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-[FLS]Prozerran


Funniest Game Ever! Newbie Hell!!
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Author:DarKnight
IP:XXXX
Date: 07/08/99 10:07
Game Type: Starcraft
Labels:Starcraft(1), Text Only(1)
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Report Rating: 3.8, # of Ratings: 4, Max: 6, Min: 1
Lifetime Rating for DarKnight: 3.7500
It was early in the morning and i joined a 3-player ffa game. I wanted a quick game and saw that 2 other players were already there.We'll call them A and B because..well, you'll see.A few things are fiction but most is real. (note:i did come real dumb things once i found out how much they suck, so don't blame me. Also, i would have like to show them some real power but my dad wanted to use the comp so i had to make it quick.)Here are the settings:

Map:Blood Bath(it was a blood bath!)
Me(random)Terran on the bottom left
A Zerg at bottom right
B Zerg on top left

As soon as the game started, A messaged EVERYONE : B, ally up. I think i was gonna faint. I laughed so hard i couldn't breathe for a minute. They then ally up and tell each other that they never played before! More laughing!!!

B :are we on allied messaging?
A :yeah, the other guy can't hear us.
B :put on shared vision so u can see where everyone is.
A :ok

I totally think i am gonna die from laughter(seriously).Now i know where they are. A decided to rush me and told Y AND me too!!

Idiots trying to Build
They did an extractor, creep colony, and spawning pool. they had like 5 drones on minerals. It took them forever!

Preparing for War
I had 2 guys per mineral patch (not my usual thing to do) and was building my barracks only now(remember the time i wasted laughing!)I decided to do a pretty stupid thing now and built a 2nd barracks next to my entrance to my base. Then i built 2 bunkers behind it filled with marines.

The Attack
Now they send 6 zerglings each, and get killed. They never ever saw the bunkers! A says that i had cloaked ghosts in my BARRACKS that were killing them! I had so hard my throat was hoarse! How stupid are these newbies?!!

The CounterAttack(also know as The Slaughter)
I built 2 more barracks, bringing the total to 4 and did something never done before. I landed 1 barracks in Y's base. I started getting troops while Y and X were way-pointing their troops to the middle. They each had 12 zerglings. They attacked again and i hold them off with my "cloaked ghosts". Then I counterattacked with the marines i built at Y's base. i razed Y's base.

Y:the marines have jet-packs and flew across the map to attack me. Watch out X!
X: thanks for telling me.

The Slaughter: Part 2
I flew my barracks and did the same thing i did with Y. X was sure he could handle my "cloaked ghosts". He killed my 10 marines with 20-30 zerglings. He then proceeded to kill himself by running into my bunkers. I then razed his base.

Lessons learned:
1) Newbies suck, not all, some are good. I remember when i was a newbie...(i was pretty good)
2) good thing they didn't have allied messaging REALLY on or i would have missed a lot of the fun.
3) actually play the game before u go on battle.net (yup, that's right, they didn't even play the game before going on b.net)
4)Don't tell whatever your doing on messaging. ever heard of a backstabber?
5) That was the funniest game ever!
6)climb the damn tech tree! they had an extractor but didn't bother to REALLY use it! I didn't have time. my dad wanted the comp so i tried to make it fast.
7)I RULE!!!!

thanks for reading this. this is my first BR, so don't grade it too hard.



























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