Begin obscene rant about an insane topic:

What the hell! Why don’t girls find StarCraft skills incredibly arousing? Do you know how many chicks you can impress with a 1500 + on ladder in Korea? But where I live, the good old USA, no one gives a damn if you’re on the Blizzard Top Ten! This lack of sexual desire forced me to go and seek some hot chicks. For those you who know my smurf name, you’ll know who I am. I do mind if you don’t tell who I am, however, because I might get banned. Enjoy!

Well now! Here we have ColonelCollsy. Since I respect her, I’ve replaced her AIM name with Collsy. I try to drive in the long-term relationship part in her, but it didn’t work out as well as I hoped. The following conversation is used by the ever-popular AIM chat interface, that I rate a solid 10 for cybering.

Me: Hello!
Collsy: hey
Me: Would you like to participate in an interview?
Collsy: what sort? what for?
Me: I assure you, it is non-sexual, and it certainly isn't for a battle report that I will submit as a sexual guide
Collsy: what is is then?
Me:
Collsy: huh? sorry, it's late
Collsy: and col is half asleep
Me: /me kills himself
Me: so, how's about letting me build some scarabs down on your reaver, eh?
Collsy: ...
Collsy: i suggest you stop now
Me: say, what's a pretty medic like you doing in a strang ol' place like this?
Me: we can run away together from slings!
Me: i tell you, it'll be beautiful
Me: we'll go to korea and become the starcraft couple...
Me: then, in a couple years, we'll have some cute zerglings!
Collsy: did you hear me?
Me: :(
Collsy: sheesh
Collsy: boys never listen
Me: :(
Me: i'm just flexing my mojo
Me: So, have you done anything erotic with Slings lately?
Collsy: but i'm going back to bnet land :o) see you later
Me: dammit, wait!

Collsy now decides to leave. Well, then! I need chicks that don’t know of my past experience at all. To compensate, I randomly search for an AIM partner. I tried working my l33t StarCraft skills on this one. Read on…

Me: Hi there
Wu013081: yes!
Me: ?
Wu013081: ????
Me: nevermind
Me: age/sex/location?
Wu013081: 19/f/l.a
Me: hehe
Wu013081: hehehehehe! how about you?
Me: i happen to be 20/m/la too!
Wu013081: are you student?
Me: yeah, UCLA
Wu013081: which place of l.a?
Wu013081: wawawa!!! UCLA??
Me: UCLA
Me: :D, why, do you attend there?
Wu013081: no! difficult to me!
Me: hehe
Me: I'm majoring in business economics there.
Me: so...
Wu013081: business? same as me! the major!
Me: I just found some free time away from the computer and all...
Me: cool!
Wu013081: you must be smart!
Me: damn, a game called StarCraft has really been taking my time
Me: do you know it?
Wu013081: I don't know! what kind of game?
Me: it's a real time strategy game, all my friends play it
Me: it's usually counterstrike and starcraft nowadays
Me: yeah... well...
Wu013081: sounds difficult!
Me: do zerglings make you horny?
Wu013081: haha!
Me: they make me incredibly horny
Wu013081: how?
Me: in fact, i feel like sucking on their luscious warts right now
Me: can i suck on your luscious wart?
Wu013081: you sucks!
Me: what?
Wu013081: what's what?
Me: I'm just trying to be romantic!
Wu013081: it's not romantic!!!! make me feel sick!
Me: so you aren't into that?
Me: oh, i know, you're into getting it on medic style, right?
Wu013081: haha! however!
Me: you be the helpess little medic stranded on the battlefield with all these ultras surrounding us... i'll be the brave marine
Me: trust me, i'm frisky
Me: in fact, my sperm count is 28 billion
Me: that could seriously impregnate a lot of ovaries
Wu013081: sounds strong
Me: oh, it is, my pretty medic, it is
Wu013081: so?
Me: care to suck my long dirty cock?
Me: it's been war torn by the queen's ensare
Wu013081: see you! i have to go!
Me: it might move a litte slow, but trust me, i'm frisky
Me: @($*@()$
Wu013081: my boyfriend came here!
Me: those were excellent starcraft pick up lines!
Wu013081: have good chat with you!
Me: ask him to do it to you starcraft style!
Wu013081: byeeee!!! ^O^
Me: the only way, my sexy med.
Me: bye
Wu013081: I will! thank your teaching!
Me: Your welcome, my pupil.

She was a more than exuberant test subject. However, I needed more research into my StarCraft pick up lines, so I tried the actual online community of Battle.net.

What follows is some pretty weird shit. I just did the same thing as above, but this lady was quite different.

::sigh::

Well, I’ve hoped you learned a couple things about how to cyber doing it StarCraft style. I actually learned quite a lot.

Lessons Learned

-Only accept sex from Bob.
-Besides Bob, do CM too. He’s quite energetic.
-Collsy is so sensitive about her reavers.
-StarCraft style isn’t very good, unless you happen to be Drefsab.

Yes, now go comment.

From yours truly,

A Random NH Newbie