Well, this battle report starts as I sat in Smurfs begging Joe.Smurf to get a good game going that I could report. The first game was a Terran vs. Zerg where Joe.Smurf did some weird, forward placed barracks and eventually losing. I ask him not to do stupid things in the next game so he ends up cannoning in a Terran in a Protoss vs. Terran matchup and expanding all over before finally winning with about six carriers. His opponent leaves after this game and I send Joe.Smurf off to spam Clan ~NoHunters for another opponent. I'm whispered by Joe.Smurf to join old2/old2.

As I enter, I find the opponent to be =]] and the map to be the Lost Temple :[. The first thing wrong, it's not Bob's Observer Map Lost Temple so I get no bengalaas. The second, it's Lost Temple so there's no way I can get a ten. To lazy to complain, the game starts. Both players decide to stick with random and hope for the best. Before I go into the game details, I'd like to mention there wasn't another observer so I was all alone. This means witty game comments will be at a very low level. Also note, I don't think any of these players are very old even though the game name/password is old2/old2.

What have we got?

As you can see, Joe.Smurf (who will be known as Joe from now on) receives orange Zerg. His hatchery spawns at the 2o'clock position. =]] received teal Zerg and a hatchery spawns at the 12o'clock position for him to command. Both players split their Drones with near perfection to mine the precious ore they will need to expand their separate swarms. Done with the most boring, but most important, part of the game, lets get to the build orders.

Joe starts out with a pretty normal Zerg vs. Random build going:
9-Overlord
12-Hatchery (at his natural expansion)
12-Spawning Pool
14-Hatchery (below ramp to his main)

=]] goes with a build very much like Joe's build:
9-Overlord
12-Hatchery (next to starting Hatchery to increase mining efficiency)
13-Spawning Pool
12-Extractor
14-Hatchery (above ramp to his main)

Blood; First and Often

As for scouting, both players sent their Overlords in the right direction. As they meet, no player changed his build to make a faster Spawning Pool like most do which is surprising. This works out, though, as no player elects to Zergling rush. Both players' builds and strategies are almost identical. Joe elects to create a Zergling army rather than teching or powering. =]] also starts massing Zergling for an early rush. As =]]'s ten Zerglings move out for Joe's main at about the same time Joe's eight Zerglings are sent to =]]'s main. The two forces meet at Joe's mineral only expansion. =]] has a monstrous advantage as his Zerglings are clumped and Joe's Zerglings are running in a straight line. Also, =]]'s number advantage helps and Joe's Zerglings are picked off easily, one by one.

=]] quickly moves his troops out for he knows Joe will have no troops to protect his base till fresh Zerglings can hatch. I was about to say "gg" when Joe brings down two Zerglings and four Drones to stop the eight Zerglings. Through wonderful delaying actions, Joe is able to hold the Zerglings and keep them from doing any harm. New Zerglings are about to hatch from Joe's Hatcheries and =]] retreats his Zerglings to save them from pointless slaughter.

=]] isn't going to let Joe get off that easy though. He brings in freshly hatched Zerglings and reinitiates his attack. As he goes in, =]]'s Zerglings shoot forward as the Metabolic Boost upgrade for faster Zergling speed kicks in. Joe has about ten Zerglings and one Sunken Colony to deal with =]]'s eighteen Zerglings. Joe again displays wonderful micro and, even with reinforcements from his base, =]] is unable to destroy Joe's expansion. A quick peek at =]]'s main shows a morphing lair (reminder: both players still have Overlords over the other's base). This shouldn't hurt Joe, as a lair before a Hydra Den probably means Mutalisk tech. With Joe running off two bases, Mutalisks won't be as effective unless =]] can get a second vespene mine.

Gg?

Just as I think Joe will be able to easily pull this out now with his expansion advantage, I look at the mini-map. There are teal spots in Joe's main and I quickly look to see what is the cause of the disturbance. =]] had snuck six Zerglings into Joe's main to harass his peon line. Even I didn't see them so Joe wouldn't have. They are able to kill two Drones before Joe even realizes what is happening. When Joe finally gets his Zerglings up his ramp to help, =]]'s Zerglings have already done their damage, killing six drones and stopping Joe's mineral income for a short period (only four drones are working at his expansion).

Teching...in peace?

Joe puts up an Extractor at about this time to catch up to =]]'s newly morphing Spire. Joe, trying to catch =]] and his teching red handed, sends eighteen Zerglings to frontal =]]'s main, wanting to show he can be aggressive. As Joe's Zerglings move towards =]]'s base, his Zerglings Metabolic Boost upgrade kicks in and, with wonderful timing, seconds later Joe's Zerglings are up =]]'s ramp. =]] has his ramp blocked, though, and Joe's force is stopped by =]]'s Zergling guards. Although =]] had no Sunken Colonies, with the high ground and good positioning, Joe's Zerglings were handled easily. Joe quickly pulls the remaining Zerglings back, not wanting to waste them.

Peace...for now

Both players settle down for a few minutes to build up and tech. Joe, knowing he wont have enough time to get his own Mutalisks to fight =]]'s Mutalisks, and not even morphing a Lair yet, starts a Hydralisk Den at about the time =]]'s Spire is at about 200/600. Joe starts an Evolution Chamber as his Hydralisk Den is about done. =]] tries two Mutalisk raids right before Joe's Evolution Chamber finishes and he can morph Spore Colonies. The first raid, consisting of five Mutalisks, kills two or three Drones at Joe's main, then are chased off by Joe's Hydralisk force, now with the Muscular Augment upgrade for speed. The Mutalisks then move to Joe's natural and get another two Drones before a Spore Colony and Hydralisks chase the Mutalisks off. As the Mutaslisks leave and a single Mutalisk is killed. Not much retribution for what has happend to Joe's economy. The second raid, made up of about eight Mutalisks, kill about five Drones at Joe's main before a Spore Colonies and some Hydralisks chase them off. Half of the Mutalisks die trying to get away. As fun as seeing Mutalisks slaughtered, kind of like the innocent Drones, Joe knows he's in trouble and needs to do something quickly, or the defeat of his Swarm would follow.

Peace is boring (and I'm using the word peace WAY to much)

Our first big battle, and one worthy of an animation :], follows this build up. =]] moves twenty-four Zerglings and ten Mutalisks to frontal Joe's natural. Joe has twelve Zerglings and ten Hydralisks to stop this. One advantage Joe has is a Sunken Colony and a Spore Colony where as =]] has more mobility and can attack any unit at anytime. I hit the wrong key and don't get screen shots of the first seconds of the battle. The blood in the first picture is what became of some Zerglings from each side, beginning the battle. Joe didn't think he would lose the battle so he left some Hydralisks in his main to fight off Mutalisks. He brings these forward as the battle unfolds, though, and this will be costly later. Back to the battle, =]]'s Zerglings are clumped up and the Hydralisks get some pot shots. =]] didn't use his Mutalisks and Zerglings in the normal fashion of bringing in the Mutalisks first to absorb the Hydralisk's spines, then have the Zerglings clean up. This might have turned the battle but, alas, this didn't happen and =]]'s forces are easily taken care of with six Zerglings and six Hydralisks left.

As I said, Joe bringing Hydralisks from his main would cost him. =]] flew eight Mutalisks into Joe's main right after the battle. The Mutalisks destroy Joe's Hydralisk Den, a morphing Spore Colony, and get three Drones, before they are driven off. =]] only lost one Mutalisk during this raid. Joe is desperate now to get onto the offensive and take the pressure off. During this raid, =]] expanded to his natural so Joe will be losing his expansion advantage soon, too, along with the Drone kills =]]'s Mutalisks are racking up.

These Mutalisk raids are starting to wear down Joe. He's reacting slower to the threats and he's probably getting annoyed and thinking about quitting. =]] doesn't let up, though, and two more raids are pulled off. The first kills four Drones at Joe's expansion before being driven away by newly upgraded Hydralisks and a Spore Colony. The Hydralisks received their Grooved Spines range upgrade at about this time.

The second raid was really more of a battle. =]] was getting tired of the raiding himself and, thinking he had the advantage, wanted to end the game.

You can give up now Joe, please?!

Joe knowing he has a huge upgrade advantage (because =]] has only Zergling speed) decides to go after =]]. Joe has been building up for this and stashing away the units for the whole game. Six Lurkers (newly morphed), thirty Hydralisks, and twelve Zerglings move out to =]]'s base. =]] hasn't put up any Sunken Colonies, being on the offensive almost all game, and his men are rallied to below his ramp, so there isn't much of a home field advantage. Joe moves in fast, not wanting his army to be scouted and defensives prepared for it, and catches =]] off guard to say the least.

The final battle is short and sweet (at least for Joe). At the same instant the six Lurkers burrow, all =]]'s Zerglings disappear and are replaced by the remains of the set after that girl in The Invisible Man throw blood all over the place to find her invisible stalker. Incase you didn't see that movie, the aftermath was like open heart surgery go bad twenty times in a row in the same place.

Your winner is: Joe.Smurf!!. Yes I do show him winning to much, so sue me. I'd love to make your modem smoke even more (yes that IS a bad thing, might want to get it checked) but I'm afraid people might take it to seriously and beat me in a horrible manner so I'll give you a table of the final scores.