to go kick some ass.
I am informed that in order for the clan to go out and complete quests and stuff, we first have to check in at the pub and get our missions. When we arrive, I immediately fall in love. Bottles line all of the counters, and behind the bartender stand huge kegs full of pure, sweet alcohol. I immediately order a Windsor coke, but the bartender informs me that I’m too young. Crushed, I vow that I will come back here on the day that I find a forgery shop in this world and get myself a fake ID. Then I’ll show that stupid old man what’s what. Montblanc asks about missions, and there is only one available at this time- Herb Picking. Now what kind of place denies me my precious alcohol, and then sends me out to gather magical "herbs"? I think I might keep a few of these herbs for myself, I’ll need to get a fix somehow in this strange world…
We go back to the Clan house and rally our members for a raid on the Herb Fields. Montblanc is afraid we might run into some little elves and sprites while searching, so he insists that we bring along some backup. What a pussy. We beat the shit out of a huge lizard man this morning, and now he thinks we need backup for some little leprechauns? Pshhhh.
Turns out it’s a good thing that Montblanc is a giant weenie though, since we ran into a bunch of goblins and a sprite out in the fields. Now I finally find out the skills of some of my new friends. Montblanc is a pretty powerful spellcaster, able to cast AOE spells like Fire, Thunder, and Blizzard. Conner is some kind of mole man, and he can’t fight very well, but he’s good at healing us. Larissa is a weird looking black chick who wears the bunny hood from Ocarina of Time and can shoot the enemies with her bow from a distance. Gilbert is our heavy hitter, since he is a bangaa like the one I fought earlier, and he can fight very well. Last but not least, we have Elnan on our team, and he isn’t very good at anything, being a pretty well rounded character in all aspects. Under my command, soldiers like this are referred to as "meat shields".
We coordinated and took out the Sprite first, since she was the most important threat. After a couple of hacks from Gilbert, Elnan and I and an arrow from Larissa, she fell, leaving us to deal with the red goblin and his blue goblin lackeys. There are quite a few of them, so we take some damage, but by the time the last one falls (courtesy of Montblanc’s Blizzard spell), everyone in our clan is still standing. Now all that was left was to pick these magic "herbs". Montblanc says he used to pick these all the time, so that explains his oddities. After gathering a substantial amount, and a little extra for myself, we head back to the pub to claim our bounty. Now that we have gotten the easy mission out of the way, several more of them have opened up, presumably because our clan is now more experienced. Now we are faced with a choice of taking some kids out to play and protecting them from monsters, helping out some wussy viscount by participating in a duel in his place, or hunting down some thieves who stole a scientists thesis. Which one will we choose? Find out next time!
This is simply the first edition in what could be a series. I’ve always loved games like this, but they are hardly ever reported on, so I thought I’d give it a try. If it gets a good response I’ll continue it. Thanks for reading!
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