"KaD attempts to disprove the theory that you cannot pull Vespene gas out of your ass"
-Bob_The_Newt
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| (Diablo) A (hopefully humorous) 3@30 report | | | Author: | | | IP: | dyn43.c5XXXX | | Date: | 04/03/00 07:04 | | Game Type: | Other | | Labels: | none | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 2, Max: 6, Min: 6
Lifetime Rating for Landon Fox: 6.0000 |  | (Quick forenote: A 3@30 is where you kill diablo on Hell difficulty at level thirty. That's the minimum level for playing on the highest difficulty setting, and therefore it's one of the hardest things to do in the game.)
Okay, so here we are around the campfire toasting marshmellows for some smores. Perhaps you'd like to hear a fireside tale or... huh? Yes, I know you're in front of you computer in reality. Just pretend your monitor's irridensent glow is actually the glow of a crackling campfire. Okay then, would you like to... What now? I know you're not toasting marshmellows! Just grab a snack and pretend it's a smore, okay? Anyway, here's my tale of a 3@30 for my mage.
Okay, I'm in town. I've never played done a 3@30 before. I've never even played in Hell difficulty before. I have no clue what to expect. In all honesty, I expect to have my behind handed back to me on a silver platter with some parsley to garnish it. However, I think now is the right time to unleash what I've had up my sleeve! With my new thinking cap with eleven durability and my archangle's staff of no suffix, I'm ready to do some major behind kicking! So I drop my cash, spare rings, and tank mage gear on the ground. Actually, you wouldn't really call it tank mage gear since it only gets my AC to 120 or so.
Landon_Fox, go to Hell. Roger... Alright, I'm in hell and ready to fight my first demons. I step forward a bit to see what I'm up against. It turns out to be Thunder Lords and Gold Vipers. OH NO!!!! My precious autokill hack (also known as chain lightning) won't work on these monsters! Okay, I guess I'll do this with the old fashion fireball then.
Now I've been doing a lot of hidden shrine hunts recently. I just went to the church on normal difficulty and ignored the enemies. The only time I attacked is when the large mob following me started to interfere with my teleport destination. Perhaps this will somehow mitigate my shame. I forgot to put up my mana shield.
Let's try this again. I got down to hell and put up my mana shield this time. Then I fireball my killers and retrieve my gear. In my hidden shrine runs I had gotten a few books of fireball. Add that to the four levels afforded by my gear, and I was totally unprepared for the result. I was killing everything with one hit, in Hell difficulty!!! My enemies were dieing faster that a highschool football jock's ego after losing his first game of the season 58-0. (The reason it's not a multiple of seven is because the jock accidently ran the wrong way and scored a safty for the other team.) After some dungeon crawling, I found the stairs down and proceded to level 14.
They knew I was coming. Everything was ready. Steel lords were in front, and they need lightning to die. Snow witchs were behind, and they need fire to die. They had everything perfectly planned out, and it showed. Surprised by the sudden fury, my mage when down. Anger flared in my veins. How DARE they kill me! I'll show them! I've still got my tank mage gear. It's time for some holy retribution! Holy being what the steel lords made me with their swords.
So now I don't have my portal and they're right by the stairs. All my equipment is by their feet. They're all but ready to start the victory celebration. They covered every detail, except one. I'm a stubburn illegitimate child. This is _MY_ stuff! You can't have it! Now I know what it feels like to be a marine charging up a ramp only to be shot at by a wall of perfectly spaced, range-upgraded dragoons on hold position. But I got a chance to pull up my guass rifle at take a shot each time before I turned into a pile of red goo. Each fireball dropped a snow witch. Once all the soul burner wannabe's were dead, it simply stone cursed the front steel lords in the narrow alley between the stairs and the wall. Once it was plugged up, they all huddled behind the statues to try and get at me. Chain lightning really rocks, you know that? Well, I picked up my gear and found out why they hit me so hard immediately. The stairs down were right next door.
I came out right next to the room Lazarus is in. This set off some major alarms in my head. Why would they put me so close to the guy I need to kill? I shrug it off as I prepare to drop the hammer and lay on the indiscrimate justice. I had heard of triple immunes before, but this was the first time I had had the pleasure of facing them. I immediately decided it was a good thing I found Civarb's Cudgel and retrieved it from town. After learning the true value of stone curse and what it's like to be a muscle mage, I clear out the area around Lazarus' lair. I start off by stepping the the very edge of the wall by the door and then stepping back immediately. Then I stone curse and fireball the boss that I lured out. Repeat for the other side and then it's time for Lazarious himself. Note to self: never charge a group of advocates on hell difficulty again. A came back down the portal and the used baiting tactics to draw out an enemy at a time, thus making stone curse and statue bashing a fun and entertaining sport for the whole family. The rest of the level was an excercise in stone cursing. I didn't bother with golem, I just stone cursed anything that moved then bashed on the statue until it crumbled.
Okay, now I'm on Diablo's level. The climax is nearing! I don't feel like taking on mass advocates, so I decide to free the big D by using telekinesis on the two levers in the room north of big D's. First I clear out the area around the two rooms so that I'll have an obsticle free arena in which to challenge the head honcho. Words can not express how joyous I was when my fireballs exploded on the blood knights instead of passing though them harmlessly. It made my job a lot easier. Also, since I usually didn't face more than a few advocates at a time, it wasn't too hard to stone curse and statue bash the cursed triple-immunes. Now I'll just flip those two levers. Now I'll wait a minute for the trembling in my hands to stop...
While I'm wait for something that will never come until I'm good and done with the whole affair, I decide that now would be a good time to get all the junk... er... equipment I stashed in town. I fill up the rest of my inventory with big blue potions.
"My offense is my defense, my main weapon blue potions..." -- (some dude. I don't remember if I said it myself or heard it somewhere)
Okay, time to show where blood fountains come from. I pretty much did a textbook diablo killing. I holybolted him, then ran away to where I knew his escort of blood knights wouldn't get in the way. Then we slugged it out with me using holybolt and him using apocalyspe. While the match up may seem slightly in his favor, I had potions and he did not. I even had to go to town once and refill my stock. But in the end, I made him scream and gush that fountain of blood. Just how does he keep that fountain of blood going anyway? And why doesn't the whole vicnity turn red?
Why am I seeing the desktop? AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!! I've had the stupid program bomb out on me before at the final sequence, but not NOW! I spent four hours of my life doing my first 3@30! I've _EARNED_ the right to see this movie! How dare you do this to me you stupid computer?!
Oh well. A set of triple dots is still a set of triple dots, and I've got em and a nice fat thirty by my name now. Next up, doing it all naked! Thanks for reading, and until next time, remember that Hacks aren't bad at all. Afterall, it almost seems like Diablo was based on the game series. Go play Nethack some time, it's a great game.
Landon
http://go.to/whatacrew |
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