"I said "This shit is gay as T_Mac" at work and my sergeant said "Yes sir, it sure as hell is." I'm pretty sure he doesn't know T_Mac, but you never know..."
-Mark4
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| Hamster, Fanfic-Writing Kung Fu Rodent | | | Author: | | | IP: | chpxy01-XXXX | | Date: | 03/05/01 08:03 | | Game Type: | Starcraft | | Labels: | none | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 1, Max: 3, Min: 3
Lifetime Rating for MatriX(SR): 4.0000 |  | I am Hamster, the almighty fighter for justice among hamsters, flamer of the flamers, and perfectly harmless. That is, until you crossed the line, and did something that made me mad. Cause when i get mad, i am a creature to be feared. Yes, I am Hamster! Do not be afraid if you are on my side, but beware, evildoers! I am ruthless to those who oppose me and you will probably get hurt if you do! I also write fanfics. Yes, you may THINK it's impossible for hamsters to write fanfics, but we manage. It is tiring and challenging, but we do it for a cause that we stand by: To bring joy and laughter to the world through our writing! And we will stand by that cause for as long as we live. Of course, for every cause there are opposers. And scroll up a few lines and you shall see that i do not like any who oppose me! And if you scroll up and see the line below that one, you will see that people who i don't like usually end up getting hurt!
So there i was, sitting peacefully in my lounge, sitting at my typewriter.. well, actually i was sitting on my typewriter, because i was way too small to type with my actual paws. The door burst open. I twisted my neck around as a flash of light blinded my eyes.
"Sh*t god f*ck damnit piece of f*cking sh*t ass f*ck!'
"Well well well, we've grown quite a dirty tongue, haven't we, hamster?" The voice whispered.
I took my paws away from my eyes cautiously, and i saw one of my most feared enemies.. the cat! This cat was one of my worst nemesiseses. We called him.. Mr. Kitty. Two other cats prowled behind me, bright yellow eyes glowing in the darkness behind them. Mr. Kitty stood with the flashlight that blinded me facing down on the ground.
"Yeah, f*ck you too, b*tchass!"
Mr. Kitty pointed the flashlight up at my eyes once more, and stunned me. Before i could recover, the two sidekicks jumped on me and tied me up with their ball of yarn. One of them poked me in the eye, too, which hurt like a bitch and knocked me out.
When i woke up i found myself being locked into a Cat Taxi. Damn! It had thick steel bars, and i knew there was no way i would be able to escape if the door closed. I had no time to think. The huge cage door was being pushed by Mr. Kitty's shadow, one who followed his every move and idolized Kitty as if he were a god. Yes, this servant of Mr. Kitty was none other than CHOBOMONKEY IGGY! He was your typical high school football quarterback that you see in movies. He was big, tough, stupid, he liked to hit things with big sticks, and he was a gorilla. I could hear the primitive ape banging the cage with big sticks and swearing a lot. I thought fast. I jumped out of the cage with one swift motion and a look of surprise stung Chobomonkey Iggy's face. Apparently I wasn't due to wake up for a while. That mental excersises i did everyday had been put to use, giving me the will power to wake myself from unconsciousness in a time of emergency. As Chobomonkey Iggy glared at me in horror, i used my awesome kung fu skills to tear off his head and throw it in a burning pit before he knew what was happening. I had been in Mr. Kitty's headquarters before and i knew just where to go. As I ran through stone hallways, tearing off many-a-cat's heads and lighting them on fire on the way. I found the exit and I ran faster than i ever had on the wheel. Mr. Kitty hated me like he hated no one, and i knew he would stop at nothing to see me dead. Unfortunately for me, as i was bolting to the door, too fast to stop dead in my tracks, the door slammed shut right in my face. I was knocked back and was momentarily stunned. Mr. Kitty emerged from a doorway behind me and hit me hard, really hard, with a goat.
"$#!%" I screamed in rage as the impact of the goat knocked me down on the floor.
"Not so tough when yer on the floor and being beaten with a goat, are you?"
I mumbled to myself including much profanity in my grumbling, and i was hit once more with a goat.
"Hamster, I've stood your idiotic fanfics long enough! You please these fools, but you are not making some of the more intelligent folk here happy at all. And I will put a stop to that! For you are wasting our time, and you know how much i hate wasting time! Every minute of every day is important and is not to be spent wasting time on your fanfics! I SHALL ELIMINATE THEM ONCE AND FOR ALL!"
Mr. Kitty made a foolish move with the goat he was weilding, and i took that moment to turn the tides of the battle. I tore off his head and threw it in the fire.
I laughed into the fire, and said out loud, "ANOTHER TRIUMPH FOR THE FOLLOWERS OF HAMSTER, FANFIC-WRITING KUNG FU RODENT!"
--Note--
Probey', SCV~007, and a bunch of others here on br.com and ~nohunters are cool for appreciating my disturbing and sorta freaky sense of humor. For all of those others who flame me and tell me i suck, yer partially right, but you can suck my tiny shriveled balls anyway!
 A MATRIX(SR) Production |
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